Fug File: Scandal

Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 4


Back in the Felicity days, did anyone ever imagine Scott Foley would have ANY career success threatening to snap people’s necks, and wantonly murdering, and walking casually away from a car he just blew up? Did anyone even imagine that until about halfway through his Scandal tenure?

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And yet here we are. Jake noticed a blinking red light underneath his car, so he turned tail and walked away and then unlocked it, which triggered the blast. Here is my question: B-Nefarious can do pretty much anything in the world and knows every secret there is, but no one there has figured out how to build a bomb without a crimson beacon of warning? Rethink yourselves, B-Cavalier.

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 3


As much as my relationship with this show is frequently one of frustration, there’s something soothing about the return to Scandal of the Week storylines, because it pushes (Un)B-Lievable stuff down and away from the fore. Of course, having said that, Portia de Rossi is stepping into that space and filling it with her own brand of being one scheme ahead of everyone, and while it’s nice to see a lady puppet master, it’s also a little exhausting to replace one shady behind-the-scenes operator with another.

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This week, Portia and the NRA honcho (played by Kyle Secor; I think he’s been on before?) are commiserating about Fitz’s insistence on gun control legislation, which is chapping the hide of her party’s extremist power players. She reassures him it isn’t going to pass, because she keeps all her schemes stashed in the hair that’s as tall as the Chrysler building. It’s like a head-purse full of plans.

incoming: mellie’s non-wine cardigan

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 2, “Stand and Clap”


Sometimes Scandal gets all hot for its own cuteness. And this week, in the midst of a montage about Mellie, we got this graphical collage of bad headlines:

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And, real talk, I would watch the hell out of that if Shondaland produced Mental Mellie and slid it into the 8 p.m. slot on Thursdays in place of Grey’s Anatomy, which I quit when I turned on the premiere and groaned OUT LOUD to my empty office at the mere sight of the interns. The issue being, of course, that I don’t think Mental Mellie the way we’d want to see it is an 8 p.m. show, but then again, Scandal isn’t a 9 p.m. show, really, and there it is anyway. Let’s just make it the 8 p.m. hour you ground your kids for watching.

We begin this hour with Olivia and Jake out for a jog:

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Is this supposed to be a metaphor — like, they’re next to each other, yet jogging in two different climates? Jake DOES keep insisting they’re not standing in the sun anymore, so maybe Olivia took that literally when she was getting dressed.

Jake announces, because everything boils down to sex, that he’s booked himself into a hotel room that she’s welcome to visit for booty calls. He actually says “booty call,” and he deploys it in the manner of someone who has just learned a groovy new term and wants to say it all the time. Booty call. Note, he does not invite her to spend time there. Just when she feels The Call of the Booty. Olivia protests this, but Jake is being super immature: If I recall correctly,  he all but whimpers that they’re not boyfriend-girlfriend, and now they’re back in D.C. in the real world, and he’s not going to sit around her apartment waiting for her to come home. Because God forbid he should be supportive and/or go get a goddamn job (seriously, if you are making me quote R. Kelly at you, then you have problems). Maybe HE should work at Olivia Pope & Associates, as one of hers is dead and the other is dead inside (read: working for Fitz).

Then Jake stops running and points out that Olivia’s political booty call is waiting. And no, it’s not Fitz.

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Fug the Show: Scandal Season 4 Premiere


The short recap is: The awesomeness of Abby’s hair is inversely proportionate to the impassioned grey turf that’s been implanted on Cyrus’s head, Mellie is handling her grief with Ugg Boots, and Olivia’s wine habit finally came back to bite her (but not in a way that ruined her wine cardigan, thank God).

Since the season three finale, when she jetted off with Jake in the wake of Fitz’s son’s death, Olivia has been slumming it in a putrid hellhole:

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She and Jake apparently took refuge on a mysterious uncharted island that’s equipped with deck chairs and a nice place to live and bang, and a dude who will bring them groceries and fine wine. It’s like the luxury resort version of the Dharma Initiative and its hatch.

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Oh, show. You’re so subtle. Although Where’d You Go, Bernadette? might have been more apt given the next shot:

get ready to go sunglasses shopping

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Fug the Clothing Line: Scandal for The Limited


Olivia Pope generally wears only pants, coats, wine cardigans, and boring colors. Three out of those four things are represented here. The one that’s missing may upset you. Hint: It’s the wine cardigan. I KNOW.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug the Show: Scandal season 3 finale


I have to say, I think Scandal would be well-served to limit itself to fewer episodes EVERY season. Because, as rushed as it was to find ourselves on the doorstep of the presidential election — without even a word as to who Sally Langston’s running mate even is — I am glad we didn’t have four more episodes on top of these. It felt like a lot of water-treading as it was, the number of times Olivia would let out a shaky breath and realize that she does horrible things in service of horrible people who pretend they’re America’s heroes.

So, last week, we left off with Harrison being romanced by Adnan Salif’s pistol, Rowan Pope brutally stabbed and bleeding out all over Olivia’s office floor, Squick setting records for being the Foulest On-Screen Pairing in the Universe on account of how they make out like they’re horny cannibals, and Cyrus being willing to vaporize a bunch of innocent people — and Jon Tenney — just to make election night easier for him. We pick up with Fitz rehearsing his eulogy and Cyrus becoming increasingly agitated, because he has realized that maybe, just maybe, the karma police like to throw you in solitary with moldy bologna if you effectively mass-murder a Church full of people just so you can keep your fancy office.

Meanwhile, Mama Pope, one of the most wanted women in the WORLD, is standing outside the Church she plans to bomb — a Church crawling with Secret Service and other security personnel because the people inside are all government types — WITHOUT WEARING A DISGUISE or even sunglasses and a kicky but inappropriate hat. No, she’s just merrily chatting on the phone about how Fitz will show up, for sure, no problem, and they can blow that joint into holy smoke, while NOBODY NOTICES THAT THE TERRORIST WHO THEY KNOW WANTS TO KILL THE PRESIDENT IS STANDING THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT CLAD IN GLOWING GREY AMID A SEA OF MOURNING BLACK. COME ON.

This blurry shot of Jon Tenney is one of VERY few we get of him in this episode, which is a shame, because the show went to all that trouble to set up emotional stakes for him and Mellie and then just wiped that off like they’re a dry-erase board. I can’t remember at what point they decided to cut the order to 18 episodes from 22, but perhaps not with enough time for them to cut down their planned arc for him in a way that made sense, and as a consequence, he got left with nothing. ANYWAY: Jake Ballard interrupts just as Cyrus is about to confess to Fitz about the bomb, and more or less doesn’t point the finger at Cyrus, which was nice of him — or at least, any implications he makes seem not to concern Fitz in the slightest. Instead, they clear out the funeral.

And then, while they’re in the bunker, and Jake Ballard is swearing up and down that there REALLY IS a bomb and they will not end up looking foolish…

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