Fug File: Awards & Galas

ACMs Fug and Fabs: Lightbox Purge


Am I crazy, or does Spears The Younger look pretty darn cute for her big return to the public eye? I mean, yeah, she’s wearing hair from Ye Olde Underwood Wig Shoppe, but she’s got a bracelet AND there’s nary a nude shoe in sight.

[Photos: Getty]

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ACMs Fug/Fab Face-Off: Sheryl Crow vs. Kimberly Perry


I’m thinking of this one as The Battle of Dresses That Look Like Photoshop Effects.

This one is Shatter, or maybe Stained Glass. It looks like some keenly chosen mouse clicks broke the black fabric into pieces. I might not mind it except that I don’t find it very flattering on her, or at least, maybe it demands a more dramatic head. A More Dramatic Head might be the name of my autobiography, too, in which case I have a lot more tizzies and hissies and enemies-into-lily-ponds that I need to throw.

Kimberly Perry also wore fancy black-on-nude, and with almost the exact same makeup:

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ACMs Fug or Fab Carpet: Olivia Munn in Reem Acra


I mean, it’s not actively offensive. It’s not pulling my hair and spitting in it and trying to light it on fire, or anything.

But nor do I like it. I’m not sure what Olivia Munn is doing there, as she’s not, to my knowledge, a noted country music fan nor a noted musician nor a noted CBS employee. Maybe just a noted event attendee? But the thing is, this looks like she put about as much effort into it as you might expect from a person who is secretly thinking, “Why am I here?” Even her leg looks bored. Thumbs up for the lipstick and the earrings, but I think this needed a LOT more help to look cool and exciting rather than stuffy and staid. And yes, “stuffy” IS a rare achievement for a gown with that much cleavage erupting. It’s VERY The Paula Patton Playbook to me, which has only ever been hip in the sense that sometimes you can SEE her hip.

Too harsh?

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[Photo: Getty]

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ACMs Fugs and Fabs and YES and WTF: The Dudes


Every time I see this Jake Owen guy, I think, “Hello there, Cheesy Luke Wilson.”

[Photos: Getty]

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ACM Awards Fug Carpet, Shakira in Zuhair Murad


Because when I think “country music,” I think SHAKIRA. Okay, okay: She’s got a duet with Blake Shelton out right now, so I’ll allow it. I’ll also allow it because as much as I am someone who (as you know) complains about ALMOST LITERALLY EVERYTHING, that is not the kind of thing that irks me. Go to whatever awards show you want! I wish there would be MORE cross-awards show pollination, and the more rando the better. Send The Band Perry to the Emmys! Make Bryan Cranston attend the MTV Music Awards! Force Katy Perry to go to the Tonys and just sit there silently and listen to other people sing! Everyone should go everywhere and ideally wearing something HIDEOUS.  THIS COUNTS!

[Photos: Getty]

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ACM Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Miranda Lambert in Randi Rahm and Blake Shelton


You know those celebrity couples you worry about even though you don’t know them, and you’re well aware that you don’t know them, and you’re actually not even that invested in them, not really? That’s me with these two:

I find him charming (as does most of America) and I am kind of neutral-t0-positive on her, but that’s about it — and yet I have a tiny portion of my brain that has opinions about their relationship, perhaps because I spend a lot of time reading People. And that opinion is that I hope they work out and yet I am always still surprised they haven’t broken up yet. ANYWAY. He looks like himself (enjoyable), and she looks like she should get a job playing Kristin Chenoweth’s sister on an ABC mid-season comedy.

Is that a bad thing? I'm going to let you choose.

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[Photo: Getty]

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