Fug the Show: Lindsay Lohan on “Watch What Happens Live”


Lindsay comes to an end on OWN this Sunday night with a two-hour finale that might liquefy whatever is left inside my skull. To promote it, she went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, except apparently the “live” part was not entirely accurate, and said a lot of the types of things one says when one has done a reality show and the resulting portrayal of one’s personality is less than rewarding. Oh, and she also wore a crown:

AND A BRA. In fact, Andy Cohen asked her why she never wears one, and she shrugged that she thinks they’re uncomfortable, and then gestured to her demonstrably present black bra. I REALLY wish I trusted that she wore this outfit specifically as a nod to the Internet criticism she’s received for all that, but I don’t have a read on her self-awareness yet. She pointed it out almost like an afterthought, so if it was meticulously chosen, she forgot that awfully fast. Seriously, if I were on TV in that outfit — or at the grocery store in that outfit, or in my own home in that outfit — I would NEVER be able to forget it. In a bad way.

I MEAN. She looks like the No. 6 skater from one of those small nations that only ever sends, like, half of one figure skater to the Olympics. She’s totally auditioning for Reign, right? Anytime I see someone dressed as Coachella Attendee With Royal Aspirations, I think of that show.

She also does her Real Housewives style walk-with-motto, which she delivers as, “I’m done with mug shots and I’m ready for an Oscar.” She does at least laugh at this, thank God, but later she ALSO tells Andy that former Housewife Jill Zarin, who was fired in 2011, has a message for him — which is that Jill and Dina Lohan should do Real Housewives of New York together and bring up the ratings (their words). I KNEW IT. I KNEW Dina would have her eye on that prize. And that she would somehow try to wrangle Lindsay into giving people the idea. GROSS. STOP IT. To his credit, Andy looks and sounds terrified by that idea and only barely manages to cover it.

#SaveMatt was also present:

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Well Played: Kate, Wills, and George’s Royal Tour of Australia and New Zealand, Day Twelve


well-played

Today! Wills and Kate went to something called The Royal Easter Show, which best as I could figure out — please help me, Australians! — is somewhat like a really really LARGE county fair here in the US, full of livestock-shearing exhibits and people’s prize-winning pumpkins and whatnot. I actually love those parts of the fair: the livestock and the jams and the pies. The Los Angeles County Fair has an entire exhibition of tablescapes, and it is tremendous. I also have a friend who once cooked a literally prize-winning pie, which is just the best. In other words, this seems fun and also it led to some excellent photos, as you will soon see. A TON of people came out both to see them — Richard Palmer, who writes for the Daily Express, said on Twitter that it was anticipated to be something like 150,000 people — and presumably also to look at some truly glorious gourds. They they visited a children’s hospice (where Kate gave a speech) and hit the beach to look at a life-saving demonstration and also a surfing exhibition (or a swimming race? Something racey/swimmy/surf-y). Many a demonstration/exhibition/unveiling on this trip.

OUTFITS: Kate wore a white dress by Zimmerman, an Aussie designer (I learned this from the Duchess Kate blog’s twitter, HRH Duchess Kate. I have to say that the community of Kate Watchers on Twitter is very smart and helpful and friendly, and it’s been really fun tweeting with them throughout this tour). I really am into this dress. I would totally wear it to my casual summer wedding — and event that is, at this moment, totally fictional. It actually might be my favorite thing she’s worn all trip so far, at least in terms of being both new, and An Outfit A Normal Person Could Wear. Not that you teal Emilia Wickstead-wearing fashion plates are abnormal.

Footwise, she’s wearing her OTHER pair of Stuart Weitzman wedges (the Minx) –  this info per What Would Kate Do?’s twitter, and which I recognized from the South East Asia tour. Dammit, Kate. You are not helping me with my wedge addiction.

As for William, he wore a grass skirt and a coconut bra.  By which I mean he wore…drumroll...a blue suit. In fairness, this particular blue suit is extremely nice. Apparently at some point in the day, they went home and had lunch with George, and while they were home, he changed, and so it is William who actually has more than one get-up today, while Kate does not. Wonders will truly never cease.

[Photos: Getty]

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Well Played, Brandy


And now, after that last monstrosity, here is your palate-cleanser:

Not sure I LOVE the shoes with it, but they’re not nude, so I won’t complain. The rest of it is ADORABLE. She apparently didn’t get the memo that wearing actual fabric is so 2009, and THANK GOD FOR THAT. Nobody should get that memo. Burn that memo. I HATE that memo.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Maitland Ward


I know Maitland Ward from being on The Bold and The Beautiful a whopping 20 years ago, but she also apparently starred in Boy Meets World – which I never watched, because I chose my Savage, and it was Fred.  Many of you, however, will only know her as The High Priestess of Underboob And Chief Executive Crotchicer of No:

I feel like this is how another Exorcist sequel will start.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug Men: January Jones


I have been staring at this for fifteen minutes and I can’t… well, I can’t:

Everything she’s wearing is black, and if I’m not mistaken, they are all slightly DIFFERENT depths of black. They are also different depths of hideous. The blazer is mildly whatever, the tunic that might think it’s a dress is problematically terrible, and the pants are hot sliced loaves of no. Does she do this stuff on purpose so that we’ll all talk about how amazing her face is? If so… she’s a genius, because I just did.

[Photo: Getty]

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Top Fug: Padma Lakshmi


WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ANY OF US, MUCH LESS PADMA?

Is Padma taking on the role of Rayanne Graff in a theatrical reboot of My So-Called Life, featuring only adults twenty years too old for their parts? And if so, can we get Claire Danes back?

[Photo: Getty]

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