Fug Madness 2020, Round One: An Unlikely 2 Seed and Queen Celine

First! Did you miss our editable bracket? This link will open it! Next: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2019, through Feb. 10, 2020. Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. 

To jump to the polls:

(2) Laura Dern vs. (15) Kelly Rowland · (3) Dascha Polanco vs. (14) Lili Reinhart · (7) Camila Cabello vs. (10) Hailee Steinfeld · (6) Celine Dion vs. (11) Julia Fox

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(2) LAURA DERN vs. (15) KELLY ROWLAND

We’ve often said the seedings aren’t super scientific; we take a lot of factors into account, like how often a celebrity was pounding the pavement. Kelly’s lower number was because we didn’t have as much from her this year and much of it wasn’t scorching. But oh, some of it was, friends. Some of it was. Behold:

Bless her beautiful heart for pulling that out during the dark days of December, in which no one else was doing much of anything. Hopefully she’ll don a few more and just walk around her living room and Instagram it. Thanks in advance, Kel.

This was also a bold choice:

The guy behind her appears to be contemplating whether that is a shirt or a cape, or a ruffled tube top, or WHAT. WHAT ARE WE ALL. It’s not nice to give people existential headaches at a Jay Z party.

And I believe the above jacket sleeves were made from a series of Santa beards she purchased at a craft store.

The following, I honestly am not sure truly counts, because it was for a wearable art gala. But the bottom still demands to be seen:

So, yes, it’s intentionally costumey — I believe the theme was The Lion King, as it is Beyonce’s mother’s gala ad Bey came dressed AS a lion — but it’s still vital to look at those shin sheaths, which are neither pants nor socks nor tights not even really legwarmers, and consider that she wore them for a whole evening.

And this is clearly from her Tim McGraw phase. She also wore a so-so white satin suit with a speck of visible bra, a dress that might as well be a shirt, and an Iris Van Herpen that isn’t as awesome as most. It’s a strong case. Stronger than I expected. She’s a formidable 15 seed. Can Laura Dern take her?

Well, let me tell you, Laura Dern WENT OUT this year. She was promoting Little Women and Marriage Story for six months on end, at least, and hardly bowed out of any of it. So not only does she have a massive slew of outfits, but they were a jumble, ending with her accepting her Oscar in this:

Her win was assured, and yet a tasseled bra is the best Team Dern could do? We just revisited her 2012 Golden Globes dress and honestly re-wearing that would have been better. And then, clutching her statuette, she changed into what my notes refer to as Afterparty Thong Boobs:

It was just sort of… a bummer. Thong-related pun fully intended.

She also pulled a real scrolldown in Santa Barbara:

I don’t love the top, but she REALLY loses me with the shorts. And earlier in the year, she wore a dotted disaster that reminds me of my very least favorite thing that Duchess Kate ever wore:

She was INTO a visible bra this year, with this otherwise good green dress, a see-through gold animal-print thing, and this:

Renata, DON’T. She also cozied up to Chanel, picking something with strange arm loops and then a blazer with another lingerie top poking out; and picked a Gucci for a LACMA gala that ended up being pretty overwhelming. I also didn’t like this giant pink nightgown on her. Or this red-leather pinafore. I’m still going! There’s more! Like:

Gah! And then this peekaboo-bra leather outfit had a very bizarre back:

Oh! And I almost forgot:

I love these contests because it’s a clash of fewer outfits but bigger swings, vs. a WHOLE LOT of mediocrity. It’s a poser.

Archives: Laura, Kelly

 

(3) DASCHA POLANCO vs. (14) LILI REINHART

Not gonna lie, this one is an uphill battle for Lili. Dascha got CREATIVELY crazy this year, beginning with refusing to choose between a dress and a suit:

And no, it’s not simply a dress over pants. It’s HALF of a dress stuck onto pants. It’s AMAZING, and with everyone inside right now, let’s see a little more creativity, celebs! Let’s make things that are nonsense! Like this, which is new to our website — we didn’t have access to the photo before:

Had I seen that before we did our seedings, she might have been much higher. Ditto this, in which she is dressed like Captain Morgan’s preferred First Mate:

And now it’s time for our favorite game: WHAT. IS. THAT. HAT.

The inexplicable boots add a scrolldown thrill. By the way, there was another questionable hat worn with a double-slit gown, an extremely strange leather-and-bodysuit ensemble that doesn’t seem to fit, and a white gown worn to the Emmys that has giant pink satin Floaties attached. It’s in the cutout at the top of this post, and it’s a lot.

