All righty, I’m doing this old-school style — no slideshow — for a variety of boring technical reasons (and as a semi-shout-out to Television Without Pity, which went dark yesterday), so get your scrolling finger warmed up and ready.
This episode of Scandal begins with Abby at the White House, doing Olivia Pope’s usual strut, and in an Imitation Olivia white coat. Cyrus treats her like a fly to be swatted, insisting she couldn’t possibly do Olivia’s job of speaking at an unrealistically rapid pace and bossing Fitz around a bit and then later having to concede every point and then also her pants. But Liv isn’t coming to work today because she’s punishing Fitz for being mopey about Andrew and Mellie, and thus ensuring she’s high on the list of people on this show who are unable to be professional. So it falls to Abby:
And rather than back her up, Cyrus just stands there and watches as everyone in the White House Pre-School Playpen totally ignores her. Fitz acts like a jerk, Fritz smolders, Mellie lusts in silence, there is resentment everywhere, and basically nobody is governing anything, as usual, because whatever, America is totally on auto-pilot, right?
Wombouflage #27: Academia. Liv is visiting her father at the real desk at his apparently real former fake cover job — I am confused by the fact that he was running B-Rontosaur this whole time and yet also apparently a bunch of people still think he works at the Smithsonian, enough so that he has actual things to do there. He is spilling to Liv the secrets of the realm: There is an algorithm skimming money from every department and from taxpayers, and funding an account for B-Jornborg. If that were true, wouldn’t Ron Livingston be Command and The Other Michael Bolton would be beating up office supplies with a baseball bat? Rowan tells Olivia that there is a spot on her Jump To Conclusions Mat that says, “Find algorithm and disable it, and B-Olton will die,” and she gamely agrees. So long as he promises not to harm Fitz. Rowan points out that Fitz may not see his second term REGARDLESS because he is an election-losing chump, but Olivia presses and so Rowan says he will not harm a hair on Fitz’s head. Olivia does not seem to remember that everyone in Washington, herself included, specializes in very carefully crafted language and conditional truths, so in fact, Rowan could easily pay someone else to harm even only one hair on Fitz’s head.