Fugger: Kate Winslet

Fug or Fab: Titanic ladies

So, I get why cast member Frances Fisher might be excited that Titanic is back in theaters, in 3D.

But the only way this could have been more on-the-nose is if she’d shown up naked with a huge blue heart pendant on her chest.

Oh, no, wait, that’s what Kate Winslet did. … I’m kidding. But let’s see what DID happen on that front:

will she put the ‘win’ in winslet


Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Kate Winslet

Now that she’s dating a dude named Ned Rocknroll — yes, that is a real thing — and she stepped out in those skintight Stella McCartney dresses, I thought maybe Kate Winslet’s awards show couture would take on an edgier bent than in previous years. And I was curious how that would work.

Instead, no, it’s just basically boring regular stuff. From the neck up, she’s still totally in business, but the rest of this is not terribly flattering and might exist at the intersection of Dullsville Rd. and Stodgetown’s main street. I mean, this is Kate f’ing Winslet. How come she wasn’t in Evan Rachel Wood’s exotic endangered emu gown, or Diane Lane’s Reem Acra, or even Laura Dern’s sequins? It might not have worked, but on a night when she was a virtual lock to win the Globe because she’s Kate Winslet and she starred in about twelve hours of an HBO miniseries in which Guy Pearce buried his face in her nethers a lot, I think she should’ve made a splash. Leap off the high platform, don’t just slip into the pool and hope we think you dove in. Whatever the hell that means. (It means: OLYMPICS 2012 FEVER IS STARTING.)

[Photo: Getty]


Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Kate Winslet

At Fashion Week this year, I kept thinking how much it must stink to be a designer who shows at the end of the week, because the ritualistic mind meld that occurs means that when said designer sends chartreuse and orange stuff down the runway — stuff that person worked super hard on — everyone is like, “God, AGAIN? We’ve already SEEN THIS BY NOW. YAWN.” Such was the case, a bit, with Kate Winslet. When she hit the carpet, we turned to each other and said, “BORING.”

But in fairness, regardless of whether tons of other people had already donned the color, Kate’s dress gets the thumbs down from me because it was a snoozer on its own merits. Girl. You knew you were the hot favorite to win, making you three-quarters of the way to your coveted EGOT. When you inevitably star on Broadway just to get that Tony, and someone makes you a giant framed photo of you winning all your statuettes, EVEN YOU are going to look at this and suddenly drop into narcoleptic slumber. Admit it.


Mildfug Pierce

“Hello, world. You think I’m dressing older? You think I got dowdy? Well GET A LOAD OF THIS.

“Oh, and P.S., sorry Mildred Pierce was so interminable. And that we claimed she invented chicken restaurants. And surf-and-turf. And that Melissa Leo only gave one line reading the whole time.  And that the last line was, ‘Let’s get stinko.’ But admit it: After that thing was over, you WANTED to get stinko. Plus, I gave you some naked Guy Pearce. And now, I give you my breasts on a white platter. You’re welcome.”


Fugred Pierce

I don’t know what directive Kate Winslet’s stylist has been given over the last few months, but I DO know that lately she’s been looking both drabber and older than she actually is. BEHOLD.



Psst, Winslet:

Mildred Pierce is over. You don’t have to look so SEVERE any more. It’s June. GO OUT AND LIVE.


Fug or Fab: Kate Winslet

Ever since I heard tell that Kate Winslet was maybe not as cuddly and delightful as we all would like her to be — I’m sorry, I didn’t want to believe it either, but my source is quite good — I’ve been watching her face to see if her SECRET ALLEGED EVIL would OUT, and while I don’t know if I’d go that far yet, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to meet this lady in a dark alley. Am I right?

She looks a little mean in this shot. Is all I’m saying. Is it possible that she’s just crabby because her polka dots are ATTACKING?