Fugger: Kanye West

Insert New Kim Kardashian Fug Pun Here


“EVERYONE, COME BE CONGREGATING BECAUSE WE NEED TO DO SOME CONVERSATING. MY LADY’S NERVES WERE DEBILITATING, BUT NOW SHE’S OUT PARTICIPATING, EXCEPT HER SHIRTS ARE DISSIPATING AND IT’S NOT WHAT I WAS ANTICIPATING. I DON’T MEAN TO BE FACILITATING UNDERBOOB-MUSTACHE-HATING, BUT I’M STRUGGLING WITH ARTICULATING WHAT IT IS SHE’S ILLUSTRATING.. BUT SHE SAID THAT THIS IS TITILLATING, AND I SAY IT’S JUST AGGRAVATING, CALCULATING, NOT A SHIRT BUT JUST MASQUERADING. AND IT’S ME SHE’S INCRIMINATING WITH THIS BAD DECISION-MAKING. HELP ME ‘CAUSE SHE NEEDS PERSUADING. I’M WISHING I COULD BE ESCAPING. INSTEAD I’M HIDING IN SOMETHING INSULATING BUT MAYBE THIS WAS OVER-COMPENSATING. THESE PEOPLE ARE ANNIHILATING. DOES ANYONE HAVE PASTRY?”

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

react:

Fug Fugdashian


KANYE: HOLD THE PHONE.

KIM: I can’t fit anything else in my purse, Kanye.

KANYE: IT IS AN EXPRESSION, KIMBERLY. I WAS WORDSMITHING. IT MEANS ‘WTF OMG.’

KIM: Oh, okay. Well, right back at you.

KANYE: WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT OUTSIDE? AND I DON’T MEAN TO CHIDE OR BE AT ALL SNIDE, BUT I WANT YOU TO HIDE BECAUSE SOMEBODY LIED AND TOLD YOU THAT OUTFIT WAS FLY, WHEN IT’S JUST A SEXYTIME RIDE, AND IT HURTS MY PRIDE THAT FOR A PARTY YOU TRIED WEARING THE GIFT THAT I PLIED FROM A DESIGNER WHO CRIED WHEN I TOOK THIS FOR MY BRIDE. AND NOW TO THEE, WODE BETIDE, BECAUSE MY HURT IS SO WIDE THAT I FEEL A DIVIDE. AND TONIGHT I WON’T BE YOUR EROTIC TOUR GUIDE, SO ACCESS DENIED, PUT DOWN THE ASTROGLIDE AND GO THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WORE LINGERIE TO A CASINO. I AM THE MOST KNOWN FOR CLOTHING AND NOW I FEEL LOATHING.

KIM: I don’t know what any of that means, but your coat would make the awesomest wallpaper for a secret room under the stairs.

KANYE; I’M GOING TO GO BUILD ONE OF THOSE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE ARTISTIC EXPRESSION IS THE CORNERSTONE OF THE UNIVERSE. NO DISRESPECT TO BEN AFFLECK.

[Photo: Getty]

react:

Fug the Interview: Kanye on Kimmel


By now you have probably heard — through the wild cackling of a thousand million Twitter feeds — that Kanye was on Jimmy Kimmel last night, bringing no disrespect to Ben Affleck. And his interview was… interesting, to say the least. Because GFY Kanye is a frequent visitor to the site, we thought it prudent to showcase a piece of our parody’s inspiration, when said piece of inspiration is en fuego. Or in his words, “It’s about truth, it’s about information, it’s about awesomeness.”

The thing about Kanye is that for all his bluster, he’s really interesting. And, I think, genuinely intelligent. I don’t think he lacks earnestness, nor compassion, nor certainly passion, and I believe he struggles with a paper-thin skin and extreme sensitivity in a way he hasn’t fully learned to handle and may not even see. And when you crown that whole cocktail with his enormous ego — the monumental self-esteem that doesn’t understand when it becomes self-aggrandizement — you get the rambling, bizarre, deludinoid Kanye who steps all over his own good intentions and sense of humor. He’s one part compelling, one part performance art, and two parts Nicholas Fehn from SNL (Fred Armisen’s character who is ALL digressions and no actual statements).

Here are the clips, from Hulu, broken into six bite-size chunks. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

Part 1: In which Kanye says he’s wearing “Ralph,” he and Kimmel talk about the origins of their epic Twitter feud, and Kanye announces he DOES NOT DO publicity stunts:

Part 2: In which Jimmy and Kimmel talk a lot about this wedding they went to, how celebrities complain about the press to other celebs all the time, and how frustrated Kanye is by the way the tabloids treat him.

There is more and it gets way better

react:

Kimye-ly Played, Kimye


Kim: Psst. Kanye.

KANYE: YES, WHAT IS IT?

Kim: Thanks for crawling on your hands and knees through a roughly dug trench just to get me a breast pump that works in French outlets.

KANYE: IT WAS NOTHING,

Kim: It means a lot to ME.

KANYE: NO REALLY IT WAS NOTHING, BECAUSE I DID NOT DO THAT.

Kim: Sorry, I just assumed because of the pants…

KANYE:  MY PANTS ARE THE MOST HONEST PIECE OF FABRIC IN YEARS.

Kim: Let’s just get to the car.

[Photos: WENN, Splash]

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New York Fugshion Week: Celebs of Day Six


We talked to Padma when we saw her at Naeem Khan, and she was very gregarious — going so far as to poke fun at herself for wearing this outfit. We also witnessed some random dude butting in to offer Homeland’s Morgan Saylor some Valentino. I KNOW. We have no idea what happened but we hope it was legit.

The only other shows we wrote up were Badgley Mischka and Vera Wang, the highlight of which was John Legend bouncing both Chrissy Teigen and Petra Nemcova on her knee.

But we did go to Jenny Packham, and are happy to report that Christina Hendricks looked freaking wonderful. Here’s hoping she did some fruitful Emmy shopping.

[Photos: Getty]

react:

FUGYE WEST


“GUESS WHO? I’LL GIVE A HINT: I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO LINT AND I’M WORTH THE U.S. MINT AND RIGHT NOW I’M DOIN’ A STINT WITH A WOMAN WHOSE NAME RHYMES WITH KIMT, SORT OF, AND I’M HER KNIGHT IN WOOLEN ARMOR, HER HEROIC MASKED CHARMER, ‘CAUSE HER HUSBAND IS A HATE-FARMER AND HE’S MESSING WITH HIS KARMA AND I REALLY WANT SOME SCHWARMA AND WHATEVER IT’S JUST REALLY COLD UP IN HERE AND I CAN’T FREEZE OFF MY NOSE BECAUSE I WILL NEED THAT SOMEDAY.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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