Met Ball Fug Carpet: Boobs Legsly

BOOBS: Hey, Kaiser! Can I call you Kaiser?

KARL LAGERFELD: No. not unless we’ve met before, and even so, nicknames are for lazy. REPENT.

BOOBS: Right, cool, got it. But seriously, it’s me. It’s Blake.

KARL: Blake Carrington?

BOOBS: Blake Lively. The face of Chanel.

KARL: No, knave. You are a wig factory of LIES.

BOOBS: It’s true! Look, you even gave me this awesome toga to wear.

KARL: It is not a toga. It is a dream uterus.

BOOBS: Really? Wow. So in a way, I’m, like, being born from your dreams.

KARL: Only if my dreams are in fact nightmares pregnant with wallpaper. PEEL.

BOOBS: Okay, I can…


BOOBS: Let me try this again:

BOOBS: Greetings, Mr. Lagerfeld. My name is Blake and I am incredibly famous.

KARL: You are a Grecian mermaid, and my heart is Poseidon’s casserole. REHEAT.

BOOBS: Sweet! It worked!

KARL: I’m kidding. Can you not tell that I’m clearly joking? My entire demeanor changes.


KARL: I can tell you what you’re not: A barstool.

BOOBS: It’s…

KARL: I have grown tired of your shenanigans. My necktie swells with ill-use. Begone, gnat, until such time as you’ve finished the brass-rubbing someone started on your torso. And even then, hang back. Enthusiasm is where excellence takes a bathroom break and desperation steals its seat. RINSE.

BOOBS: So do I still have a job?

KARL: Is the moon made of lapel juice?

BOOBS: … I’ll ask some other time.

Leave a reply

Comments (52):

  1. Sajorina

    This is one of the best posts EVER!!!!!!!

  2. Bea

    I think Non-Boobs, Non-Legsly has gone a visit to the surgeon too far…If only she could go back to her old wardrobe, then Boobs Legsly may reign once again!

  3. ok

    Wow. This is terrible.

    The hair color is off, she’s wearing a lace bodystocking + toga, and she’s shiny.

    She should go back to the boobs legsly.

  4. Sajorina

    I’m still laughing out loud at “Enthusiasm is where excellence takes a bathroom break and desperation steals its seat. RINSE.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

    THANK YOU, Heather!!!

  5. Mary

    Interesting. It’s pretty and interesting from view 2, and AWFUL from view 1. And I like her hair.

  6. I.K.

    Horrible dress, and her hair is, while not really fug, too close to her skin tone. Which is a shame since Blake is a really good looking girl!

  7. Geemee

    I agree with Mary: dress is fantastic from view 2, not so much from view 1. Her hair could be in a commercial. But why does her face look like she’s aged 10 years? Too much tanner?

  8. ginnie

    Karl’s outfit makes his head look like it’s floating above his body.

  9. Geemee

    @ginnie: To me, he always looks like Prince’s dad.

  10. Susan

    Actually, I’m going to give BL a pass on this. Not many could pull this off and I think she did a passable job. I do like her hair color.

  11. victoria

    The dialogs including Karl are always my favorites.

  12. themis

    I also like the changed hair on her. It is a little bit Ariel, sure, but it doesn’t at all look brassy, dry, or fake as mentioned in a previous post. It’s just nice to see a change, when she’s had the same exact hair for the last five or six years.

  13. yeahandalso

    I think it is kinda pretty, I just really don’t like that hair color on her. It looks like she used a semi-permanent home kit 3 weeks ago and it has faded. Also, the color really ages her she looks about 30 here

  14. freebird

    That dialogue was SUPERB!!! I love this dress. Blake is so blah to me. She’s like pop music before they started mixing it with bombastic techno beats and rap cameos. Bland. Not even amusing. Soulless.

  15. Claire Marie Winters

    I am actually a fan of the dress. I think she looks beautiful, but I do miss her natural hair color.

  16. LoriK

    I swear that when I glanced at the first picture I thought BL was posing with a cardboard cutout of the Kaiser.

  17. K.

    I’m with Mary and Geemee. I love the dress from the second POV (it’s crazy to me how drastically different it looks), and I dig the red hair. I dig red hair in general, and whoever her colorist is did a good job – her hair looks as shiny, thick and healthy as it always does. It doesn’t scream “DYED!” at me the way so many dye jobs do.