Did you want MORE “a lot”? Because feast your eyes on this, which she wore, amusingly and I believe unintentionally ironically, to the Vanity Fair Best-Dressed party:

That’s a sigh and an eyeroll from me, Dascha.

So, yes, Lili didn’t go quite that hard at the title this year. But she did crush her boobs:

Twice, in fact, with gigantic satellite-size shoulder rosettes to match:

And here I’m pretty sure she was auditioning for Yvette in a Clue remake that I hope never happens (but keeps being rumored):

This, though, was the most groan-inducing of the lot for me:

Oh, pardon me, did I say groan? I meant SHRIEEEEEK, which is in fact also what it says in my notes.

Archives: Dascha, Lili

 

(7) CAMILA CABELLO vs. (10) HAILEE STEINFELD

We went back and forth a LOT on the placement of these two before they were seeded — this year, I’m not gonna lie, we had a really hard time because SO MANY people were at about the same level. In the end, I think it worked out. Two pop singers, going at it mano-a-sartorial-mano, beginning with Hailee:

This is not a good dress, and every time I get to the bottom, I think of how its sins MIGHT have been easier to swallow if she’d gone for some really sexy funky shoes instead of dyed-to-match satin Nudist knockoffs. Sigh. She also got in on the Knives Out sweater fad, before Knives Out was even a thing:

Unfortunately, her version was Moths In.

That could have been cute, but it being frayed everywhere is off-putting, and the sleeves being that long over her hands makes her look like a fourteen-year old playing dress-up. Which, of course, is about how old she was when we first met her, but she’s 23 now (I feel old). This outfit gave me similar feelings:

I believe the sleeves ONLY attach to her neck, and they have built-in gloves. It’s bonkers.

This outfit, she infamously wore to promote Dickinson:

It is just so very naked, and just so very WHY.

Speaking of WHY:

These are thematically very similar. One has a choker, and the other looks like it’s made of crumpled up toilet paper (at least that means she HAS some?) and neither it nor her shoes fit optimally. Overall, I don’t think it was an aesthetic worth trying on twice.

That is AMUSING, but potentially very irritating when it comes time to walk through doors. Or past people. Well, unless you don’t like them.

My, what half-hearted dingy netting you have.

And what enormous sleeves you have for that blazer, when you could have used them to make pants!

“Maybe if I hold out the skirt, it will make me look more excited about this,” she thought. It did not. Camila actually often seems like she can’t muster up more than a glazed half-smile, including while standing next to Dame Helen Mirren.

Dame Helen is giving it her all, and Camila is like, “Whose grandmother is this? I wonder if she’ll hold my skirt for me.”

Archives: Camila, Hailee

 

(6) CELINE DION vs. (11) JULIA FOX

Welcome, Julia — a newcomer to Fug Madness and to fame in general. Julia made her film debut in Uncut Gems, but has dabbled in the art world, including, per Wikipedia, “an art exhibit titled “R.I.P. Julia Fox'”, which featured silk canvases painted with her own blood.” Um, Julia? Maybe hang onto your blood, okay?

Anyhoo, Julia doesn’t have a TON of outfits. So why is she seeded as high as 11? Simply put, because of this:

Celine responded with this bit of trickery: the appearance of a simple bridal ball gown…

and then KABOOM. It’s crazytown.

Julia, care to comment?

Yep, that is… a statement, for sure. But if it’s pantsless you want…

… then pantsless Celine will give.

After much consideration, the Julia Fox camp has fired back with a visible bra:

Celine responded with a falling-off top:

I can’t tell if this was meant to look like it MIGHT slide off and then actually DID, or if this was the intent all along.

Julia’s next salvo is a frowning tube top:

And Camp Dion said, “If frowning is what you want, we will make you DO IT right now,” and they did:

It’s dated and awful AND too tight. Even her shoes are pinching, and she is tanned and greased up to within an inch of her life. It was not Celine’s greatest day.

Julia tips her hat to that fuggery, and concludes her campaign with this mediocre use of denim-adjacent fabric:

Celine exhuberantly replied, “I’VE GOT YOU, BABE.”

She went to all the trouble of finding an ombre denim necktie, and didn’t even knot it? Also, I never understand why people don’t figure out the pant hem situation. They’re going to trample those and rip holes in the hems, although I suppose we’re entering into a phase where all of life is one big ad for Derelicte so she’s gonna be real prepared. Also weird: This outfit that’s entirely in blue fur, like she’s Cookie Monster or something. Oh, and these awful boots. And did I mention her Big Bird skirt? Or the Chanel biking unitard? Or this Valentino thing that you will see twice more, on different people?

So what’s the word? A super camp superstar, or a newbie who has stormed BOLDLY into our lives?

Archives: Celine, Julia