XfugXfug, Gossip Fug


This is one of those things that is SO NOTEWORTHILY TERRIBLE that I am pretty sure I am going to choke like Sasha Cohen in an important Long Program, and fail to do it justice:

It’s like….

…..

……………..

…..

…..

FRINGE. BOOB SWIRL. ILLUSION NETTING. AND MORE FRINGE. I keep hearing those words in a loop, set to the tune of Target’s “DENIM, Shawn White Hoodies and DENIM” theme song,” except with “FRINGE” in the place of “DENIM” and, you guys, I would take a Shawn White hoodie over this, because I could work with that. Instead,  I’ve got half a joke about mold, three-quarters of a gag about a paper shredder, and a fifth of a jest about a fax machine, a beaver, and rabies. I’ve got part of a joke about figure-skating — although I already used one, so that’s out — and part of another joke about the fancy wall hangings at my local  Chinese restaurant, and then a hint of a gag about formal guest towels, and a wee bit about fire hazards mixed in with a dash of something about inadvertent self-strangulation, and a teeny hair of something about what’s going to happen when she gets all that fringe stuck to her lipgloss. I’ve got a totally half-cocked yada yada about horses’ manes — or possibly their tails? — and then a wholly unbaked blah blah blah about how her shoes totally don’t even match. I CAN’T MAKE THAT ALL WORK. THIS HAS BROKEN ME.  SO MANY REFERENCES. SO MUCH CRAZY. I’M BROKEN. I’M OUT.

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Comments (96):

  1. Miranda
    0

    Paz de la Huerta. Boardwalk Empire. That is all.

  2. KK
    0

    I really liked this on the runway. I do not like it at ALL in real life.

  3. Agent Scully
    0

    She also needs to stop posing like that: half swaying, mouth agape, looking for someone in the crowd, right there juuuust behind the photographer. Girl, focus. And get a better stylist.

    • Kristen from MA
      0

      Her posing makes me crazy, and not in a good way. Makes whatever she’s wearing look that much worse.

      • amys
        0

        Amen. The eyes unfocused gape’s ridiculously awful. I can’t even begin to take her seriously as anything other than an attention monger (to put it nicely).

    • Sarie
      0

      Seriously. She looks like she got hit on the head.

    • Dana
      0

      She has said (somewhat bragging-ly) in interviews that she styles herself…

      • Sonya Simpkins
        +1

        In the dark? Seriously! She needs to hire someone – stat. This ice-skating-outfit-had-horrible-accident-with-the-shredder-outfit is one very loud scream for help. Good lord.

    • RosieL
      0

      Omigod Agent Scully. Your comment has me choking with laughter here.

  4. Lindy
    0
  5. Lori
    0

    whoa, that one section of fringe looks like her ladyparts are dressed up as Santa Claus. If I were her waxer/laser-er, I would be offended.

  6. Pouncer
    0

    What?

    How?

    What?

    (Also, I miss Sasha Cohen, choking long programs notwithstanding)

  7. Lina
    0

    Wow, Marchesa is really, really over, huh? This is terrible! Granted, it’s less bad in the runway shots, mainly because the model there had much better styling and her sleek dark hair contrasted nicely with the shiny blue. But this does not work AT ALL. And that’s before I even get to BL’s mouth-breathing, “Dammit, that jerk just took my parking spot!” expression, which is JUST what you want to commemorate your 100th episode party pics with, right? Noteworthily terrible is right!

  8. AliceBlue
    0

    Second tier Greek goddess meets flapper.

  9. Mel Duff
    0

    Peacock tears?

  10. Sara
    0

    Someone already mentioned the back, but I have to second the heinousness that is her ass covered in illusion netting. No bueno.

  11. Libby
    0

    Maybe worse than Rosanna Arquette?

    What happens when she moves? Does the fringe sway and reveal more silver swirl and illusion netting peekaboos? Just wrong.

  12. CJ
    0

    It’s like a Bob Mackie mermaid-themed illusion dress meets the roaring twenties — or is that fringe supposed to be cascading water? It was terrible on the runway and it’s terrible here.

    Side note: why does she always tilt her head like that?

    • Artemis
      0

      MERMAID! I was going to say that, but you beat me to it! I think it’s a fine outfit for pretending you’re Ariel bursting out of the sea with your new human legs, but for a formal event – no.

  13. Dazie
    0

    WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHERE IS THIS GIRL’S MOTHER?

