Who Fugged It more (Or Less): Cate Blanchett vs. Nicola Roberts

Hey, remember this, from about two years ago?

She is doing “Hello, lovers” before “HOLA LOVERS” was even a glint in J.Lo’s eyes. Personally, I think it was a test. She was like, “You think I can pull off anything, eh? Well how about GRANDMA’S AFGHAN?”

Fast-forward to Monday:

Nicola Roberts, formerly of Girls Aloud, went full crochet to her ex-bandmate Cheryl Cole’s birthday party. But the real gift here was to us, don’t you think? I’m sure someone Very Important made this, and it costs A Bajillion. But I like to imagine Nicola has an Etsy store for which she makes Snuggies based on famous dresses — Cate’s crochet couture, maybe J.Lo’s famous Grammys non-dress, Gwynnie’s ill-fitting pink princess Oscar gown, even Demi’s Oscars bike shorts from back in the ’80s. I would buy that Snuggie. I really would. But I am holding out for the one that apes Celine Dion’s backward suit. Come on, Nicola. Dream big.

So, which is better?

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[Photo: Splash News]

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Comments (47):

  1. Funderpants

    Is her head abnormally large for such a small body, or are we on photoshop terror watch?

  2. Kate

    I was thinking that too! Her body is way too small for that giant peach. Perhaps that’s why that hand appears to be holding her up.

  3. Hollie

    I would love Nicolas if it was shorter. The pattern over the length spoils it for me. To my mind, a long-sleeved minidress would be awesome in the pattern (but I realise I may be entirely on my own on that point..)

  4. Niki

    I just love it whenever that photo of Cate surfaces – the two guys on the left taking pictures are two of my classmates from uni in England

  5. Crystal


  6. Winona (not Ryder)

    You went full crochet. You *never* go full crochet.

  7. Danna

    The dress looks like it’s made of a stretch fabric with a crochet pattern, not true gramma’s granny squares afghan squares sewn together. That doesn’t make it any less hideous though. Did anyone else this she was SJP at first glance???

  8. Small Dog

    WHY does Nicola look like a bad wax figure of Blake Lively here? It’s distressing…

  9. Jill

    I’m actually with Hollie. The second dress as a long sleeved mini dress would be kinda cool, but I can’t tell if that’s because of her retro hair or not.

  10. Katharine

    Neither, but Cate’s looks like a designer-perpetrated statement, fully embracing the hideous ugly of the granny squares. Nicola’s looks like mid-range expensive, you know, Cynthia Vincent-ish or maybe Sienna Miller’s line, trying to delude the viewer that in fact this expanse of horror is gloriously sexy in a deluxe way.

    So I suppose Cate wins, in that her dress could be interpreted as making some kind of a statement other than “I have more money than I know what to do with.”

  11. Jay

    I am unashamed to admit that I’ve always loved Cate’s dress. Honestly can’t see why everyone hates on it – it’s quirky, colourful, fun, and she looks fab.

  12. Breda

    I actually quite like the smaller pattern: I think it’s fun. I do agree, though, that it might be better as a long-sleeved minidress. I’m sorry, Cate: you’re my FAVORITE and I want to be you when I grow up, but I just like the other dress better.

  13. avidbeader

    Just when crochet is finally pulling itself out of the shadow of the granny-square monstrosity… *shakes crochet hook at attempts at ironic revival of something that should have stayed dead*

    I think both of these would be fab if the choice was limited to shades of a single color group.

    Okay, and if Nicola’s dress was NOT to the floor.

  14. Libby

    I agree Danna, the second dress looks like some sort of awful polyester/nylon print material from the 70′s.

  15. Erin

    But…isn’t that second picture a Blake Lively wax figure? Every part of that picture is really creeping me out.

  16. Alice

    Nicola’s dress looks like it came out of a Klimt painting. I like it a lot more than I probably should.

  17. Jenny

    I’m with Erin, except more like a bad SJP wax figure? Or just a very lifelike Pez dispenser?

  18. Simone

    Cate all the the way because she is Cate! And didn’t Nicola Roberts used to be a ginger? Stick with your natural hair colour girl, now you look like a washed-out, replacable Hollywood starlet!

  19. Mongerel

    Heaven help me, I love them both.

  20. Geemee

    I really like the second one and I would like Cate’s too, if it didn’t have the ruffles at the top, wrist and bottom. I’m sure those ruffles are considered more of an artistic statement than the dress itself. Whatever, I don’t like ‘em. (Full disclosure: I’m learning to crochet, so I’m biased.)

  21. Em

    It must be an optical illusion but I kind of can’t get past how HUGE Nicola’s head looks. Seriously, it’s the same size as her torso! That’s just not possible. The photo is freaking me out.

    But… I agree that her dress would be cute as a long-sleeved mini. As it is, it looks like a very small crocheted Snuggy/Slanket.

  22. vandalfan

    If I get a potholder from either of these gals for Christmas, I’ll know where they came from. I’d prefer this better as a long sleeved mini, but only the way I’d prefer to be crushed by a python than hit by a bus.

  23. qwertygirl

    I feel I should change my name to something anonymous as I admit this, but I kinda like granny squares. Generally they’re colorful and sort of fun. Is it really right to make evening dresses of them? I’m on the fence–they’re playful and unexpected in a formal setting. And colorful, as aforementioned. Next to something shiny, I like something with lots of pretty colors. I agree that Nicola’s looks more like granny square patterned stretchy fabric, and that if that were the case, I would come down on the “um, maybe not so much” side of the equation, but I will stand up and say proudly that I think granny squares are fun and interesting and different, even if they’re maybe a little odd as formalwear. At least it’s not Jennifer Anniston’s 12 billionth black dress!!

