Fug Madness 2018, Round 1: Bella Thorne Makes Her Debut

First! A word about the rules: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2017, all the way through the Oscars that just finished (so, March 2, 2017, to March 5, 2018). Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. Do you need a refresher on how this works? The Fug Madness FAQ is here for you.

LET’S DO THIS.

PSA: Click on the name of the match-up and you will be taken to it directly. In this round: (1) Bella Thorne v. (16) Monica - (8) Olivia Munn v. (9) Hailey Baldwin – (5) Zendaya v. (12) Chris Sullivan - (4) Diane Kruger v. (13) Camila Cabello

(1) BELLA THORNE v. (16) MONICA

If we did what the NCAA tournament does and named an over-all number one seed — so, the number one of all the number ones — it would have been Bella. Her body of work is very strong this season. (In fact, over the summer I wrote a post called Bella Thorne Is Probably Going to Win Fug Madness.) But is she undefeatable? I’m not so sure, and I’ve been wrong before. Let me begin by pointing you to Bella’s archive. IT IS A JOURNEY, and one that you should take. But I’m also going to cherrypick a few looks that you will not want to miss when choosing whose fug reigns supreme. Before we get into that, though, I’d like to remind you all that Bella has been wearing this stuff while CONSISTENTLY working — she has a Freeform show, AND several movies that came out this year. She’s made some wacky sartorial choices but she’s got her professional shit together. Which is just how I like my celebs, frankly. (She can also look great when she wants to.)

So anyway, LOOK AT THIS:

It looks profoundly uncomfortable. (Although her hair looks great.) On the whole, she makes VERY intriguing choices with regards to her pants. Behold:

Speaking of trousers, she wore a pair of pants we ALSO saw another number one seed, Emily Ratajkowski. These pants are….I don’t even know. Why are….those zippers like that? She was kinda adorably perfect for Knotts Scary Farm.  I kind of fell in love with her when she wore this. She…was dressed appropriately for a rave? Such as that is. She showed us her very cute dog on the red carpet, and she debuted FORMAL SWEATS, which is a real accomplishment.

I’m sure you remember the Fashion Week Underboob, which she claims was inadvertent, but which I believe was at least semi-vertent. You might remember this cute lavender dress she also debuted at Fashion Week. But you might not remember that she also wore this at Fashion Week:

It’s sort of like if you went to a formal ball in service of the world air guitar championships, and honestly I wish that was a thing that people did.

Speaking of things people did:

Coachella just keeps giving. (I’m surprised she didn’t wear THIS at Coachella, honestly.) She LOVES wearing netting of all sorts; she did it here, she did it here, she did it here.

And of course she wore this:

On to Monica, who is basically here on the strength of two or three looks (sometimes you can squeak into this sixteen seed on one or two truly heinous life choices). BUT WHAT LOOKS THEY ARE. Look number one:

IT’S LIKE LANDS END HIKING SHORTS UNDER A LACE JUMPSUIT.

Here’s look number two. Do not allow how AMAZING her head looks to distract you from that skirt:

ANYWAY. It’s an uphill climb, but still! THE BOY MIGHT BE HERS? Anyway. Here’s Monica’s archive. It was nice knowing you, Monica. I basically just wanted to share that lace get-up again.

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(8) OLIVIA MUNN v. (9) HAILEY BALDWIN

NEVER FORGET that this is the year that Olivia Munn promoted beef jerky in not one but two questionable ensembles. She was tapped to announce the Golden Globes nominations, presumably on the strength of her jerky-shilling. It’s also the year she looked both morose and kinda naked, post-breakup, and wore patio cushions to the CFDAs. (She did — shh – look great at the Oscars AND at the Globes) She also modeled this:

It’s a bra she chose to wore to her manicure, all Sue Elle Mishkie-style. She, in fact, felt VERY Sue Ellen over the last 12 months:

She also, in terms of shirt interpretation, wore one as a dress (literally), and this half-baked tapestry gown:

She sported disintegrating denim shorts and thigh-heel boots on a plane:

As one does. If you need more — DO you need more? — here’s Olivia’s archive.

I was going to say that I think Hailey would love to have Olivia’s level of fame, but I actually think Hailey Baldwin might be making more money than Olivia Munn right now and is possibly more famous than she is on the Insta-Star level. To discuss! Certainly, her archives for this year are VAST.  She wore a shiny but vaguely desperado frock to the Vanity Fair party, which, ditto. She went to Cannes! (She actually also wore this other kinda great gown at Cannes, even though it did include formal panties.) She got to go to the British Fashion Awards! She was invited to the Bazaar’s Icons party! (Where she looked great, actually.)

