“YO, I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, ZIPPER, AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT KIM’S THIGHS HAD ONE OF THE BEST YEARS OF ALL TIME. THEY ARE TRULY SUBLIME, SO FULLY GENUINE, AND LIKE A GLASS OF PORT WINE I ENJOY THEM WHEN SUPINE. THEY BLOW MY MIND SO HARD I CAN’T EVEN RHYME AND… WAIT I’M TOTALLY RHYMING. MAN, MY INSTRUMENT JUST NEVER TURNS OFF. I’M LIKE THOSE PERPETUAL MOTION BIRDS ON PEOPLE’S DESKS, BUT WITH WORD GENIUS.”

[PHOTOS: GETTY]