Fug File: WTF

What the Fug: Chloe Sevigny in Proenza Schouler


She. Is. A treasure.

Chloe Sevigny #Horror premiere MOMA

She, as a human person inside a piece of cloth, somehow looks very glamorous and comfortable despite the fact that she’s clad as some kind of bovine flamenco dancer (flamencow?). And everywhere I look, there’s another skin window:

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Recent Fugs: Rooney Mara


We’re at the time of year when I think, “Oh, thank GOD, a potential top Fug Madness seed is IN THE GAME.”

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Fugth Heaven: Jessica Biel in Monse


This thing is custom:

jessica biel baby 2 baby

You guys, what are we doing? If this is what passes for custom high-fashion, we should be hot-glue-gunning baby blankets to some old sack and sticking a five-figure price tag on it. WE WILL BE RICH. My flaming rage hand says mama needs the expensive pain-killers.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugbeth Salander: Rooney Mara in Alexander McQueen


So, as I type, it’s Sunday night and I just recently burned the ever-living hell out of my hand (kitchen accident). But I have to fill up our post queue because Jess is recovering from wisdom-tooth surgery. So I am using only my left fingers — thank God I play the piano; makes this much easier — and cruising thorough these while I am waiting for my friend to get here to stay with the beans so I can go to the ER. My entire right hand feels like Satan himself is licking it, with a forked tongue studded with acid. I realize the world has way more important problems right now, but in my endeavors to bring you procrastibatort material — my left hand just really didn’t like typing “procrastinatory,” but I left the typo because it made me laugh — I am doing a terrible job a smiling through the owwwww. So just beware of my mindset.

rooney mara natas Governors Awards

What ruffled hellbag is this? Aptly, this reminds me of my sad fallen paw. Parts of it seem fine and functional but then SO MUCH of the rest is FLAMES OH THE FLAMES IT BURNS.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fehs: Fallout 4 Launch


A kind soul alerted me to the fact that we’d forgotten to cover January Jones’ sheer pants. I shrieked before I even saw them. I’m doubling down on that shriek now.

[Photos: Getty]

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Recent Fugs or Fabs: Jaime King


The erstwhile Lemon Breeland has been taking a walk on the wacky side lately. And I am endlessly grateful. Both because I love a sartorial nutball, and because she’s doing it in ways that are SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than skirts made of netting. Never change, Jaime, because you are never boring.

[Photos: Getty]

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WTF: Miley Cyrus in Ulyana Sergeenko


So, Ulyana Sergeenko is at least a real designer (even if she’s one I don’t respond well to very often), as opposed to, say, a cartoon of one, like Jeremy Scott is to me. But this was custom, so I assume that means it has Miley’s sticky fingerprints all over it:

miley cyrus

And obviously, it’s heinous. She looks like a genie whose eternal prison is a Rose Parade float. But there’s also no way she doesn’t KNOW that — you could argue Kim Kardashian might not be as self-aware as we hope she is, but Miley FOR SURE is the type of person who understands the insanity of what she’s doing. Sure, she might then wank that it’s SO deranged that it’s awesome and subversive, and she might be wrong about that a lot of the time, but to me there is no question that we all have a base level of agreement that this outfit isn’t attractive. (Ulyana Sergeenko may want to stab the wall, though.) Now, Gaga has worn some heinous and crazy things in her time, but somehow even at her worst — even in a meat dress — she reached a level that always feels just outside Miley’s grasp. Why is that? Is it because Gaga came first, so we’ve seen this sort of stuff before and everything now seems wanly imitative? Or is it because Gaga’s stuff was more committed, somehow? Or is it that Gaga at least poked at some kind of artistic statement, whereas Miley’s comes off more like she is poking us all in the eye? I don’t know. There is something about the sheer magnitude of her “I Have Zero F*cks To Give” aura that I applaud, because it’s hard to be in your twenties in showbiz and care so little, but then… I also don’t know if I BELIEVE she cares that little. It’s the same logic as when a celebrity doesn’t want to be noticed, so they wear a giant hat and sunglasses, thus ensuring they will be noticed. If Miley truly gives no f*cks, why is she working so hard to make sure we’re looking? So I circle back to: It’s all very well and good to be a human My Little Pony when you’re young, but this is the Fun Police speaking, and it’s time to change it up before she becomes only a caricature of a person. And honestly, that day may have already arrived.

As an aside, that wig makes her look both like a poser and a Battlefield Earth super fan, and I wish she would stop wearing it.

[Photo: Getty]

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