I really kind of feel for Selena Gomez. It is hard enough to be involved with a 17 year old boy — from what I recall of 17 year old boys, my first-hand knowledge of which of course dates from a time when we all lived in caves and had to wash our loincloths with rocks and had not yet fashioned the wheel — without having your boyfriend be the target of a paternity crisis covered by TMZ. (No offense to the three 17 year old boys who read this website — when I was 17, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and TV consisted of primitive cave drawings, I thought you were quite dreamy and spent a lot of time riding my pterodactyl past your caves to see if you were home.) But my advice to Famous Ladies With Boy Trouble never wavers. It is the same as my advice to non-famous ladies with boy trouble: it’s in your best interest to look extra hot at all times, just in case you find yourself in a situation where you might end up thinking, “I can’t believe [XYZ] just happened, and I hadn’t even washed my hair.” It’s sort of a corollary to my personal motto, “Put On Some Lipstick, You’ll Feel Better.” So what I’m saying is, I don’t know what kind of shizz is going down between these two, but I approve of her popping up at this event looking fantastic whilst he looks like Eddie Munster. It just pleases me.