    I’M ALL CAPSY. :(

  14. lilimarlen
    0

    it is awful, but it also seems like an attempt at something vaguely great-gatsby-esque, thus reminding us that she didn’t get the part of daisy in the movie which makes the whole thing not only terrible but also sad.

    does she think the producers will see this and say “oh! we should have hired her over carey mulligan, she looks so much more like daisy”?

    • Edith
      0

      THANK YOU. I see this and I think “Thank God she didn’t get cast as Daisy!” Is that really what she’s going for?

  15. vandalfan
    0

    At first I thought a simple fringe-ectomy might save the patient. But all those bits that look see-through? They ARE, people. You don’t want the fringe to go, because then she’d be standing there in nothing but a few silver appliques and everything Mother Nature blessed her with, in plein air, al fresco.

  16. LoriK
    0

    OK, now can everyone stop pretending that Marchesa is the be all and end all? Some of their stuff is great, but a lot of it is just cracked out and they’ve hit a new low here.

  17. Devon
    0

    Did she lose a bet? Is she wearing this because she wants something Harvey Weinstein? This is HORRIBLE! I DON’T GET IT!

  18. Kristina
    0

    Is a fringed crotch curtain really ever necessary?

  19. Cranky Old Batt
    0

    I kind of like the swirly peacock boob frame part. That is the ONLY part I like, mind you, and I think I am being swayed more by the colors and that “at least its not boring” factor more than anything logical.

    The weird virginal white flapper fringe sucks. The hair sucks. The shoes suck. The overall length sucks.

    But the part from the shoulders to the navel has an abstract space-goddess-toga thing going on.

    • Karen
      0

      The swirly peacock boob part would look awesome on a figure skater, but I don’t believe it has a place on the red carpet.

      I had to blow that image up to its original size just to figure it all out. I think her shoes are supposed to match…her hair? And her earrings look like suppositories, which isn’t a great look, especially with that much bare flesh in evidence.

      The thing that’s even worse than…well, than the DRESS, is how *cheap* it looks in the blow up. It’s difficult to describe: I encourage you to do it for yourselves (not because I hate you, although I’d understand why you might feel that way).

    • Heta
      0

      I read “weird virginal white flapper” as “weird vaginal white flap” at first glance, and yes…exactly.

  20. Sarie
    0

    WHY?!?!???!?!????!

    Girl, get a damn stylist.

  21. ceecee
    0

    I’m giggling so hard I can barely type. This is the dumbest dress I’ve seen in ages from the front, and the back- oh, the back! Her butt has eyes and they are staring at me! No wonder she looks so tragic.

  22. The Other Molly
    0

    Looks like a costume from “The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas”.

  23. lanae
    0

    without the fringe it wouldnt be as awful

  24. Stefanie
    0

    I have no words.

  25. gladly
    0

    Remember Western Barbie? Someone press in the middle of Blake Lively’s back to see if she’ll wink.

  26. Louise
    0

    Huh. This actually looks like something Sasha Cohen would wear while choking in the middle of a long program. Except she’d add a Consumptive 1800s Prostitute Choker to the mix. GET ON THAT, BLAKE.

  27. Barbara
    0

    I think those things on her back are fish. The top ones look vaguely catfishy; not sure what the bottom fish with peep holes are supposed to be. (Once you look at them and think “fish” you can’t make them not look like fish to your brain.)

  28. Kimberli
    0

    This is terrible. It’s not even flattering. It’s just. . . God, it’s hideous! I can’t open the link to the back at work, but I can only imagine.

  29. meme
    0

    hate Marchesa.

  30. Caroleena Stantonova
    0

    I think I sawr that costume in a “Hideous & Nutz” catalogue. wtf!

  31. Lana
    0

    That’s when Ryan Reynolds will dump her, right? And she needs to hire a stylist, like, NOW.

  32. Amanda
    0

    I’m glad I’m not the only one with the same opinion of Sasha Cohen.

  33. Lynne
    0

    Marchesa ups the ante on hideous formal wear they have somehow conned famous people to wear.

    Also? I think we can obviously conclude that Leo was picking out her clothes for her during their brief hookup.

  34. tagatha
    0

    What the hell is that? It looks like it was alive at some point and now she’s wearing the remains of the corpse.

  35. Chris
    0

    It’s like Jennifer Lopez crashed into Natalie Portman’s character from Black Swan crashed into Björk crashed into Boobs’s…err…boobs.

