Fugger: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Met Gala Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal in Valentino

I DO NOT KNOW how she thought this had ANYTHING to do with Charles James. This would be PERFECT if the theme were, say, A Salute to Twister, or Shit You Can Do To Your Shower Curtain Once You Remodel The Bathroom, or The Partridge Family, or Random Outfits Maggie Gyllenhaal Bought Once Online In a Moment of Weakness. But as far as I know, it was not.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugretary: Maggie Gyllenhaal at “The Honourable Woman” Photocall

Okay. I have spent a LOT of time noting that I dislike this haircut on her but you know what? I actually really kind of like it now that it’s blonde. (Here’s what it looked like brunette.) The lighter hair opens up her face more, and I think it’s just more flattering. (It’s just a little wee longer now too.) Am I crazy? It’s better blond, right?

As a matter of fact, I like her whole head here:

Too bad the rest of this is kind of a napkin-inspired mess; I’m giving her the pass on those shoes (for once; her shoes are often bad regardless) because she’s clearly injured her foot. But man. This dress makes me sad. I think it’s SO CLOSE to being awesome and architectural and cool, but instead it just ends up wearing her. It’s too big, too floppy, just too much.  It’s like the Charmin factory exploded on her and she barely made it out alive.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


BAFTAs Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I really dislike this. But I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t like the dress — I don’t — or because I also feel like this haircut does her no favors and therefore I think this entire look combines to turn into kind of a hot mess:

I don’t dislike short hair, at all — I loved it on Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway and of course on Halle Berry — but I think HER short hair looks better like this, which is only infinitesimally longer. (She also looks cute in a bob. Apparently, I have a lot of thoughts on Maggie’s hair.) This particular hair, though, looks like a mistake, like one of her kids stuck some gum in her bangs and the only way out was off.

Additionally, this dress — which is CUSTOM LANVIN — is SO fussy, and if Maggie Gyllenhaal is anything, she is not fussy. You know some people who just look ridiculous in anything with a ton of bells and whistles? I happen to be one of them, and so is she.  Like, I am sure the detailing on this is exquisite, but she also looks like she’s in costume as a Faberge egg. INTENTIONALLY. She is INTENTIONALLY A FABERGE EGG.

She looked overly fussy earlier this weekend, too. I fear we’re entering a weird fussy phase for Maggie. Also, the more I say the word “fussy,” the less it means:

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Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Yes, she has feathers sprouting from her abdomen and also she’s bracing her clutch against her waist like it’s holding her innards in, AND YET:

I kind of like this. I wish the feathers, um, emerged in a less haphazard fashion, and I wish the shoes were…other….(I don’t now what other, but something; you tell me), but overall, it’s kicky and I suspect it looks exponentially better in motion. She’s like a flapper in mourning. And if you don’t think I’d read a book called Flapper In Mourning, you don’t know me at ALL.

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[Photo: Getty]


Unfug It Up: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I have many a thought about Maggie here:

First and foremost: I think this haircut, about which I have been bitching for weeks, is finally at a place where I feel comfortable categorizing it as very cute on her. Maggie has a weird quality where I feel like she always looks a little sweaty — like, wherever she is, from the Oscars to a movie premiere, she ALWAYS looks to me like she walked there on a humid day. There is something about her that seems permanently clammy. But I think this hair sort of works with that instead of against it. And there you have it, the internet’s most backhanded compliment of the day: “Your haircut really works with that sweaty thing you’ve always got happening. You’re welcome.”

But maybe part of the sweatiness steams from the fact that she’s got an afghan wrapped around her waist. I actually think the bodice of this is quite flattering, and I dig the skirt, but…what IS happening….around…her waist? It’s like….a giant knit scrunchie. I’m loathe to see that around a ponytail, much less a torso. So I would obviously extract that itchy mama and call it a day. What about you?

[Photo: Getty]


Met Ball Well Played: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I know the dog collar feels like something of a paltry ode to costume punk.

But you know what? This is great on her, and yes, I say that even knowing she’s got a little sideboob poking out. Maggie looks sexy and confident in it, which is a refreshing change for her lately, and the pixie cut is utterly perfect with it. Maybe she’s getting lucky and I’m just too exhausted from everybody else to raise a strenuous objection, or maybe I’m grading on a curve based on her last couple outfits. But I’m going to stand by myself here. And then maybe give myself a shoulder rub, because damn, those suckers are starting to burn.

[Photo: Getty]