Fug Madness 2020 Round One Continues With Old Favorites and a Fresh Face

First! Did you miss our editable bracket? This link will open it! Next: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2019, through Feb. 10, 2020. Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. 

Jump to the poll for each matchup, to check results:

(1) Kat Graham vs. (16) Taylor Swift · (8) Hunter Schafer vs. (9) Cardi B · (5) Heidi Klum vs. (12)  Gwyneth Paltrow · (4) Melina Matsoukas vs. (13) Lindsey Vonn

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(1) Kat Graham vs. (16) Taylor Swift

I truly love Kat Graham — any time Heather and I ever had a face-to-face interaction with her, she was A DELIGHT, and I also think she was great on The Vampire Diaries and I want her to land in some super-successful and juicy Netflix series where she wears things like this and beautifully ruins people’s lives! She takes a lot of fashion risks and as you know, when you swing the bat a lot, sometimes you get a hit, and sometimes you’ll miss. In what was, frankly, a rather low-drama year, she kept things very interesting. (This was dramatic!) (And look at these fascinating shoes!)

This garment is CONFUSING:

THIS is ALSO confusing on a structural level:

Kat has NEVER been afraid to bring the DRAMA:

I hope that’s how she looks when she shows up for brunch.

This is one of those dresses that you can really only wear if you’re going to stand up the entire time:

And this, if not else, looks like it was very very complicated to organize, layering-wise. All your sweater sleeves will get jammed up in your trench sleeves!

Kat has had a Year of Interesting Sleeves, in fact. This felt contractually obligated:

I HOPE THIS WAS CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED:

Can Taylor top this? Let’s be real: Taylor is a talented women but I don’t know if she’s got the chops in this one specific arena, and she didn’t come out a ton this year, for a person who had a new album out AND who was in the world’s most talked-about movie (Cats). I mean, this was…whelming. And this started well, even if it went awry. This was not great:

This felt similarly regrettably twee:

And I was not a fan of the Versace Romper Phase she went though, which technically was just two shorts sets and I actually liked this one. It’s this one that I felt needed a little work:

Styling, right? And on the topic of rompers, I wish this…weren’t one:

It would be a cute top, a cute mini-dress, and also at least a THRILLING catsuit. That’s officially the first time I’ve ever typed that.

(8) Hunter Schafer vs. (9) Cardi B

When an 8 seed takes on a 9 seed, the results are often unpredictable and that is definitely true in this case. Hunter isn’t as famous as Cardi, but she did bring it this year (including wearing one of my favorite looks of the Oscars post-party); Cardi, on the other hand, is VERY famous, but actually had an overall very cute year with a few DRAMATIC forays into Madness. Let’s dig in.

Hunter is here to PLAY, and I respect that. She’s got a VERY strong personal style, which I appreciate, and like Kat that sometimes means she veers off the road. This look is perhaps the opposite in vibe of her Vanity Fair party frock:

And this is a bold foray — almost SWINTONian in vibe, in fact:

She loves a bold and interesting shoe; she wore similarly dramatic ones here. She also loves a General Swinton Vibe, which is pretty good if you can pull it off, but always a high level of difficulty.

This is, as Heather said at the time, nutty — if enjoyably so. (Both of these women are very enjoyable in their wardrobes, in fact.)

This is a bit of a sack from the front but not an unreasonable one. BUT FRIENDS, there is a PLOT TWIST!

This is simultaneously cool AND a little bit alarming:

So is this, frankly. Big finish!

Wait, no! BIGGER FINISH!

Can Cardi prevail? This is going to be a tight match. But we do have a corresponding big open:

I cannot believe a real person actually wore that as it went down the runway, and I respect her for GOING FOR IT. I wonder if she considered wearing it to court, where she DID show up wearing this:

Cardi was very pro-train this year (who isn’t?) as she also wore one to Jay Z’s fiftieth birthday party:

Cardi also had a Big Hat period, comme ca:

And so:

(You know hats are big when I don’t even mention the accompanying feathers AND fur.)

This is…structurally compelling:

In its own way, so is this:

And, frankly, so was this. But that’s not all! Cardi held her own against J.Lo at this premiere of Hustlers. She held her own with Rihanna, here, in a very VERY green situation that sort of makes her look like a glam insect. And, most importantly, she reminded us of her abs!

(5) Heidi Klum vs. (12)  Gwyneth Paltrow

Is it weird that I am excited for this match-up? It’s two classic Fug Favorites, going head-to-head. I need to be honest with you: Gwyneth didn’t have a TON of material this year. But what she DID have was perhaps ICONICALLY TERRIBLE. Let’s start with the elephant in the room:

AHHHHHHH GOD BLESS. That really kicked 2020 off right. I feel so alive. Wait until you remember how it looks from the side:

AHHHHHH LORDY YES. That really happened. While we’re talking about Goop, let’s get real. I forgot this, but it IS awful:

I love that she’s wearing vintage, I do not think that vintage looks like it has aged well  — in a literal sense. And her Met Gala gown was SUCH a snooze:

Literally, perhaps, given how much it looks like a nightgown.

This would be great were she not molting:

And of course we cannot forget that time she emerged looking like a Golden Girl:

Thank YOU for being a friend, Goop. I enjoy your highlights, and your first two cookbooks.

And then, on the other side of the coin, she kinda phoned it in here. And here. And here. This, on the other hand, literally looks like something Klum herself would wear — it’s not bad! — and thus, I have my segue: Heidi also phoned it in on occasion this year. This is not up to her usual standards of deliciously OTT, nor is this. This is a bedsheet, but kind of a good one?

But this was profoundly on brand:

SPEAKING OF ON BRAND:

This was a little much, especially since the dress she wore to the Vanity Fair party, that same night, was VERY cute if also slightly ridiculous.

This was at least fun to dance in, and DEFINITELY a better use of fringe than this was. Heidi does, thank god, bring it in terms of paparazzi shots. What even is this?

Are those boots related to these?

And, truly, there is so much more in Heidi’s archives. This is BONKERS. This is structurally perplexing. This is making my allergies kick up! And this — related — okay, in fairness that’s actually very cute. ANYWAY:

(4) Melina Matsoukas vs. (13) Lindsey Vonn

AND FINALLY! Melina Matsoukas is a very talented director with a strong sense of personal style — she directed Queen and Slim, and also the Formation video, among other noteworthy projects — and she has worn some stuff! Which is so much more interesting than, like, Quentin Tarantino, who always wear the same old thing. This is FOR SURE not the same old thing:

Frankly, looking at this, I feel like maybe other directors SHOULD branch out:

That’s a lot, but it’s DEFINITELY creative. In fact, Melina is NEVER boring. I don’t know if I totally loved this but I do think it’s INTERESTING and I would be willing to spend a lot of time looking at it:

Never forget the one…leg-holed skirt? How else would one describe the following?

This also defies description, and this required a lot of description.  And this is similarly perplexing when it comes to the dictionary definition of pants:

This is best described as — at least? — too big?

But this is the crown jewel of her year. She’d have landed in Fug Madness based on this ALONE:

Et tu, Lindsey Vonn?

Okay, that works. (Here’s the front.) (Lindz loves a snazzy back view.) Vonn is nothing if not a competitor and she is here to play:

That was going so well….until it really wasn’t.

This, on the other hand, could have never really been any good, I fear:

Okay, fair enough: A camisole underneath probably would have fixed it. Lindsey does not love a lining:

And THIS was BORN IN DARKNESS, and might also have the same granny panties?

That’s one hell of a throughline.