Fug or Fab: Linda Evangelista


LINDA: You must adore me, Karl.

KARL: Yes, I must. You handcuff the souls of the innocent to your bedpost and then swallow the key.

LINDA: I meant more that clearly you adore me, because I am here. And I am expensive.

KARL: Price tags are for sale items, pet. UPCHARGE.

LINDA: You’re sure?

KARL: If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. This is why I do not use question marks.

LINDA: Well, that’s good, as long a the check clears.

KARL: Your lower half is curious like a monkey in space. It speaks of a clown, stuck in a humorless laugh mob, sad and trapped in its inhuman mask of painted jollity.

LINDA: What does that mean?

KARL: Your skirt looks like it is wearing pants.

LINDA: I don’t think a skirt can wear pants, Karl.

KARL: Tish and pish, Linda. Facts are for the stubborn. INVENT.

LINDA: Okay, well, I will INVENT that perhaps my pants are wearing a skirt. Or they’re tights. The issue is as murky as my clothes are dove-white.

KARL: Do not speak of doves. They have the feet of liars.

LINDA: … Wait, I’m lost.

KARL: Become found.

LINDA: What was the question?

KARL: You don’t listen. Wealth is the answer. I am too rich to question.

LINDA: So… you don’t like the white tights.

KARL: To think about them is to make them real. And so I drift. ROW.

LINDA: I’m upping my price.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (54):

  1. Lina

    I see ivory black-tipped thigh-high boots paired with an ivory tulip skirt with major drape problems. The shirt and jacket are fine, but this is totally a scrolldown fug.

    • ak

      I see the same. Note the slight boot bunching at the ankles and what appears to be a seam running from the tongue of her shoes up to her knee. I also agree that this is far too much work as an outfit, especially since it makes her look like one of the Mary Poppins Animated Penguin Waiters, but I’m for it if it gives us GFYKarl again.

  2. Heather

    Interesting — that could totally be. Oh Linda. Don’t make my eyes — or brain — work so hard.

  3. Lindy

    Lose those ridiculous thigh-high boots that make her look as if she’s wearing leggings and she’d be fine.

    As always, LOVE your Lagerfeld voice!

  4. Kit

    Those are either leather leggings *shudder* (that hurt my fingers to even type it) OR (and I think this more likely) they are part and parcel of her shoes – i.e. they are actually boots that are thigh high.

    I don’t know which idea is worse, frankly.

    OT: Love this: “Tish and pish, Linda. Facts are for the stubborn”

  5. Amanda

    I don’t see how this is even a question. Her face is gorgeous! But, everything else is full on FUG.

  6. Carolina Girl

    I do love me some Kaiser Karl. You guys should bring back the “Ask Aunt Fugly” feature and let Karl, Kanye, Britney, and JLo give advice.
    Also, Linda looks stupid, and given that she just squeezed an undisclosed sum out of Salma Hayak’s husband, there is no excuse for this.

  7. wendy

    Yeah Karl. I have missed you.

    They have the feet of liars.

    Best Ever!

  8. meggiemoo

    She is still so amazingly beautiful. The boots are cray-cray.

    • Glee

      Agreed – of all the George Michale girls, she’s help up the best. Amazing skin and bone structure.

  9. PegMN

    I’m more annoyed by her hair than anything else.

    • Lilibet

      The hair gets me too.

      Love the Karl dialogue. Did you see the film about him? More than a little creepy.

  10. Lisa S

    Well. I thought they were white Hammer pants in the first pic. AND LIKED THEM. That’s the power of the supermodel I guess.

  11. Mrs. Ditter

    Please: Karl and JLo. PLEASE?

  12. Gigi

    What do you have to drink or eat to get the hilarious and genius Kaiser Karl voice? SPILL.

    Linda’s baby daddy trial must have eaten away at her more sartorially astute brain cells. This is just not…not. However, I do want to know what night cream she uses. She looks amazing (I’m not looking at the hair).

    • Imani

      Her entire outfit is Chanel. I’m assuming it’s the price she paid to hang with The Kaiser.

  13. Lucille Austero

    How is this even a vote?

    • GFY Heather

      I’m being polite on account of how a lot of people give her a supermodel pass.

  14. Alison

    She was one of the original Supers, and is still one of the most beautiful women in the world. So she must have access to great clothes, right? But time and time again, she makes bizzare and strange choices. This skirt/trousers/spats style shoe combo is horrible. Why Linda, why?!

  15. Kara

    I am putting “Facts are for the stubborn. INVENT” on a t-shirt immediately.

