Fugphy Wife: Malin Akerman in Jonathan Simkhai


This is a perfect storm of somebody doing as little as possible to sell an outfit:

Granted, it’s never fair to compare anyone to a model, but at least she is standing ramrod straight and giving the top its best shot at looking architecturally cool. I DO think it’s possible the tube-top thing underneath is a cup size too small, which is why her chest appears to be frowning, but I mean… she’s slouching, her hair looks really blah, and none of her accessories are giving this any zing at all. So while the dress itself is just unflattering and wrong on her, she had a few chances to at least TRY and deflect that, and she didn’t take them. We are EASILY SWAYED by shiny bright things, Malin. USE THAT.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (27):

  1.  UnicornWrangler
    +21

    I am frowning just as hard as her boobs are right now.

  2.  Ashley
    +6

    First I was like, OH MY GOD POSTURE. Then I was like, I bet the slouch is the only thing keeping her boobs secured inside the inner tube layer. Then I was like, stand up straight and let’s find out how insane it looks when they pop out.

    • Liviania
      +1

      Yeah, I think she’s slouching because this thing is too small on her to even attempt to stand upright.

  3. Mrs. Helpful
    +3

    I am sad that Trophy Wife is probably going to be canceled for next year — and maybe that is why she is slouching.

    I am a sucker for a sitcom — and Michaela Watkins and Marcia Gay Harden are such delights on that show. The rest of the cast is kind of great too. Especially the youngest kid. Spare them, TV gods, let the funny people live to work another day!

    •  Barbara
      +4

      I LOVED the take-off on Scandal that Trophy Wife did this week. Marcia Gay Harden in her white robe, on her white couch, with her giant glass of red wine, watching Scandal on DVD: the best!

      As Mrs. Helpful said, please let the TV gods renew this show!

  4. bettybaby
    +4

    I think the whole bloody thing appears about 2 sizes to small for her – no small feat given the fantastic shape I presume she’s in. On the model, the top is large and structured, which makes her waist seem super tiny (no doubt it is, I’m certain of that – but there’s probably the helping hand of digital assistance in the mix as well) – whereas the fit here on MA is so scary I’m afraid if she does stand up straight she’s going to Incredible Hulk right out of it.

  5. Anna
    +5

    Everything she has on is at least a size too small…. OK, maybe not the purse, nor the bracelet, but everything else …

    • grad.nauseam
      +5

      Agreed. She needed to go up at least one size here. The top is actually loose fitting on the model, and it’s snug on her, plus the skirt is obviously pulling around her hips and waist. I’m not ready to give up on this dress – I kind of like it – but a size up and some more colorful accessories are in order.

      • Dina
        +7

        Up a size, and it’s not the best cut for her body. She has a very straight waist (as do I), and this is just not the cut for it.

        • grad.nauseam
          +3

          Good call. She’s obviously in amazing shape, but the cutouts are not doing her any favors.

  6. Kate
    +2

    That’s some dress. I don’t like it on the model, either – it’s like the clothing interpretation of a jointed wooden bobble doll. And then on Malin it’s terrible swimwear designed by someone who doesn’t understand water. It doesn’t even look like the same outfit — but it’s bad in both iterations.

  7. Art Eclectic
    +7

    She is so pretty, why does she do this to herself?

  8. TaraMisu
    +4

    Ugh zzzzzzzzzzz….. lotta beige there. And those shoes are really ugly.

  9. Jenandtonic
    +1

    This outfit is as bland as her screen presence.

  10. Courtney
    +1

    I would like to see this in a different size and color. And I would like to see her get a latte or something.

  11.  Shannon
    +1

    There is no excuse for that hair. None.

  12. Gigi
    +2

    Every time I see her, I think she is the girl in Sixteen Candles who got her hair cut off and woke up with Farmer Ted.

    • fiatluxury
      +1

      whatever happened to her?

      • Squirrel!
        +1

        Well, I had to head to Google for that! In short: “Haviland Morris (born September 14, 1959) is an American film, television, and Broadway actress, who currently works in real estate.”

      •  Stacey
        0

        I happen to look her up one night and she actually played the mom in one of the lesser known home alone movies. The third, I think.

  13. fiatluxury
    +3

    Malin, you stand accused of chronic-overuse-of-sartorial-cutouts. How do you plead?

  14. mattiesmom
    +2

    She could have worn ANY color shoes with that dress ! *sigh* What a waste.

  15.  HelenBackAgain
    0

    BREASTS WHAT.

  16. Lily1214
    0

    The top is squashing her breasts – it doesn’t fit right. But I like the shoes.

  17.  Guerra
    0

    I like tHe dress but not on her, it doesn’t fit right & is not the best shape for her body type.

  18. Sajorina
    0

    Shoes are FAB! Dress is NOT!

  19. tidge
    +2

    Well, I ‘m sitting up straight now. So, at least we got one good thing out of this.