  24. kt

    Cate looks comfortable and happy. Nicola looks trapped and like she’s about to tip over.

  25. Sandra

    What is the deal with famous (or “famous”) chicks going around in clothes in which they cannot walk? Seriously, the girl is about the size of a Cabbage Patch doll and it takes three grown men to hold her upright?

    And that’s before we even get into the cornea-searing awfulosity of the dress.

    Cate FTW, but as you said, only because she’s Cate.

  26. Sara L.

    I actually also love Cate’s dress, and always have. She has the ‘tude to pull off granny squares, for sure.

    The second, definitely some kind of print rather than actual granny squares, and that just means shes not trying hard enough. Embrace the crochet!

  27. yeahandalso

    If only Nicola’s wasn’t full length, it is actually rather cute if you imagine it ends just above the knee

  28. BMJ

    I literally thought the photo was of a blow-up doll. Why does her face/head look so fake? Bizarre.

  29. witjunkie

    The camera lens is closest to her head, that’s why her head is bigger. Whatever the camera is closest to is going to be the biggest thing in the photo which is why you should always move to the back of a group shot.

    I liked the second dress, I think it looks groovy in a Laugh In sort of way. Absolutey the hair is selling it.

  30. Alma

    I love that second dress! She looks very 60s mod

  31. Joni Woodhead

    I went with the second because the squares are smaller .. I actually like it a lot not as a lesser of two evils kinda thing … definitely would hem it though to cocktail length for myself, mini-dress length though if i had either these girls figures

  32. Kathryn

    Krysten Ritter also wore something soooooo similar to the first dress a while ago.

  33. Sajorina

    I like Cate’s dress; it reminds me of the macramé things my dad used to make for me when I was a little girl! And, whoever that Bobble Head is… I don’t like her giant head, her miniscule body or her dress!

  34. Bambi Anne Dear

    I actually love both- they’re so much fun and so unexpected. Nicola’s doesn’t look quite so heavy. I wonder if it’s not made of wool, or maybe a thinner ply. And for something that’s crocheted it’s so gorgeously slinky. But that head! What do the papps do?

  35. Chris

    Cate: The dress is fine. Maybe. The tights and hooves (which are reaching Kelis levels of heinousness) are what threw this into fug territory for me.

    …okay, Ruffle and Sleeve did not help. But the styling was not so much the nail in the coffin as much as it was the I-beam in it.

    Nicola, on the other hand, is unforgivable, and that thing should be burned. Or at least aggressively hemmed. It’s not like a Klimt funeral sheath – it IS a Klimt funeral sheath.

  36. Jordan Goslin

    Cate is spectacular and I would never TELL her she shouldn’t wear it. But the small print, I honestly don’t hate. Because I can actually look at it and think, oh pretty! then double-take when I realize it should be a gift from my grandmother.
    However, Nicola looks like a mannequin. Seriously, I thought, why are they asking us to compare her to a dressed up doll? And why has anyone brought a dressed up giant doll out in public? I was pretty sure that guy behind her was carrying her in.

  37. Mahastee

    Okay, but really, why did we not start calling her Cate Blankette after this? Too obvious?

  38. Nora

    That Nicola person has three people tugging on her in that pic, one very focused and determined, as if it’s incredibly difficult to keep away her mobs of crazed fans or rabid packs of paparazzi. You know, like she’s a celebrity, or important, or something. I hate to tell those people, but I think she’s safe. I had to look her up to know who she was.

    I say thumbs up to Cate, because she’s Cate Damn Blanchett, and she has the presence to wear most anything. The other chick just looks silly. Almost as silly as all those people desperately tugging on her.

  39. Anita

    I’m going to out myself and say that I, too, like granny squares. Cate’s dress is better mainly becuase it’s actual crochet made by an actual granny (one of the designers’ I believe) the other one is just a print by the looks of it. I think Cate’s dress would have worked if it had been styled differently. It amped up the ugly and not the quirk unfortunately.

  40. Autumn


  41. Lindsay

    Nicola’s dress is by Henry Holland who is FAB!!!! And it’s a stretch fabric, not crochet…

  42. Su-Yin Johns

    Just FYI: Cate Blanchett’s dress is by aussie label Romance Was Born, please google and see – this dress is by far one of the most wearable things they’ve made! Cate has now hired them to do costumes for her theatre company.

  43. ChaChaheels

    Look, when Cate pulled out something like this a couple of years ago (but I swear the squares were kind of “bra-positioned” then, so it was truly alarming) I thought: pray that doesn’t become a trend, ffs. So, for many months, it looked like the coast was clear! The crochet afghan trend just didn’t catch on! Now, here it is, back again like a tell-tale rash.
    No one needs this kind of nostalgia.

  44. maryse

    i love granny squares and have no complaints about either dress.

  45. becs

    They both make me itchy.

  46. Ysane

    I have a nightie in that exact afghan print jersey (which is what Nicole’s is). Peter Alexander, great bed wear, not for wearing in the street. I also have a jumper in afghan crochet with black edges which ROCKS! and did so long before Cate’s. So clearly: Cate good, Nicole bad, me have too much afghan.

  47. Amy

    I love Nicola Roberts and I love her dress. It’s wacky but the super simple shape means she pulls it off. Cate’s is too MUCH.