Fug File: Figure Skating

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Gala


My personal confession is that I hardly ever watch the gala skates. Are you BATTLING FOR DOMINANCE? Then I don’t care. (Also, I hate skating to music with vocals, which means my life is going to become very difficult, as rumor has it they’re going to allow that in all figure skating now, rather than just ice dancing.) But I had to bring you Carolina Kostner’s pantlessness and Javier Fernandez’s adorableness if nothing else. Although there’s LOTS of “else.”

Did you miss any of our other skating coverage?  Behold the pairs! The men Your ice dancing! And, of course, the women.

PS: See you in Brazil, SWIMMERS.

[Photos: Me.]

react:

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Women


At last! The so-called marquee event of the Olympics, as full of DRAMA and FALLS and TIGHTS MALFUNCTIONS and SUSPICIONS OF RIGGING. Did you want to talk about the pairs? We can do that. Do you have a burning desire to weigh in on the drama of the men’s event? We are here for you. Can you no longer go on without discussing ice dancing? We ALWAYS want to discuss ice dancing. All ready for the women? Let’s do this thing. As always: discussion of drama is welcomed! Ashley Wagner has already started stirring the pot for you! (It’s rarely a good idea to really let it fly to the press on a day when you’ve lost. I’m saying that as someone actually think she makes a good point, even if she doesn’t acknowledge the irony that the very lack of transparency in skating is part of the reason she ended up at this Olympics in the first place. And I’m saying that as someone who thinks Ashley showed up this go-round with a major chip on her shoulder.) ANYWAY. DISCUSS. Discuss it ALL.

PS: Dear Johnny Weir, I think I’ll miss you most of all. You and Tara are the wind beneath my wings.

react:

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Ice Dancers


In which you will see both the medalists, and a variety of people that I felt you needed to witness in order to live a full and complete life. We’ve already covered the pairs, and the men’s competition, and all the Americans were covered at Nationals, although the Shibs have new costumes, so I decided to include them. And then because it felt weird to NOT include Meryl and Charlie, given that they won this one (and because I really love Charlie), I tossed them in too. And then I tossed in Bates and Chock because their short dance costumes are gorgeous. In other words: I am just making up the rules as I go along and I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Additionally, you might want to review what happened in the previous Olympics. THEY WERE COMPLETELY INSANE. They make all of these costumes look like something you’d rustle up at the mall. And, as always: rumor-mongering and tales of ice-dancing DRAMA welcome.

[Photos: ME]

react:

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Men


In which I say aloud to the TV, “BRIAN JOUBERT IS STILL ALIVE?!” As I mentioned in my post about the pairs, I got tired of waiting to bring you SKATING SKATING SKATING, so we’re breaking this out into a whole bunch of coverage this year. As I ALSO mentioned in my post about pairs, most of the Americans have already been discussed after Nationals...but that turned out to be a lie in this particular case, because I wanted to show you the back of Jason Brown’s Prince-themed costume and also we have to talk about Poor Jeremy Abbott, the Edith Crawley of figure-skating. ALSO we have to talk about WTF happened with Plushenko. Men’s skating rarely has so much dramz. ALSO ALSO ALSO, as usual, this is a melange of Winners Plus People I Thought You Might Want To See. SKATING!

[Photos: Screengrabs by my own bleeding hands, but these are marginally better than the pairs ones; again, apologies for our annoying photo situation in terms of sports coverage at the moment.]

react:

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: Pairs


There is SO much skating to cover, that I just decided to break it into separate posts, and while we traditionally cover all the skating in one giant fell swoop after it’s all over, I couldn’t wait to get started, and I didn’t want to make you wait any longer, either. As always, the American skaters were covered in our post about Nationals, since they don’t tend to change costumes — although I’ll try to get them if they do (I assume, for instance, that Ashley Wagner’s short program costume will be new, as she’s changed her program). Let’s start with the pairs, which is always less cracked out than the ice dancers. Be crazier, pairs!

Finally, my apologies for how small these are compared to the photos we usually get. Due to a kerfuffle with the image provider from whom we generally get sports photos, I had to take screengrabs of most of these. Hopefully said kerfuffle will be quickly resolved. Cross your fingers! And as always, skating gossip and tales of partner-swapping, coaching dramz, and romance are welcome.

[Photos: WENN, my TV]

react:

Fabs and Fabbers: The US Figure-Skating Championships


First of all, thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this post. We were traveling, and then I got run over by the Globes/Critics Choice Awards/SAGs train BUT I AM BACK and we have a LOT of falling down, illusion netting, and crotches to discuss. Also: I can’t believe that none of you told me that Rachael Flatt is wearing white skates now! VICTORY IN OUR TIME! (Well, except for Rachael. Poor Rachael. Just go back to college, girl.) Also also, we clearly need to talk about Ashley Wagner’s epic crack-up and how she ended up making the team anyway, which I understandthe Deadspin article I linked to last week called it the Marta Karolyi effect (if only US women’s figure skating was anywhere near as tight as US women’s gymnastics was in 2012) — but I still think feels a little unfair, perhaps because I just enjoy the drama of having nationals be, essentially, the Olympics trials and if you screw up, it just plain old sucks to be you.  AND ALSO ALSO ALSO we need to talk about how the Olympics is now having team skating. SO MUCH SKATING!

[Photos: Getty]

react: