When I saw this first photo, I thought, “Maggie G better be knocked up, or else there is no excuse for that shapeless thing.” And then I saw what she wore the next night, and…well, let’s just call me the Bump Whisperer.
Fugger: Maggie Gyllenhaal
“Oh, this old thing? Well, I couldn’t wear the beret and the leopard minidress, right? So I just borrowed what my Great Aunt Murgatroyd wore to the funeral of her lover at the nursing home, who turned out to be slipping the Werther’s to six other ladies as well. I mean, everyone SAID Murgatroyd looked the tartiest of all of them, so… what, is this not good? Should I have worn the head scarf?”
I wasn’t quite sure what to do with this photo, so I decided to embrace asking you to pretty up an outfit worn to the premiere of a movie about a nanny who also gets unfugged.
[Photo: Splash News]
Let’s start at the top: Her makeup gun was set to eleven. The styling of Maggie’s bob makes it seem uneven, as if her hairdresser cut it during an earthquake. The dress is weirdly baggy in her midriff and kind of tamps down her chest a little. Also, I’m curious whether it’s supposed to go all the way across, and Maggie just tucked up the right strap to try and make it less like something an extra wore in that scene in Crocodile Dundee where he goes to the super-dated ’80′s-style party, grabs the old lady’s crotch because he thinks she’s a man and he learned that trick in a bar when a man dressed as a woman almost took him home, and then dumps the dude’s cocaine into hot water because he thinks it’s cold medicine. And finally, Maggie’s shoes are kind of fun, but they’re really daytime to me.
Can this be tweaked and saved? And can my judgment be trusted? Because I don’t know if you noticed, but I just made a Crocodile Dundee reference.
In many respects, I feel like I could Photoshop a septuagenarian’s head onto this and you’d be like, “Yeah, all right, looks feasible.”
[Photo: Splash News]
Except that no septuagenarian worth her blue rinse would pair a slacks suit that painfully sensible with a shawl made out of an airplane napkin. Score another point for the older generation.