Fugger: Sarah Jessica Parker

WTF: OMG, SJP in Valentino

I love you, Sarah Jessica Parker. I truly do. You are a professional, and a lady, and one of the classiest celebs to whom we have ever spoken in person, and also you are wearing a shower curtain pinafore to an event at Parsons:

2016 Parsons Benefit

This is ridiculous and funny and it makes me smile and also if you spill your cocktail on it, it’s really easy to clean up. Win-win. Please, don’t ever change. I know that that reads sarcastically, but I honestly mean it. Who else would do this and also have the presence of mind to wear a t-shirt with it? Only someone who’s been playing this game for a very long time.

[Photo: Getty]


Met Gala What the Fug: Sarah Jessica Parker in Monse

Sarah Jessica has really raised the Met Gala bar for herself in recent years, from dramatic headdresses to a Mohawk fascinator to the Oscar de la Renta gown that ultimately, poignantly, served as his swan song. And while this was certainly whimsical, it didn’t pack that same punch. Sarah Jessica told People that she was trying for an interpretation of “Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology” that didn’t involve LEDs or robots — an analytical approach that I appreciate. But I’m not ENTIRELY sure how settling a costume from Hamilton was the answer. Or, to put in in Lin-Manuel terms, she’s usually Angelica or Eliza; yesterday, it was And Peggy. I assume she went inside the Met Gala and grabbed the mic and sang, “Raise a glass to sartorial freedom. Something they will never take away. No matter how they fug you.” Ain’t it the truth, but that doesn’t mean we won’t still tell the story of tonight.

[Photos: Getty]


Fug or Feh or FINE I GUESS: Sarah Jessica Parker in Reem Acra

Here’s the thing: I love Sarah Jessica Parker, and I love Helen Mirren. But they are not the same age.

Sarah Jessica Parker

So why is SJP dipping into Helen’s closet?

[Photo: Getty]


Mostly Well Played: Sarah Jessica Parker in Zuhair Murad

This is appropriately starry and elegant for opening night at the ballet:

sarah jessica parker new york city ballet

I’m assuming the shoes are the SJP Collection, given that she’s expertly poking her foot through there. But I like how festive this is, without being overly childish on her. What gets me is the hair and makeup, I think. I watched some final-season Sex and the City reruns on the plane home from New York, and I really miss that SJP, with the voluminous hair and minus the Michelin tire’s worth of liner around each eye. Because that, plus the very severe updo that’s pulling her cheek skin back to her ears, gives her a squinty severity that is at odds with her general genial demeanor. Even Kate Middleton has relaxed on the kohl pencil. YOU CAN TOO.

[Photo: Getty]


New York Fashion Week: Days 1-4

In case you wondered what we’re up to/what people are wearing to Fashion Week.

As for us:

1) We talked to a variety of women about their advice for younger women and other women in general, as professionals, and got some really good quotes, I think, from everyone from Christina Hendricks to Alica Silverstone.

2) Day Two was full of intriguing shenanigans, like The Return of the Choker, and the fact that now Solange isn’t talking to the press, either.

3) We wrote up the Project Runway finale; no spoilers herein, other than what each designer may have showed, because everyone who is still on TV as of Fashion Week gets to show a collection.

4) And Heather waited for an hour outside mashed potatoes — not a euphemism – to talk to (a very drunk, actually, as far as it seemed to us) Jessica Simpson.

5) And I got to chat up former Bachelorettes Jillian Harris and Andi Dorfman about break-ups, and Bachelor in Paradise and WINE. SO MUCH WINE.


Fugs and Fabs: “Hamilton” Broadway Opening

Dilemma: I want shows to stay open on Broadway for a long time, so that theatre there thrives, but I ALSO want them to migrate west faster. Those desires appear to be at odds. Sigh. Fun Home, I’m coming for you. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I AM.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Sarah Jessica Parker on Cosmopolitan, August 2015

Cosmo is REALLy into this one particular font right now: The same one from “Oh My Goddess” and other parts of this cover was the one they used last month to shriek about sex next to Nicki Minaj, and yes, also the one from May’s 50th Anniversary Sex Issue starring Madonna. It’s like they have a new toy they can’t put down.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Cosmopolitan, August 2015

Sidebar: I’ve given up on understanding how “HOT SUMMER SEX” differs from last month’s WILD SUMMER SEX” — much less from “SEX SO HOT” (June, and that same font again) or “SEX SEX SEX” (May). Do they get paid by the sextion — I mean, the mention?

Otherwise, I think SJP’s hair at least looks great. She is famously naturally curly, and while this may be the blown-out-and-recurled iteration of that, I still at least appreciate that she’s willing to be seen with waves in her hair (LE SIGH, Kidman and Keri Russell and Julianna Margulies). I wish the pose and the facial expression had a little more personality to it — a touch of Nice Girl to temper the fierce, showing she can be both — and a lot less tension in her mouth. But my real beef is the dress. It’s kind of Real Housewives, no? And am I crazy, or does this make her look like she has Anna Nicole-style falsies in there? Maybe she does; maybe it’s not an optical illusion. I don’t even mean it as a judgment. I just genuinely don’t think I have ever noticed her cleavage size before, and so I’m unaccustomed to having them greet me so enthusiastically. But I do know this: Nothing has ever made me so grateful to have dated in the Stone Age than the phrase “Decode His Snapchats.” That sounds mentally exhausting and like a recipe for a Lifetime movie that doesn’t end in the woman’s favor.