Fugger: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dolce & Gabbana


When she came out on the Tony stage, this just looked so silly and clunky on her.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Tony Awards, Dolce & Gabbana

It’s better on the red carpet, but that hem is killing me with looking like it’s from a party store, and the whole enterprise has me concerned that The Lion King and War Horse have paved the way for a live-action Trumpet of the Swan. As stirred as we might all be by John Mayer hopping on the musical train with numbers like “Your Blackboard Is A Wonderland,” “Bigger Than My Swan Boat,” and “Why, Voicebox,” I might prefer to let that classic live on the page.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fuggie Gyllenhaal


This the frumpiest shiny thing I’ve ever seen.

These pieces are so unhappy together. These pieces are living a life of passive-aggressive mutual resentment. One will complain they watch too much CNN and the other will promptly throw the remote off a building. They hate each other and can’t figure out why they’ve been together all these minutes, but it’s just too much trouble to do anything about it until FINALLY they cleanly divorce on her bedroom floor and the jacket can take up with that pair of leather pants it should have married years ago. This has been Full Mental Jacket.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Celebs at the Dior Cruise Show


This was the day after the Met Ball, so you know half of these people were HUNGOVER. Let’s see how they did anyway.

[Photos: Getty]

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Met Gala Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal in Valentino


I DO NOT KNOW how she thought this had ANYTHING to do with Charles James. This would be PERFECT if the theme were, say, A Salute to Twister, or Shit You Can Do To Your Shower Curtain Once You Remodel The Bathroom, or The Partridge Family, or Random Outfits Maggie Gyllenhaal Bought Once Online In a Moment of Weakness. But as far as I know, it was not.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugretary: Maggie Gyllenhaal at “The Honourable Woman” Photocall


Okay. I have spent a LOT of time noting that I dislike this haircut on her but you know what? I actually really kind of like it now that it’s blonde. (Here’s what it looked like brunette.) The lighter hair opens up her face more, and I think it’s just more flattering. (It’s just a little wee longer now too.) Am I crazy? It’s better blond, right?

As a matter of fact, I like her whole head here:

Too bad the rest of this is kind of a napkin-inspired mess; I’m giving her the pass on those shoes (for once; her shoes are often bad regardless) because she’s clearly injured her foot. But man. This dress makes me sad. I think it’s SO CLOSE to being awesome and architectural and cool, but instead it just ends up wearing her. It’s too big, too floppy, just too much.  It’s like the Charmin factory exploded on her and she barely made it out alive.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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BAFTAs Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal


I really dislike this. But I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t like the dress — I don’t — or because I also feel like this haircut does her no favors and therefore I think this entire look combines to turn into kind of a hot mess:

I don’t dislike short hair, at all — I loved it on Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway and of course on Halle Berry — but I think HER short hair looks better like this, which is only infinitesimally longer. (She also looks cute in a bob. Apparently, I have a lot of thoughts on Maggie’s hair.) This particular hair, though, looks like a mistake, like one of her kids stuck some gum in her bangs and the only way out was off.

Additionally, this dress — which is CUSTOM LANVIN — is SO fussy, and if Maggie Gyllenhaal is anything, she is not fussy. You know some people who just look ridiculous in anything with a ton of bells and whistles? I happen to be one of them, and so is she.  Like, I am sure the detailing on this is exquisite, but she also looks like she’s in costume as a Faberge egg. INTENTIONALLY. She is INTENTIONALLY A FABERGE EGG.

She looked overly fussy earlier this weekend, too. I fear we’re entering a weird fussy phase for Maggie. Also, the more I say the word “fussy,” the less it means:

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