Fugger: Jake Gyllenhaal
[Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash]
It’s smart of Anne not to wear anything as depressing as that movie seems to be; frankly, if she went into a screening of it looking like she would rather eat knives baked inside an arsenic cake, it wouldn’t be the greatest motivation to spend my $14 at the ArcLight to see whether I think she deserves the Best Actress nod I suspect is coming. Several friends have suggested I will spend the entire movie wanting to slap her character, which would make this the second time Anne has achieved career Nirvana for playing an infuriating role; ergo I suspect she will soon be starring in a film adaptation of those Burger King breakfast-sandwich ads where everyone chants in military cadence, then follow it up with a biopic about Flo The Progressive Insurance Lady.
[Photos: Getty, PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Heather and I spent much of yesterday discussing historical abs of yesteryear, specifically those framed by loincloths. Never let me complain about my life again.
“Though it’s been many years since we read The Odyssey, we don’t
recall Homer penning that many odes to taut, firm abs. Ergo, we’ve
decided that Kirk Douglas’s distinct lack of six-pack stems simply from
devotion to the source material — and also perhaps because he was too
busy cultivating his beard to exercise.”
From that…to Brad Pitt in Troy. Holy cow, you guys, I forgot how CUT he was in this movie. Remind yourself, herein.