This was truly hideous:

This was a big pile of no thanks:

This shirt is extremely perplexing:

This feels like a flaccid dry run for something else she wants to wear later:

IT’S BAD. Speaking of bad, even she looks unimpressed by this:

And her Met Gala look was AWFUL, even though it was Carolina Herrera:

And we haven’t even talked about her dubious boot choices!

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(5) ZENDAYA v. (12) CHRIS SULLIVAN

This is surely the only time these two will ever be in head-to-head competition? I guess you never know. With that out of the way, I want to note for those of you who were horrified to see that Zendaya was in this competition: She is a treasure and a miracle worker, but she also swings big and those who swing big sometimes miss big. For every time she shows up dressed as a beautiful butterfly, there’s…one of these:

INTERNAL SCREAMING FOREVER.

For every time she pulls off wearing an armless trench over a track suit, there’s something like this:

There’s oversized and then there’s OVER.SIZED.

For every Sexy Ringmaster look, there’s this and YES those ARE pants:

For every amazing princess dress, there’s this:

For every OUTSTANDING gold coat, there’s this:

For every time she literally looked like a member of a royal family, there is:

Enjoy Zedaya’s VAST archive. There is SO much more I didn’t touch on here. She got run over by Calvin Klein! She went perhaps TOO 70s at a party! She sported profound culottes! She was OBSESSED with white heels for awhile! She looked AMAZING AT THE MET GALA (wait, that doesn’t count for these purposes). In short: She did A LOT this year. Get lost in it.

If Zendaya did a lot, Chris Sullivan, of This Is Us, did the most in another way:

I kind of appreciate that he’s breaking boundaries of man fashion, to be honest. Is it weird that my big note here is that I think his hat is too small?

This is rather normal, but I have questions about the Mardi Gras beads:

And while we’re talking about accessories, take a close look at these glasses.

Do we want more men to wear top hats on the red carpet…or not?

We DEFINITELY want people to KEEP THEIR SHOES ON AT WORK:

Honestly, y’all, I feel like this guy might be a little exhausting:

(Here’s his archive, but you’ve seen most of it above.)

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(4) DIANE KRUGER v. (13) CAMILA CABELLO

Ah, Diane. She pushed hard for an Oscar nomination this year — not misguidedly, either; her performance in In the Fade won her the Best Actress award at Cannes, and while that’s not a surefire predictor of an Oscar nomination, it’s not a terrible one, either. Anyway, she didn’t get one and she must have been disappointed. (I am sure everyone who didn’t get one looked at Meryl and was like, “sigh. Meryl.”) But that DOES mean that she was out and about promoting things with a vengeance this year and ergo brought us much material. Including this:

That sweatshirt cost like $900, FYI. I enjoy how the look on her face in this photo seems to be saying, “wait, it cost WHAT?”

She did manage to pull off one of those bonkers sports-bra Valentinos, and sported many good coats, but as Zendaya before her, for every charming Jason Wu dress and amazing Dior gown and floaty fabulous party frock, there’s a clunker like this:

Or that time she wore a dress with Transformers for Sleeves? (Truly, in many ways 2017 was The Year of the Confounding Sleeve.)

Or that time she just threw up her hands and decided, “to hell with it. I’m gonna wear a onesie.”

Or the time she made a shirt out of, I guess, toilet paper?

And there’s so much more! She dressed like an amazing prehistoric sea creature! She wore formal Bermuda shorts! She wore a DEEPLY tragical Prabal. She prompted me to write a post called Does Diane Kruger Look Crazy In This? I do not even know how to explain THIS. And then THIS HAPPENED:

YES THOSE ARE SHORTS. In fact, just behold Diane’s archive. There is A LOT going on.

Meanwhile, if you’re Camila Cabello, you’re riding high on the fact that Barack Obama mentioned that he loves your song “Havana,” (or at least I assume you are; that had to have been unexpected) and you’re having a professionally very fruitful year. But sartorially?

Like Diane, it was hit or miss. This wasn’t terrible — at all. And she looked good at the Grammys (she likes red). At casual events, she has the habit of opting for SUPER NORMAL, which is pleasantly relaxing for me. She even once popped up in a sort of Mary Poppins-esque look that I know Emily Blunt is eying with great envy.

She does have a tendency to go for the thud, though. This was underwhelming:

This might have just been….whelming (though her accessories are fab):

This is bizarre and I would LOVE to hear what her stylist said to talk her into it:

At the time, Heather called this Sexy Mall Cop, and I’m afraid I agree:

And this was just a dud. (You can bounce back from all of this, Camila! I have faith in you!)

Here’s Camila’s archive.

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