    Suffice to say, when I look at a woman’s cleavage (not that I do often), I don’t want to be confronted with a Rorschach test. (For what it’s worth, I see atrocious fashion sense paired with an extremely disapproving Kaiser Karl.)

    I’d say this could be improved by more Legsly, but I think that’s only an improvement because there would be less of the “dress” to look at.

  36. Ladyblahblah
    0

    Girl is taking Fug Madness seeding seriously this year.

    • ohmygodGO
      0

      This is the only explanation that makes sense! There is no way to save this dress (with or w/o the fringe, the length, nada). It’s really just awful.

  37. Jamee
    0

    This is just…

    I just…can’t….

    Arghhhh this is giving me a physical reaction…

  38. witjunkie
    0

    I haven’t done the comprehensive research to say definitively, but I think when she is wearing something comfortable and human-looking, she’s relaxed and smiley; but when she wears something fashion-y, she gets the head tilt and slightly-parted lips, middle distance thing going on. Like, “TODAY, everyone, I’m wearing FASHION.”

  39. J
    0

    It’s not lined. All that lies between her crotch and us is some illusion netting and fringe. Yeesh.

  40. Dee
    0

    I fail to comprehend this think. It may be perhaps the single worst dress I have ever seen. I mean there are tackier dresses and more over the top dresses and dresses that fit bad, there’s illusion netting gone awry. but this dress fits AND the netting is the prefect color and it is still the most hideous thing ever. EVER.

  41. gav
    0

    Cheryl Cole once wore something similar to this!

    I know the dress is totally crazeballs, and defies all logic, but weirdly I think Blake is somehow pulling it off?

  42. Eli
    0

    Great, now I’m going to have Bolero or the score to Robin Hood Prince of Thieves in my head the rest of the day.

  43. Julia
    0

    ….cute shoes though, I guess?

  44. Hel
    0

    Here is the link to the runway look: http://nymag.com/fashion/fashionshows/2012/spring/main/newyork/womenrunway/marchesa/#slide11&ss1

    Does anyone know why Blake Lively almost always wears Marchesa?
    Anyway, this should be under the “WTF” file.

    • Devon
      0

      I think she wears Marchesa in exchange for some favours from Harvey Weinstein, Georgina Chapman’s hubby.

      Blake: Harvey, I really want an audition for “__________.”
      Harvey: Why don’t you come on over to the couch and we’ll discuss it?
      Blake: Err…no. I’m too classy for that? I’m a GREAT actress, on par with Natalie Portman, Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightly. Can’t I do something else for you?
      Harvey: No, I really want to have a casting couch session.
      Blake: Still going to say no? How about I wear you’re wife’s hideous clothing? I’m suppose to be a fashionable young thing. I’ll make it look amazing and everyone will want it!
      Harvey: No, I really thinking sitting on this couch is a good thing.
      Blake: Ok, if the dress thing doesn’t work, I’ll come sit on your couch. I really want that audition. Gossip Girl’s not going to be around forever.
      Harvey: DEAL! *rings up the wife* Darling, pick out your most disgusting, figure skating outfit. Blake Lively is going to wear it!

  45. Sajorina
    0

    I think this is Boobs’ Koi Fish/”Mermaids”/Mackie ode to Cher, but it doesn’t work unless she enters every room singing “If I could turn back taaaaoooommmm…” and tossing her long sleek straight hair to the side! Still, I think that if she takes the “Sonny & Cher” era fringe off, the dress could be nice, but only if lined in something other than nude, like lavender or gray! And, I LOVE & WANT THE SHOES!!!

  46. rvc
    0

    This girl tries so hard, is so desperate – it’s not even funny. She’s simultaneously over-dressed and under-dressed. She’s orange (I just can’t get over a Chanel girl being a Cheeto-girl, or anyone being orange for that matter), has horrible hair that hasn’t had a trim since her nose job and THAT DRESS! I agree with the others who say Marchesa is just overpriced ice-skater costumes no legit ice-skater would wear because it’s too tacky. I mean, they have some good ideas but have no concept of less-is-more. This dress just cannot be salvaged.

  47. rvc
    0

    I have to add – I thought this was at the AMAs, and that she was overdressed for the AMAs! WHY IS SHE WEARING MARCHESA TO CELEBRATE 100 EPISODES OF A CW SHOW?! Girl has serious narcissistic issues.

