Fug Madness 2020: Melina Takes On GOOP

Jump to the polls:

(1) Kat Graham v. (8) Hunter Schafer · (4) Melina Matsoukas v. (12) Gwyneth Paltrow

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(1) KAT GRAHAM vs. (8) HUNTER SCHAFER

Hunter is on Euphoria, but before that, she was a model. I think that’s contributed somewhat to her avant-garde fashion sense. Not that there is anything avant-garde about this.

I believe that is Miu Miu, as she wore it to a party for the company, and it’s generically terrible. I hate that sheers are so normal now that one could consider them generically terrible, by the way, but here we are.

This is decidedly funkier:

She’s carrying it off as well as one can, but visible shirttails do not need to surge right now. They just don’t. (Fortunately, fashion-wise, NOTHING really is. Because we’re all at home — I HOPE; STAY HOME — and no one can see that we are in our daytime pajamas.

The combination of the giant boots and the gargantuan loincloth is really exceptional.

That gets a big old YEESH from me, not least because you know how I feel about pantyhose socks.

This is a weird jumble:

And finally — at least as far as my photo choices go — I will never understand this, and I posit that it would not look good on a single living person:

I have a treat for you, from Kat Graham. It’s a photo we didn’t have in our archives, which makes her look like she has an unusually tiny head:

I love this next photo, because it reminds me of Fashion Week, and the way everyone tries to look blase and like they’re not noticing the cameras all around the celebrity that happens to be sitting in front of them.

However, she looks wacky. And this just hurts me:

Do we think that bodysuit is… chafing? Do we think the skirt is attached to the pants? (Yes, right?) Do we think people can stop providing earnest PROOF of bodysuit?

She is deeply theatrical. And also a lover of capes, as evidenced by this gigantic green sweater:

But I think this might be one of the linchpins of her Fug Madness run this year:

Both of them have plenty of other stuff in their archives, and you can also check Jessica’s Round One post for more information before you rock the vote.

Archives: Kat, Hunter

 

(4) MELINA MATSOUKAS vs. (13) GWYNETH PALTROW

Gwyneth is a confusing cat. She is a career charlatan, and a deep snob about so many things (like the Marvel movies that have helped pay her bills and maintain her platform), and then she’ll show up at the Globes in something terribly desperate-looking like this:

Her face says, “I’m going to let you think I’m trolling you, but also, I’m pretty sure I look great and I am wearing this with some level of self-satisfaction.” Okay, Gwynnie! Joke’s on you, because now you’re everyone’s human poop emoji.

There was also this:

It’s so… mangy.

Anyway, if Gwyneth is a person who can get all dramatic on us when the occasion doesn’t warrant it, then why is she also a person who gets so BORING on us when the occasion DOES?

She wore that to the Met Gala, when the theme was camp. Unless that is a nightgown she once wore WHILE camping — which is very possible, I suppose — then it doesn’t qualify. Also, given that Gwyneth ALSO once loudly said how boring she finds the Met Gala to be, and yet suddenly is willing to show up again, shouldn’t she be going ALL IN rather than simply deigning to be there?

Here she is at the conference where she peddles her fraudulent practice:

Eeeehhhh. And:

Does GOOP’s version of good health not involve ironing?

And finally:

This is a reasonable outfit, poorly deployed. She looks sloppy in all three of the above photos, in a variety of ways. They’re all garments that could make sense, in some contexts, but where Gwyneth takes this weird left turn into MEHville.

And this dress looks like it’s anchored by skin piercings.

Melina’s fuggery is more dramatic. None of us will ever forget the bizarreness of this:

But did you know about the similar weirdness of THIS?

And obviously we need to revisit this canary confusion:

Her shoes look like they’re made out of Bears vs. Babies. At least she TRIES with her shoes, but my goodness, these are a frumpy pick:

That sentence is true of the whole outfit, truly. And I found this strange Dior as well:

Heavy sweatshirt, mesh skirt. Sure. What hath Dior wrought?!?

But every Fug Madness campaign has an anchor, and if the Poop Dress is GOOP’s, then this has to be Melina’s:

At least I get why Gwyneth wore hers, or at least, I can guess at it. The longer I stare at this, the less I understand.

Archives: Melina, Gwyneth