Fugger: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Unfug It Up: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I have many a thought about Maggie here:

First and foremost: I think this haircut, about which I have been bitching for weeks, is finally at a place where I feel comfortable categorizing it as very cute on her. Maggie has a weird quality where I feel like she always looks a little sweaty — like, wherever she is, from the Oscars to a movie premiere, she ALWAYS looks to me like she walked there on a humid day. There is something about her that seems permanently clammy. But I think this hair sort of works with that instead of against it. And there you have it, the internet’s most backhanded compliment of the day: “Your haircut really works with that sweaty thing you’ve always got happening. You’re welcome.”

But maybe part of the sweatiness steams from the fact that she’s got an afghan wrapped around her waist. I actually think the bodice of this is quite flattering, and I dig the skirt, but…what IS happening….around…her waist? It’s like….a giant knit scrunchie. I’m loathe to see that around a ponytail, much less a torso. So I would obviously extract that itchy mama and call it a day. What about you?

[Photo: Getty]


Met Ball Well Played: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I know the dog collar feels like something of a paltry ode to costume punk.

But you know what? This is great on her, and yes, I say that even knowing she’s got a little sideboob poking out. Maggie looks sexy and confident in it, which is a refreshing change for her lately, and the pixie cut is utterly perfect with it. Maybe she’s getting lucky and I’m just too exhausted from everybody else to raise a strenuous objection, or maybe I’m grading on a curve based on her last couple outfits. But I’m going to stand by myself here. And then maybe give myself a shoulder rub, because damn, those suckers are starting to burn.

[Photo: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: The Gatsby/Prada Party

I fear the Gatsby movie will never come out and then when it does, it may never leave. It’s like we’ve been living in an endless cycle of Gatsby promotion for the last 17 years of our collective lives.  I have been so worn down that I can’t even launch into my usual diatribe about how GATSBY OF ALL THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN 3D ARGH NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE IN 3D DON’T YOU GET THAT THE BOOK WAS REALLY NOT THAT POSITIVE ON THE SUBJECT OF VERY KIND OF OTT RIDICULOUSNESS THAT HAS LED TO ENDLESS 3D IN THE FIRST PLACE MAKE IT STOP.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: Kate Young for Target Event

It is a weird world indeed where Michelle Williams is doing something that both Posh Spice AND Kate Gosselin did first.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News, WENN]


Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I am on record as really liking a pixie cut — I love Michelle Williams’s pixie, and I think Anne Hathaway should keep hers — but I am not really feeling Maggie’s:

I think I like her better with a bob, especially when it’s all sleek like it was here, and while she has had this haircut before — back in the day when she and Kiki Dunst had the same headsuit, when Kirsten was also dating Jake Gyllenhall — I do not think it has ever really worked on her. It would not work on me, either, man. Life is hard; sometimes Wash And Wear LOOKS like Wash And Wear.

The whole hair thing has me distracted from her outfit, which might be for the best. Overall, she kind of looks like Anthropologie threw up on her.

But Anthro has totally cute stuff!

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[Photo: Getty]


Won’t Back Fug

I have so many thoughts about Maggie Gyllenhaal’s new movie Won’t Back Down, and maybe one about her outfit for its premiere:

Namely: who greenlit this movie? I’m sure it’s a very worthy subject, but who in their right minds thinks anyone is going to get a babysitter and pay $12 a ticket to see Maggie Gyllenhaal in a movie about charter schools? Let me run down the problems there for you:

  1. that is a TV movie. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis Start A Charter School, Fight The Power, And Teach Kids to Read has Sunday Night TV Movie written ALL OVER IT. And “major theatrical release” written all over none of it.
  2. Maggie Gyllenhaal is a good actress, but she can not anchor a movie, especially one that is already about a subject that a huge portion of the movie-going public is going to find theoretically boring, and the other portion of the movie-going public has already seen tackled in far more powerful style in Waiting For Superman. Literally NO ONE in the history of EVER is going to say, “let’s go see that new Maggie Gyllenhaal movie about school districts where she screams about illiteracy for two hours”  Sandra Bullock could anchor that movie.  That’s about it.
  3. “BEING POOR SUCKS AND MY KID CAN’T READ” is the most memorable line from the trailer and that sound you hear is the rest of America saying, “uh, NO SHIT. If I’m going to pay to see a Gyllenhaal watch shit get real this weekend, it’s going to be Jake in End of Watch, because it’s supposed to be great AND there might be a car chase. I get enough poverty and homework during the week.”
  4. She might realize all this, which is why she’s wearing her nightgown to the premiere.