Fuga Michele

Listen, I just really want people to stop making me think I can see through their clothes.

EVERYONE is doing it. And some of them are doing it fine. This is maybe more of a hula funeral. But I can’t even tell anymore because, overall, I’m so WEARY of it. Let me miss it, you guys. Give me a chance to see if I wake up one day and yearn for a cascade of black lace over a nude underpinning. Spot me a breath, and then wait for me to take it in sharply in anticipation of the way the light tickles your torso Spanx. Allow my eyes to hunger for the sheen of psuedo-boob under your mourning shroud. And then we’ll talk.

And if that day never comes? Then we can talk about something else, and THAT will be equally refreshing.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (26):

  1. TonyG

    With that spray-on (I presume) tan, she’s not trying to hard to fake it here. She would need an orange colored undergarment. ;)

    • Kit

      She and Corey just came back from 10 days in Cabo (or some equally beachy place) so I assume that that is not, in fact, a spray on tan.

      (I”m really sad that I know that.)

    • Lexi

      She is half Italian and half Sephardic Jew (with southern European and North African DNA). She has always been naturally olive-toned, even when relatively pale in the winter months. I HAVE NEWS FOR THE INTERNET: every white or mixed race white person who has a tan is NOT NECESSARILY USING FAKE TAN. Millions and millions of people of European ancestry (i.e. the majority of the population of the USA, Australia, New Zealand, White South Africa, and Europe itself) can tan. A small minority of White people can’t tan. Most can. A significant proportion can tan quite dark naturally – French, Italians, and not forgetting many millions of flaxen-haired, blue-eyed, golden tanned Scandinavians, etc. Brains turned on please – then at least the snark can be based in truth and therefore be funny!

  2. Caroleena Stantonova

    Her shoes are canoe-ish…quite wide.

  3. Bottle Ginger

    And I thought I was the only one in the world who categorically hates nude-illusion-lace clothing. A fond virtual air kiss to Heather!

  4. theotherjennifer

    if Lea Michelle needs torso spanx, what hope is there for any of the rest of us??! Very witchy – from tip to toe.

  5. Roberta

    This just looks so itchy and pokey and uncomfortable I can hardly stand it. I HOPE she has on full length Spanx on underneath, otherwise all that lace and whalebone is abrading her in really unpleasant ways.

  6. Laucie

    I think she actually looks quite good. No thigh-high slits, or exposed ribcage. No sign of desperate attention-seeking = win for her.

  7. amys

    Hideous. The only nice thing I can find to say is she has a lovely smile. Stumpy, tacky fug.

  8. gail

    I hate to be mean, but this girl seems to lack any kind of inner style voice. Her style is totally all over the map, the outfits don’t show any kind of inner compass at all. I think she needs to go on a retreat to some expensive spa in the southwest by herself and try to remember who she is. I mean even Lindsay Lohan has some consistency.

    • Billie

      This was my first thought! She seems to be such a fame hungry follower. Will she only wear what everyone else seems to be wearing? It drives me nuts. I’m surprised we haven’t seen her in that awful Stella dress yet. I wouldn’t mind this as much on, say, Diane Kruger, because she seems to wear what She thinks is cool. But this girl just rubs me the wrong way because she just always seems so desparate for attention.

  9. Claire L1

    I don’t mind the illusion stuff much…but the construction of this dress is a nightmare.

  10. Fuh Ugh

    I almost prefer some of her crotch-tastic looks (never thought I would say that) to this Little-House-on-the-Prairie-Spanish-Lace-Mantilla. I’m with Claire “the construction of this dress is a nightmare”

  11. Ms.A

    She’s always a little..off.

  12. vandalfan

    It’s as fussy as a teething baby. The lace and bodice pattern were torn from a 1970′s Gunne Sax and dyed black. The top is too tight, the foot-canoes too loose. But her smile is transcendent.

  13. Lina

    I don’t suppose she would just stop and go back to doing theatre full time, would she? I am so freaking tired of her.

  14. Rubee

    Agree with all the above, but I find her ladylike and elegant here… Not the usual look-at-me, diva-in-the making- vibe.

  15. neiges

    I so much agree with the lace tiredness and lack of personal style these starts have. Ugh.

  16. Edan

    Serious question here!!
    Okay, so lace with beige lining. Here, Heather is mad about it, but IMMEDIATELY below, Emily Blunt is Well Played for the exact same effect!??! HELP!!
    I definitely like Emily’s dress better (construction is way better). But are we yay or nay on lace with nude lining. I have planned to wear just such a dress to a special occasion. It’s black with beige lining, but more like Emily’s dress when it comes to construction.

  17. Edan

    Sorry, my actual question is:
    Why is this okay sometimes? Just construction? Styling? The girl wearing the dress?

    • toxxic

      Jessica wrote the other post, i guess the fug girls taste differs on a few points.

      • Heather

        I also thought Emily looked pretty good — I think it comes down to construction. To me Lea’s was shinier, more obvious, more a focal point. Emily’s isn’t as jarring. The dress comes together as a whole. This one, I feel like not only can I see all the pieces, but they don’t add up to a pleasant whole.

  18. Trace

    Why is it so hard for celebs to find shoes that FIT. Were there no size 8 black heels available for her use???? I’m not famous and my shoes ALWAYS fit.

  19. Bambi Anne Dear

    Oh dear, oh no. Black lace over nude whatever just looks like lingerie to me.

  20. Betty

    She’s too petite for this dress, it succeeds in cutting her torso in several different places to shorten her overall line.