  16. Tonya

    LOL. Linda is wearing latest pre-fall collection from Chanel. So, of course, this being a Chanel event, she’s being dressed by Karl Lagerfeld. I’m not particularly fond of the look but I think Linda herself looks really beautiful!

  17. TaraMisu

    Love (GFY) Karl.
    Detest the leggings/boots/whatever Linda is wearing. Her feet look ENORMOUS!
    If the skirt draping was fixed I’d give the outfit a thumbs up.

  18. ortenzia

    Ok, I like this. I can’t help it. It’s weird and I wouldn’t buy those boots ever but if you’re going to be high fashion and model-y and have he who is always in highly fashionable layers, this is perfect. It’s like an ode to him that also matches him. Only people in fashion ever make these kinds of points but I love them for it.

  19. Eli

    Did you know that Karl Lagerfeld stole a kitten from a former boy toy and said kitten has her own Twitter account? I am sort of obsessed with this story and the cuteness of the kitten after reading about it on Jezebel yesterday, lol.

    • Mongerel

      Not sure he stole it, just sort of took it over after said boytoy went on a trip for a couple of weeks and asked Karl to look after it. Cute story either way, and the kitten is absolutely adorable. Anyway, back on topic. I think both Karl and Linda look great here. I which those had been some kind of crazy upjumped jodhpurs tho. :(

      • Gina

        In this photo, it looks like Karl had his head photoshopped onto his body for the evening. Is he auditioning for Weekend at Bernie’s 3?

  20. pantsonfire

    I love this post. I can’t even pick a favorite line. I now have the mental image of a monkey in space stuck in my brain. He’s wearing a Chanel space suit, which coincidentally might be part of the same collection as those white boots.

  21. Softwear

    Linda is Canadian, and would therefore say, “as long as the cheque clears.”

  22. Carol

    Karl Lagerfeld increasingly looks like a villian from a James Bond movie.

    • vandalfan

      Wow! That is exactly what I was going to say- a Bond villain! Her? She’s Vanilla Ice, cap-a-pe’.

  23. Molly

    …on the good side, Karl is looking much less orange, no?

  24. Helen

    Karl looks terrific IMO, and the (GFY) Karl stuff is marvelous.

    Linda, well… yeah, it’s those boots. I wonder where they do stop? Mid-thigh? Above? Anyway, the outfit would be quite attractive with a bare leg, I think, and something resembling a shoe.

  25. Gesci

    I feel like Linda and Karl are the gay uncle couple attending Steven Tyler and Joe Perry’s lesbian couple’s child’s wedding. Seriously, can we get a mock-up?

  26. jerkygirl

    Kaiser Karl is my favorite GFY character of them all. I will never look at doves the same way again. Linda’s outfit deserves every bit of scorn being thrown at it. :)

  27. Stubenville

    Miss from the waist down. Patsy Stone must have told her it was “fabulous”.

  28. Jen S 2.0

    I scrolled down and thought she stole those boots from a high-fashion Ronald McDonald. Fuggerific. SHE is stunning; the ensemble is decidedly not.

  29. mary lou bethune

    I have never thought that she was anything but weird looking.
    Does anyone agree? But I thought.. whatever- at least until I read she wants $26,000 a month for her baby. 24 hour nannys! What is wrong with people? They dress like ijits, they steal cats, they don’t take care of their children, they are decadent and do not seem well read—

    That was bitter but I hate “babies as accessories”.

  30. Bonnie Klein

    I love GFY Karl — “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. This is why I do not use question marks” is GENIUS!

  31. namidu

    Nothing about this is anything but fug, but I don’t care because it DELIGHTS me when Heather channels Karl. Or should I say “chanels?” HA! See what I did there?

  32. alison

    Why does Linda Evangelista have Arsenio Hall’s hair from the early ’90s?

  33. Shiitake

    The more I look at the bottom half of Linda, the less I understand the Kaiser’s intent.

  34. openroses

    I want to see Kaiser Karl holding the tiny kitten like Cee-Lo Green. MANIFEST.

  35. Sara

    I hate to say this because I love you ladies soooooo much, but everything you like is SO mainstream these days, and you cut on cutting-edge fashion too much. I’m just losing interest. Surprise me!

  36. Nancy

    Why is her left foot freakishly long??? In both pictures even. I’m scared.

  37. roser

    Bring on the Karl!

  38. Froney

    I’d just like to say that my mom calls Karl Lagerfeld “Mittens.” That is all.

  39. martha

    you never fail to make me laugh!!!

  40. Lily1214

    Well . . . maybe Linda’s outfit is so cutting edge that it’s . . . ?

  41. Elena

    The goddess of all goddesses can do no wrong. The end.