Fugger: Jennifer Aniston

Critics’ Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Jennifer Aniston in Saint Laurent

Okay, first, I need to vent: All these deliberately misleading headlines about a Friends reunion are apocryphal and appalling to me. It’s the worst kind of clickbait (along with this newly popular thing of tweeting links to stories as if they are current, until you click on them, and find out they are six months old or worse; I call it “dickbait”). The headlines here should read, “Five of Six Friends Will Be At A Televised Party,” because that’s basically what it is. And we have enough unnecessary retreads happening right now — Heroes, Prison Break, 24, arguably X-Files,and that Coach remake that was mercifully killed before it had a chance to flop – so I’m not sure why a Friends reunion is so hot. Does anyone really want them to either a) reunite and make jokes like NO time has passed, or b) reunite and suddenly Phoebe is cracking wise about menopause? Not everything needs to be exhumed.

Well. That was TWO ventings. Neither of which are Jennifer Aniston’s fault, but whatever, she was the vehicle that sparked it. And she is, sadly for her, not immune to my frustration:

jennifer aniston

I shudder to think what the sticker price is here. Because that lazy seam down the front, the tied ruffle, and the gynecological slit all feel intensely Macy’s. And I have no problem with Macy’s, but I also think Jennifer Aniston can aim higher than that – and the designers that price themselves in the stratosphere should at least deliver something that isn’t evocative of a dress I bought at the mall in 2004 for a wedding.

[Photp: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: American Cinematheque Awards Honoring Reese Witherspoon

Spoiler: This is a big old plate of bland and then Sofia Vegara comes in with a dash of crazy.

[Photos: Getty]


She’s Fuggy That Way: Jennifer Aniston in Roland Mouret

On first glance, this seems to be a basic black jumpsuit, albeit with an asymmetry in the bodice.

jennifer aniston jumpsuit she's funny that way

On second glance, is her left leg wearing a cape? I would’ve hoped the Therouxniston union would usher in an era of sartorial experimentation, but in a color and pattern way, not just More Black Fabric But In Unusual Places. Sigh. Well, I guess the backdrop DOES say she’s funny that way.

[Photo: Getty]


Oscars Fug Carpet: Jennifer Aniston in Versace

“Hey guys! Didn’t think highly enough of Cake, eh? Well, take THIS cake. Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about my genitals.”

[Photos: Getty]


Fug or Fine: Jennifer Aniston

“Hi, how are you?”

jennifer aniston santa barbara film festival

“Me? Oh, just phoning it in now, thanks for asking. I have a ton of emotional rollover minutes.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


SAG Awards Cleav Carpet: Jennifer Aniston in John Galliano

And the Actor goes to…

jennifer aniston sag awards 2015

… Jennifer Aniston, for her role as Heidi Klum in the gritty indie biopic National Lampoon’s Project Funbags.

[Photo: Getty]


Critics’ Choice Movie Awards Unfug or Fab: Jennifer Aniston in Gucci

I admit, I was tempted for a second to put Angelina and Aniston in the same post, and make you vote. Team Jen vs. Team Jolie, once and for all. But then I decided that story is A DECADE OLD NOW. Nobody cares. I’m on both your teams, and neither of your teams, all at the same time. As much as I love soaps and a good ol’ catfight, I’m over it, and — inasmuch as you’re ever truly over wanting to stick it to your ex’s new lobster — I suspect both of them are over it as well, because they would rather their gravestones not read, say, “Here lieth Jennifer Aniston, former wife of Brad Pitt, did some acting stuff, hated Angelina until her last breath, enraged that she went first, Unbroken stank,” or whatever.

So. For today, at least, until I change my mind again, I will only IMAGINE the side-eyes that might have been exchanged, and instead focus on Jennifer’s getup. (Except for how I just wrote a whole paragraph about her and Angelina ANYWAY. Sorry, Jen. Best efforts and all that.)

Jennifer Aniston at The 20th Annual Critics Choice Movie Awards in Hollywood

Jennifer had a truly endearing look on her face at the Globes that suggested she thought maybe, just maybe, she might win that thing for Cake. She didn’t, and then didn’t get an Oscar nod either. (I forgot that when I wrote my Oscar Afternoon Chat post. Haven’t seen that one, either.) That has to be disappointing. But much like how Emily Blunt may have been like, “FINE, let me show you what you are missing,” this outfit says to me, “Just be cool. Be cool. You’re not bummed. Be cool. You’re chill like ice. BE COOL. IT DIDN’T BOTHER YOU, YOU’RE JUST A COMPLETELY HIP PERSON OUT FOR A CASUAL NIGHT, YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT TROPHIES, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE  MANTEL, ALTHOUGH THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE YOU SLEDGEHAMMERED IT IN A RAGE THIS AFTERNOON BUT WHATEVER NOBODY KNOWS THAT.”

What I like about it: the RED. As in, generally the only color she’ll wear that isn’t black or white or grey, although this one has a rusty tinge to it that’s a nice change from Fire Engine hues And I appreciate that it’s a departure from type. I even don’t hate the idea of the sexy suit jacket, sans shirt and plus sternum bling. But sometimes that can look weighed-down rather than like Letting It All Hang Out, and I worry this is leaning toward the former. I also think the overlong pant with the aggressive seams, paired with matching shoes, takes it even further away from hip and into older-lady territory. A slimmer fit on her shins and a high strappy pair of black or gold shoes… what do you think? Does it help? Tell it like it is in the comments. Y’all, be there for her. ‘Cause she’s there for you too.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]