Fugger: Jessica Chastain

Mostly Well Played: Jessica Chastain in Chanel at Couture Week


Karl Lagerfeld, Jessica Chastain

JESSICA: Hey, Karl!

KARL: Blasphemy!

JESSICA: What?

KARL: Hey is for the casual, pet. Be ORNATE. Dip yourself in Fancy. Coat yourself in flakes of sophistication and then plunge like a nymph into hot cosmopolitan oil. SIZZLE.

JESSICA: Bonjour, then!

KARL: If we must. Pray, why are your hands stuffed in your pockets? That skirt is not a turkey and you are not sage-laced bread. Poultry arms are for the meek. UNCAGE YOURSELF.

JESSICA: I will, okay, su… I mean, oui, bien sur. I guess I’m nervous? This blazer is fantastic, and the skirt is great, but… why is … I don’t mean to question your…

KARL: An ellipsis is an insult without letters.

JESSICA: Oh, wow, I never…

KARL: I believe it was Plato who said, “Hashtag Yolo.”

JESSICA: What?

KARL: Do not beat around the bush. Occupy the bush. Stand up in the middle of the bush and shout, “I WILL NOT BE GARDENED.”

JESSICA: Fine, yes, okay. It’s the bra, Karl. It’s distracting. Right?

KARL: Certainty and correctness are antagonistic bedfellows, sated by hate sex.

JESSICA: This whole thing is so chic and yet everyone is staring at my underwire.

KARL: I believe it was Sartre who said, “Existence precedes essence.”

JESSICA: Yeah, that one is right, but…

KARL: You are responsible for your own actions. The bra existed, so you used it. Do not make me the demon jailer of your feminine Alps. It was you.

JESSICA: But nipples aren’t really my brand.

KARL: Branding is for the thirsty, my child. BE SLAKED.

JESSICA: So just to recap, this thin blouse and my bra and stuff are my fault, and… there was a bunch of stuff about poultry and hate sex.

KARL: I took a voice memo. I shall electronic-mail it to you posthaste, so that learning might be the spawn of our provocative tango.

JESSICA: … Deal.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: The Rest of the Celebs at the Michael Kors Collection Dinner


You saw Gwyneth and Solange. Now, here’s everyone else, including, but not limited to, JOAN FLIPPING COLLINS. (Most of them look pretty darn good, I have to admit.)

[Photos: Getty Images for Michael Kors]

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Mostly Well Played: Jessica Chastain in Prada


So much of this is so good.

Jessica Chastain

I am not entirely sure why we have a weird patch over there on the right of the photo, and her shoes read EXTREMELY Sophomore Class Spring Formal to me — a little too clunky, a little too disco, perfect for a kid who doesn’t want stilettos and won’t spring for Louboutins because that’s absurd even at 35 sometimes, much less fifteen. I wish for something a tad more sophisticated-feeling, but I’m so transfixed by the chipper pattern and the lack of nipple-evoking chest darts that I’m calling this a basic win. An A-minus, or MAYBE a B-plus if I’m out of Diet Coke and thus particularly cranky.

[Photo: Getty]

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CFDA Awards Well Played: Jessica Chastain in Prabal Gurung


I don’t know if this is my favorite of her hair-dos — although I get it, her hair is so glorious when it’s down; I might have compromised with a Fancy Ponytail — but otherwise….swoon:

2016 CFDA Fashion Awards - Arrivals

This. Is. Glorious. In all sincerity, this might be one of my favorite things she’s ever put on her body. The pattern! The fit! The swoop-y hemline! J’adore.

[Photo: Getty]

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Cannes Fairly Well Played: Jessica Chastain in Armani


The very first time Jessica Chastain appeared on GFY, it was in a canary dress not dissimilar to this one at Cannes five years ago. This feels like the more refined, glamourpuss version of the original.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Met Gala Fine or Fab: Jessica Chastain in Prada


The color of this dress is deep and magnificent.

Jessica Chastain

The cut is also extremely flattering, save for the usual razor-sharp nipple darts that pock the chests of nearly every Prada gown. Here, the lace bib offsets it a bit, but it’s also flirting with Schoolmarm. The base is more Old West Brothel Madam, and the wisps on the skirt are… quite possibly remnants of the Lost smoke monster. There’s a randomness to all that which feels like four people trying to have a conversation without fully speaking each other’s languages. She’s carrying it as best she can, but don’t you wish we could wipe the slate clean and start over with the embellishments? Or even give that blue fabric a pattern? It’s like Quantico in dress form: solid start, but limping confused and aimlessly to the finish.

she actually wore some other stuff too

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Fug or Fab: Jessica Chastain in Altuzarra at The Huntsman Premiere


After the weekend’s bizarre MTV Movie Awards miss, it’s nice to see Jessica Chastain bounce back with something that’s interesting, possibly quite beautiful, and unlikely to run afoul of any dueling pistols at dawn.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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