  18. Melanie


    I love you guys.

  19. Joyce

    “You are a Grecian mermaid, and my heart is Poseidon’s casserole. REHEAT.”

    That made my day. Thank you.

  20. anny

    @ok – Correct, that’s not a dress, it’s a nylon curtain panel over a lace bodysuit, or as we used to call it back in Lake Wobegon, “dress-up”. All she needs is tights on her head for a ponytail.

  21. momo

    I thought for a moment or two that Karl was a cardboard cutout used for picture taking.

  22. anny

    Also: Barbie called, she wants her shoes back.

  23. tamam

    I love her hair color. The Karl dialogue is brilliant as always!

  24. C-No

    Note: the hair is for a role.

    Carry on.

  25. Miz H

    The things that bug me the most about her dress is the shiny bodice and the white accent under her left boob. It’s not that obvious in these pictures, but in close-ups it is.

    Uncle Karl doesn’t look as orange as usual.

  26. Cecily

    Brilliant dia-La-Lage.

    And what on earth is that she’s wearing??

  27. Alma

    Her hair color is just so…brassy.

  28. Anna

    I love ginger hair, but frankly, Lively just doesn`t have the complexion to carry it off.

  29. Ines

    i also do like the hair!

  30. Lizb

    You guys are brilliant. Or hooked up with an awesome word randomizer. Seriously I could never put the string “lapel juice” together in a million years (and that’s probably a good thing because I did a spit take on my keyboard when I read it).

  31. amy t.

    Putting aside the outfit, what is going on with her hair? She’s making good money, and her hair color is fading faster than Glints. I mean, I was a redhead-from-a-box for years, and my color looked better after two months than hers does after a few weeks.

  32. Sandra

    What the…..?? The second photo looks as if she has had one of the eponymous Legs removed. Not good. Also, is Lagerfeld really still alive? He certainly doesn’t look it. Maybe she’s filming Weekend at Karl’s?

  33. vandalfan

    I can easily skip over the nude, lace embellished body suit and sheer curtain, because I’m absolutely dazzled by HImself. I particularly like the hem of his trousers.

  34. Az

    Explain to me how anyone can make Chanel Couture look like mall wear…

  35. candice

    I miss Fat Kaiser. He had more of a presence. now he just looks like a shrunken man with a giant head.


  36. Bella

    I saw a close up pic of the front of this dress; it’s actually pretty. Her hair reminds me of Rita Hayworth. She must be trying on a different personality, but I kinda like it.

  37. belvo

    Just cracking up here, I will always love your dialogues, especially with Uncle Karl. Surreal and hilarious. Great work!

  38. Anne B


    Somehow, along with this dialogue, Blake’s look doesn’t seem all that crazy to me. :)

  39. kates

    Last time we saw her here, she was channelling the little mermaid, now she’s a grecian figure skater? Even Lagerfield cannot make BL look stylish.

  40. Lina

    So…the satin bedsheet is because they didn’t actually finish making the dress, right? Beyond that, I cannot get over how 1977 she looks.

  41. Amy

    Karl Lagerfeld always looks like a Michael Jackson impersonator to me. Maybe it’s the gloves. Or the creepiness.

  42. Bambi Anne Dear

    The second pic is weird. She looks like she only has one leg. I like the hair colour though.

  43. fritanga

    Hilarious as usual, but that broad IS a wig factory of lies. She looks like a grinning idiot in that toga and her hair looks synthetic.

  44. Kim

    I love how Karl is turning into the Hookah-Smoking Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland in this dialogue.

  45. Kathryn in MA

    Karl is turning into Moammar Quadaffi!

  46. Dana

    I am really convinced that Boobs is way older than 24.

  47. Talia

    your not funny

  48. Lisa

    EW gave this dress an a+, so I immediately knew it was going to be fugged, but that’s because EW is seriously wacked out when it comes to fashion.

  49. Pat


  50. mepe

    I think this dress would’ve been much better suited to JLo or Rihanna…not working on Blake for some reason.

  51. Vanesha Patel

    Hilaaarious post….definitely top 10.

  52. ak

    I cannot believe this is CHANEL. It looks like something I would have constructed on my Barbie at age 6 using a stapler and remainders from Joanne Fabrics.

    But I also cannot tell you how much joy your Lagerfeld dialogues bring to my lunch break.