Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2014: One Fugging Winner, One Fugging Moment


We had more tight, down-to-the-wire clashes this year than ever before, but in the end, the top seeds largely prevailed, even if their path to the Final Four was at times unorthodox. We saw the unexpected early falls of Kristen Wiig and Kerry Washington and Jennifer Lawrence; the rise of Jaden Smith and Bella Thorne as potential future forces of fuggery; what may or may not be a last gasp from Madonna, the only inspiration for our bracket names who is still also a contender; and a strong, unexpected run from former winner Vanessa Hudgens.

The finals came down to Kim Kardashian, for the second year in a row, and Miley Cyrus in her first-ever appearance. It was the perception of basic bad taste versus the perception of an addiction to shock value — and yet, both sides of that equation fit both finalists. Their craving for attention is equal; their beliefs that they’re forces in fashion are, I believe, also equal.

Which one reigned supreme?

drum roll

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Fug Madness 2014: The Final Game


(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (1) KIM KARDASHIAN

Here they are. Face to face. A couple of silver spoons. Hoping to find — wait, sorry. That’s not where I meant this to go at all.

In a way, this match-up was fated; many of you have expressed, all along, that this is Miley’s crown to lose, and Kim’s been nothing less than a juggernaut all year (she was also in the final game last year, and was defeated by The Biebs; the horror). There were great upsets and close battles along the way — some of the closest Fug Madness battles of all time, in fact, in some of the earlier rounds — but this one? This could out-do them all, as one woman and her uncontrollable tongue battle one woman and her massively hideous bag for ultimate Fug Supremacy, and I don’t care what they think: This ain’t a compliment. So look deep into your heart, Fug Nation, and vote:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Miley Cyrus (61%, 6,233 Votes)
  • Kim Kardashian (39%, 4,025 Votes)

Total Voters: 10,257

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Fug Madness 2014, Final Four: Game One


We are almost done, Fug Nation. Two more games and then the final battle will be held on Monday. Here is the first contest; the other match, between Kim Kardashian and Rihanna, goes up in two hours. So settle in, poke around, consider the evidence, and vote your conscience.

(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (2) JESSIE J

Congrats to Jessie for being the only NON No. 1 seed to make it to the final grouping, proving that even if the seedings lead to upsets in the early rounds, you can’t keep a good top dog down, eh? Do you like how I turned Canadian for a sec so that I could keep the sentence structure but get around ending on a preposition? BOO-YA.

Anyway: Both these performers like it tight, crazy, occasionally pantsless, and bleach-blonde (although Jessie, in fairness, cut off all her hair for charity and went platinum while she grew out the buzz cut). People have felt like it was Miley’s to lose this year; can Jessie K.O another top seed, or did she use all her remaining mojo to get Gaga? I’ve given you a thorough match between the two. If it’s not Federer-Nadal, it’s at LEAST one of them vs. Djokovic or Andy Murray.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Miley Cyrus (77%, 5,550 Votes)
  • Jessie J (23%, 1,641 Votes)

Total Voters: 7,191

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Fug Madness 2014: Elite Eight, Madonna Bracket


(1) LADY GAGA vs. (2) JESSIE J

If only there were a component of this where they also had to actually compete in feats of strength.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Lady Gaga (48%, 2,929 Votes)
  • Jessie J (52%, 3,128 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,052

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Fug Madness 2014, Elite Eight: Charo Bracket


 

(1) RIHANNA vs. (3) PAULA PATTON

These two are more similar than you’d think. TO THE EVIDENCE! And then to the poll:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Rihanna (53%, 3,362 Votes)
  • Paula Patton (47%, 2,944 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,304

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Fug Madness 2014, Elite Eight: Bjork Bracket


(1) KIM KARDASHIAN vs. (2) RITA ORA 

Allow me to share with you how I feel about this particular match-up in gif form:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Kim Kardashian (75%, 4,583 Votes)
  • Rita Ora (25%, 1,500 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,081

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