I’m very concerned about what Katie Holmes’ participation in Jack and Jill says about Team Cruise’s opinion of her talents. This seems like an awfully desperate move. Remember when Wino Forever was in that heinous Mr. Deeds right after she got arrested, as if she was hoping The Sandler would make us all forget about that whole shoplifting malarkey? What is the shoplifting equivalent here? Scientology? Marriage? Everything on her resume since Dawson’s Creek and Pieces of April, including and perhaps especially that time she was on So You Think You Can Dance as someone who thought she could dance? I’m not sure, but let’s just say I bet Tom is glad he was busy — or “busy” — and could not make it, thus avoiding having to admit this movie exists. Oh, Katie. Methinks fuchsia boob hammock is not the sartorial Calgon that will make this all go away, but let’s take a closer look.