  48. Sonya Simpkins
    0

    Well, at least the shoes don’t suck…

  49. Hannah
    0

    Her dress is raining. Or leaking. Either way, not good.

  50. Infoqueen
    0

    Do you think she owns a full-length mirror?

  51. jkc
    0

    She’s a Journey album cover decorated for Christmas.

  52. valeria
    0

    On the basis of this “dress” alone, Ms. Lively must be included in the 2012 Fug Madness Tournament!

  53. noodlestein
    0

    In situations like these, I think that one of those choose your own acrostic sentence thingummies is in order. You know, you’d give us a selection of phrases from A-Z twice and we’d choose the second letter of our first name for the beginning phrase, and the second letter of our last name for the ending phrase, and voila! We could populate a whole blog post for you and unbreak your heart!!

  54. Callie
    0

    I mean, the dress is obviously totally beyond salvage, but somehow she does the seemingly impossible and makes it worse by wearing it so charmlessly. That pose! Blake, seriously, have a word with yourself, love. Or SOMEONE have a word with her, PLEASE.

  55. Lily1214
    0

    The whole thing is just too terrible.

  56. Rachel
    0

    For some reason, when I first saw this, I was first reminded of the old, 80s-era My Little Pony, Minty. See, http://images.buyitsellit.com/1898664.jpg. It’s made from her mane and tail! (Or it could be the cold medication I’m on).

    • ChristopherD
      0

      LMAO&ROTF “Minty”! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. The dress is unsalvageable… (the shoes are wrong – I know, I know when a dress is this wrong, but they are – they’re the wrong colour) Blake looks like she was hit in the head, but all I can see now is Minty – thank you (because I looked at the back and I thought that image was burned into my retina’s forever… actually it is, but Minty makes me laugh so…)

  57. anny
    0

    @Kristina – Is a fringed crotch curtain really ever necessary?

    Yes.

  58. ChaChaHeels
    0

    Can’t we just stop publishing photos of people in clothes by Marquesa and Stella McCartney now? How many more must be made to suffer?

  59. Sandra
    0

    That was actually a pretty damned good ice-skating joke, so you don’t need to worry about having used it up too soon. Sasha was a compelling skater to watch and could have been utterly kick-ass if she had listened to Mr. Nicks and done her run-throughs.

  60. Asha
    0

    Cheryl Cole wore something similar a while ago: http://gofugyourself.com/fugs_aloud070209-07-2009

  61. Ann
    0

    It looks like her body is leaking stringy sap of some sort. This could explain a lot.

  62. Racheldidi
    0

    She looks like she is dressed for a 1920′s/Under-the-Sea themed prom.

  63. Kyasarin
    0

    It looks like she’s about to bust into a rhumba on Dancing with the Stars.

  64. Veronica
    0

    I, uh, kind of like her shoes.

    They’re the only thing I can bring myself to focus on for more than three seconds.

  65. Dale Steliga
    0

    WOW I usually love her style, but I’m just not a fan of this. Nice post!

    xoDale
    Just posted a gold bracelet Versace giveaway on my blog if you have time:
    http://www.savvyspice.net

  66. daphne
    0

    ok, ok, I hear all the criticisms.. the fringe is fugly- BUT-

    that silver and celadon Ondine color scheme? WOW.
    I think Marchesa should REMAKE THE DRESS JUST FOR BLAKE, to make up for this embarassment.. so Ms Lively can shine like a 21st century mermaid in shimmery gorgeousness.

    uh, I obviously really liked that color scheme and what was UNDER the horrid fringe curtain..!

  67. Anna Maria Cárcamo
    0

    EEEEW WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!?!

  68. Megan
    0

    obviously can’t stand the dress, but LOVE the shoes. what kind are they????

  69. monsterbeats
    0
  70. Chris
    0

    Violence!! Swift and blinding Violence!!

  71. carol
    0

    FRINGE IS NOT A SKIRT. holy cats, that’s horrible.

  72. Sneza
    0

    ::pat, pat:: You did your best, Jessica. Forget about it. It’s Chinatown.

  73. Diana
    0

    her taste level can be summed up as `white trash beautiful`

  74. Diana
    0

    O…M…G… that runway show had some AWESOME dresses that i would kill your baby for, but she just HAD to go for one of the ones that were remarkably craftily made out of mops.