Fug File: ANTM
At least Analeigh Tipton is having FUN?
This face says, “YES! I may have thrown this kind of cute blazer from Forever 21 over this kind of weird dress that’s kind of a bra-and-skirt combo held together by lace and now I look kind of like I lost a bet BUT! I am in a movie with Adam Brody and he’s STILL CUTE. TAKE THAT, TYRA!”
Toccara Jones here is one of my favorite past ANTM contestants:
And according to Wikipedia, she is about to star in (or is currently starring in) season 2 of DONALD TRUMP PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE MERGER, which is both a mouthful and a television show in which The Donald picks 12 dudes for a lady to date — like The Bachelorette plus The Apprentice, I guess. Last season — its first — the Lady in Question was (of course) Omarosa (because Trump seriously loves him some Omarosa, which I find kind of entertaining, actually) and APPARENTLY, she got down to the final dude and found out HE WAS STILL MARRIED. I can not believe I missed this, is what I’m saying. And I think the fact that the masterminds at Trump Inc who cast this show missed the fact that someone was STILL MARRIED goes a LONG way toward explaining why Tocarra is out and about wearing a cape: she may come upon some unfortunate news and have to fly away to safety at any moment.
MS TYRA BANKS:
I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.
I can’t believe I missed this last week.
There are pieces of cool here: I see potential in the shoulder area, and there might have been SOMETHING on the skirt if it didn’t have those saggy hip pockets. But that’s not illusion netting; that’s delusion netting. Might as well just stick your torso in some panty-hose and call it clothes. Parenthetically, how hilarious is it that Eva — whose hair has never quite worked ever since Tyra chopped it off and bleached it those eons ago — is now hosting Oxygen’s hair battle show? The first challenge should be her head.