You The Jury: Carrie Underwood at the CMAs

It’s that time again: Carrie Underwood hosted an awards show that — seemingly — featured more of her costume changes than actual statuettes. So bring out your yellow lined notepads and Bic pens, and arrange your faces into your best impassive stares as you file into the box and consider the evidence before making a judgment.

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[Photos: WENN, Getty]

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Comments (42):

  1. Chelsea

    I LOVE the first dress. It might be my favorite things she’s ever put on her body. Ever. I hate the second and third dresses, and I find the last 2 pretty but unremarkable. But the first dress wins the whole thing for me.

    • Kris

      Really? Because the first dress had me leaning toward “GUILTY!” from the start. It looks like she was wearing a really nice white dress, and then a bird ran into her chest and exploded.

    • Lucasta

      I totally agree, I love the first dress too. I have no idea WHY I love it, but I do. She looks gorgeous.

  2. Sandra

    A mullet with an eye-patch! I live for your descriptions of fashion horrors and she offers plenty of scope for your talents.

  3. Lindy

    She is so freaking TACKY!

    She has everything going for her: beauty, youth, a nice figure, money. Yet, the one thing she lacks–good taste–obliterates all her gifts.

    I wish her label would make her hire a great stylist.

    • Miranda

      This is exactly what I think every time I see her. It’s all so very pageant girl that it kills me. I guess this is considered classy in Checotah, Oklahoma and Tacky everywhere else.

  4. Mair Mair

    I know this is an overused description, but honestly, she looks like a Barbie doll. Her hair, in particular, is so fake looking. She needs some highlights or some lowlights or something (II believe the hairstylist term is “dimension”).

  5. Geeg

    According to People, there were TWELVE different dresses. I was hoping you would have a shot of the god-awful thing she wore at the very end of the show…

    • GFY Heather

      Aw man. This was all we had in our sub. BOO.

      • derpshooter

        Because I love everyone here:

        InStyle has all twelve in a disgustingly positive slideshow. The dresses are in the following order:
        1 Gangrene
        2 Gangnam Exhaustion Sparkles
        3 “My Stepmother is Alien” (in blue)
        4 Spilled My Hot Chocolate
        5 Black Overlay with Ripped Sweatpants
        6 A Dress She Stole from Anne Romney
        7 Parade Float Red
        8 Blurry
        9 Eyepatch Mullet
        10 Eyebrows on Her Hips (look at Brad’s shirt though!)
        11 Does this Herringbone Make Me Look Fat
        12 Retracting Pool Cover

        #5 (the black one) looks worse in other photos of it. InStyle’s photo makes the gray look smooth, but on other sites it looked like “heathered” gray just like everybody’s sweatpants.

        • Annie E

          I love you. That Spilled My Hot Chocolate Jenny Packham is awful and does not suit her AT ALL.

        • Helen

          Thank you, derpshooter. And I love all your names for them! Spilled My Hot Chocolate might be the worst, but really, they’re all bad except the simple long-sleeved mini.

        • Sajorina

          Thank you for the pictures!!! Now, let’s lock her up and throw away the key!

  6. currygirl

    Yay, I missed You the Jury!!! :-) I always want to be friends with the prosecution and defense teams. They seem fun and sarcastic. Hey, kind of like you gals! ;-)

  7. Stefanie

    That first dress is horrendous. Terrible. Offending my delicate eyes. I can’t see past it.


  8. pidget

    Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian and can’t fully grasp Country culture, but I can’t help wondering who she is under all that STUFF. Hair, makeup, fluffy things, eye-bedazzling sparkles – who is she underneath it all? I am so distracted by the overwhelming costuming that I can’t see the actual person.

    • Amberoni13

      No no no. In reply, I say simply SHANIA TWAIN. Now, Canada, go think about what you’ve done.

  9. Bella

    She is the updated version but classic cliche of the female country singer. They always did wear the tackiest clothing and hairstyles.

  10. Mouse

    I….sort of love that red dress… *hanging head in shame* Side butt bow and everything…

    I just can’t with the mullet dresses though. Make up your mind. Are you wearing a short dress? Or a long one? CHOOSE ONE. I have the same issue with capris…

    And agree with the other posters – the spackled makeup and Barbie yellow plastic looking hair are pageant excess.

