Fug File: ANTM

The Best of Tyra Banks on ANTM: The Classic Years

As you may have heard, this past cycle of America’s Next Top Model was its last, news which prompted me to spend approximately six weeks binge-watching The Classic Years on Hulu — an activity I highly recommend. If it’s been a while since you watched ANTM, you may have forgotten HOW GREAT IT ONCE WAS.*  Not only did it bring legit drama (Respeito! That time Shandi slept with that male model! JADE), the early seasons are actually chockful of real, actual, good, legit modeling advice from Tyra, who is that magical combo of knowledgeable and hammy. Even better, I promise you that every single episode you will say two things to yourself: (1) “Tyra is SO pretty,” and (2) “Tyra, WTF are you wearing?” Although I strongly urge you to use this holiday break to ignore your loved ones and go on an ANTM binge-watch (I, personally, only watched cycles 1-7, or Adrianne through CariDee, because once Twiggy was gone and the real judges roulette began, I could not go on), if you don’t have the time, I’ve got that last bit covered for you. Behold: all the crazy stuff Tyra wore during the glory days of Top Model. With bonus crazy from Jay Manuel.

PS: This is not the first time we’ve done this. In a latter — LESSER — season (that I still watched, originally, of course), TyTy Baby wore ONLY JUMPSUITS.

*Full disclosure: Heather worked on ANTM for several years. I did not.


Fug the Party: ANTM

It’s sad to me that the beginning of the twentieth cycle of ANTM should have such a sparse red carpet. More people than this showed up, but I hadn’t heard of very many of them. Twenty seasons of a reality show should yield more winners at the party than you can count on one hand, plus lots of former contestants, and guest judges… sigh. Maybe let’s just close our eyes and remember the good times, like when everyone thought Cycle Four Michelle had a flesh-eating disease, or Amanda delivering “moving” “poetry” to describe her almost-blindness, or… Jade doing anything.

[Photos: Getty]


Tyraly Played, Tyra

Apparently I should’ve watched GMA today, because Miss Tyra was so animated she was practically a cartoon. There is never a dull moment with Ty Ty Baby, and I say that with love.

[Photos: Splash]


Eva Fugcille

So, it’s the weirdest thing — NBC’s big “all-star” TCAs party had almost no attendees I had ever seen before, and I say this as somebody who writes a blog often featuring people of marginal renown who walk the red carpet in various venues. I know Amy Poehler is shooting a movie, but where was Ron Swanson? Christina Applegate? Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph? Some John Krasinski to soothe our apprehension about The Office now that Catherine Tate has hijacked it? Hell, even Whitney Cummings wasn’t on the red carpet, and although I’m fine with that, you’d think her show could use the boost.

What was left? Why, Ms. Eva “Pigford” Marcille:

And even she isn’t 100 percent committed. Although those pants might GET her committed, in a wholly different way.

She changed up her act for a later shindig:

I have one picture in my hands


Crazy Stupid Fug

At least Analeigh Tipton is having FUN?

This face says, “YES! I may have thrown this kind of cute blazer from Forever 21 over this kind of weird dress that’s kind of a bra-and-skirt combo held together by lace and now I look kind of like I lost a bet BUT! I am in a movie with Adam Brody and he’s STILL CUTE. TAKE THAT, TYRA!”


America’s Next Fug Model

Toccara Jones here is one of my favorite past ANTM contestants:

And according to Wikipedia, she is about to star in (or is currently starring in) season 2 of DONALD TRUMP PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE MERGER, which is both a mouthful and a television show in which The Donald picks 12 dudes for a lady to date — like The Bachelorette plus The Apprentice, I guess.  Last season — its first — the Lady in Question was (of course) Omarosa (because Trump seriously loves him some Omarosa, which I find kind of entertaining, actually) and APPARENTLY, she got down to the final dude and found out HE WAS STILL MARRIED. I can not believe I missed this, is what I’m saying.  And I think the fact that the masterminds at Trump Inc who cast this show missed the fact that someone was  STILL MARRIED goes a LONG way toward explaining why Tocarra is out and about wearing a cape:  she may come upon some unfortunate news and have to fly away to safety at any moment.




I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.