Fug Madness always brings a surprise, whether it’s Celine Dion bowing out early, to top seeds being shunted aside quicker than we expected, to this year’s treat: a Shania Twain voting scandal. We wish we’d noticed it in time to investigate her Sweet 16 win over Jackie Cruz — we will forever be sorry, Jackie — but the evidence in her Ellie Goulding clash was too damning to ignore. The funny thing being, Shania very nearly didn’t make into the Sweet 16 at ALL; she beat Kristen Stewart in Round Two by a mere 23 votes.
“Whose Fug Reigns Supreme,” the question in each match’s poll, is a goofy Iron Chef reference that’s meant to evoke the idea of the opposite of the cream rising to the top. Whose fuggery is the most fugly? Whose fashion is the worst of the worst? Does just a little fug go a long way, or does a full arsenal propel a person to victory? The fun of this contest is that sometimes people vote consistently on that question, and sometimes, their gut instinct changes from day to day, round to round, even matchup to matchup. But ultimately, winning this — though not intended a personal insult — is not a compliment. So, Shania, you’re welcome for the disqualification. Maybe THAT was the game all along?
Regardless, we ended up where we should have. Even if Jackie Cruz could have taken out Shania and then elbowed Ellie Goulding aside, there is a STRONG chance she’d have lost to Dascha Polanco, whose knockout in the Final Four last season still left people smarting. Dascha fought hard, and defending champ Rita Ora matched her swing for swing, until they were the only two left standing.
And now, we have a winner. Your Fug Madness 2020 champion is:
Congratulations, Dascha. You have put together one hell of an entertaining two-year stretch, and we hope you’re doing PLENTY of online shopping so that when the pandemic is over you can roam the red carpets once again in your own inimitable style. Yes, okay, Fug Madness Champion isn’t technically a compliment, but it’s a distinction that can be awarded with great affection; we enjoy every last seam of every bananas ensemble. And Rita Ora, we know you’ll be back. If anyone can join Kim Kardashian in the pantheon of two-time winners, it’s these dedicated women.
But of course, the contest would not be complete without the montage to end all montages — the fromage to end all fromage. Welcome to One Fugging Moment 2020.
Thanks for the memories, Fug Nation. Thanks for always making this a riot. Thank you for being a friend, and thanks for keeping this a warm and wonderful place to ride out this disaster together.