  11. Brooke

    Not one remark from Fug Nation on the glove whatnots or bedazzled girdle on Exhibit B? Everyone’s eyes must have been smacked by the atrocity that was Exhibit A.

  12. Eli

    She could be photoshopped into the “Does He Love You?” video scene where they are at the award show without anyone being like “Look, she’s from the future!” So. It is bad.

  13. witjunkie

    The only one I sortof liked was the first one, and even that was a bit too Midsummer Night’s Dream to really pass. Sometimes I think she looks stunning, and other times she looks like a cliche. Maybe she lays it on a bit thicker for the Country things – know your audience, and all that.

  14. Carolina Girl

    I let out a squeal of joy so loud that our HR Manager came out of his office to see if everything was OK. Thank God for this ridiculously expensive privacy screen they got for me. It blocks everything unlsess you’re looking directly at the screen.

    I freaking love these Carrie Underwood posts. She’s so over-the-top that it’s almost cute. ALMOST.

  15. Ruth

    The shoes in picture #2 look like terraced clodhoppers. So stumpifying and ugly. Plus the long sleeves with attached fingerless mittens are just ugly.

  16. Lauren

    Am I the only one who had no idea if Guilty meant she looked awful or if she looked great?? I am so confused!!

  17. Fuh Ugh

    I believe she’s actually “GILT-EE”

  18. Lynne

    So is anyone else wondering if the Hayden Panettiere’s character on Nashville is directly influenced by Carrie Underwood and if perhaps Underwood is that demanding and awful behind the scenes?

    And also, could the fact that she looks like a deranged former pageant queen be an intentional appeal to her demographic? Possibly?

    • chickadee

      I really don’t think Hayden’s character is based on Carrie. Even if Carrie is uptight or demanding, no one in country music seems to doubt her talent (she was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry relatively early in her career.) She is also seems to be genuinely religious, so I don’t think she’d do the whole “sleep with the producer/guy you want as your band leader/anybody really.”

      That being said, even when one has fabulous legs, mullet dresses are not ok (especially poufy mullet dresses.)

  19. Vandalfan

    This is a misdemeanor at best, or a probation violation, considering her body of work. She deserves local jail time only. It’s not a fashion felony requiring over a year in the pen.

  20. jjdaddyo

    You’ve heard of Malibu Barbie? You’ve heard of Figure Skating Barbie?
    When I look at Carrie Underwood, all I can think of is “High Maintenance Barbie”

  21. Helen

    Exhibit D is okay.

    Guilty, guilty, guilty on all the rest! Especially Exhibit B. That’s the most heinous.

  22. Cinnamon

    The defense states that if you had legs like Carrie, you would mullet all your gowns too!

  23. Andrew S.

    The purple & Gangnam style dresses were cute but everything else was a mess, especially that fuzzy one.

    Also, please more ‘you, the jury’ in the future! I ADORE it.

  24. Sajorina

    GUILTY AS SIN! Bored and tired of the same old crap she pulls over & over again! “You The Jury” is one of my favorites and I want more of it!!!

  25. anonymoose

    Props to GFY, Derpshooter, and FugNation! None for Underwood though. Yikes.

    Each ensemble is as overshot as her singing.

    Heavy-handed make-up, overdyed yellow Barbie hair, and what I can only describe as glittered vomit across the top of that first of many craft-project-gone-wrong dresses! So many glaring missteps on such an otherwise lovely woman.

    She makes Dolly Parton’s get-ups look modest and understated.

    • Kristin

      Dolly Parton’s look is so knowingly over-the-top that I cherish every gaudy spangle. (“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap,” indeed.) Carrie actually thinks she’s stylish, which is so much less fun.

  26. Samantha

    The first dress makes her look like she was ravaged in Jumanji by some kind of angry vegetation.

  27. Kate

    There was some chatter going around that Carrie is pregnant. The first couple of dresses made it seem like that could be the case and it was just meant to bring the eyes away from the midsection. But then we hit the second half and I’ve got nothing for you.

  28. mary lou bethune

    Why does she always look so flat effect despite the ridiculous dresses?

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