Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 3


Imagine that: Slightly peppier music, storylines crossing — or attempting to — and what appears to be Hayden Panettiere’s actual hair. Nashville, are you feeling okay? Because you’re not acting like yourself.

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We open with Rayna and Luke doing a publicity shoot for a story about their engagement. It’s VERY Chicken-Fried School Fundraiser Photo Booth.

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This one is better. Any lensman worth his salt should know you don’t let Rayna James hide her light — as in, her hair — under a ten-gallon bushel. But the most tremendous and symbolic part of the entire show, editing-wise and everything else, is that over the last shot of Rayna and Will, you hear the dulcet sounds of Juliette Barnes hurling her guts out into a toilet. It’s audio poetry.

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Jules is experiencing the kind of all-day morning sickness that makes you wonder what deceitful nimrod coined that phrase. And they clearly let HP use her own hair this week because a) it actually appears to be coming out of her own head, on the sides and not just the part; b) she wears it back the whole episode, and it’s slightly curly, which I think is her natural state; and c) it looks way better. Juliette calls Avery mid-vom to tell him she’s pregnant, and it’s a really well-done bit by Hayden — she does the “Hi, it’s me,” thing, and then decides out loud that maybe she’s not his “me” anymore and that she should reintroduce herself, and the look on her face when she waits a few beats after saying “Juliette” and then specifies that it’s Juliette Barnes is classic. Nobody is talking about her on this show, and everyone should be.

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 3


This show is the Jacuzzi of television. I don’t care where it is or what it looks like; as soon as I get in, it’s just full-on soothing. I think the reason the Kalinda/Crazy Mr. Kalinda storyline of yore still grates like a block of cheddar is because there are rarely other such missteps. Or if there are, the show covers it with really, really slick writing, unlike Pretty Little Lawyers, which covers it with Cheez Whiz.

And now onto the recap/ranking.

13. Finn

The Good Wife, season 6, episode 3 recap

So: The confidential informant inside Lemond Bishop’s organization is missing, and Finn figures out that he disappeared a) the day Cary was released from prison, b) shortly after Cary hung out with Kalinda, and c) right after Kalinda was seen talking to him. Finn is full of puzzle pieces and he’s not all bad at putting them together. EXCEPT. He loses, so TAKE THAT, and also, someone authorized him to change his hair. It might not be all bad, but it’s a little Hail Caesar for me right now. I just need some time, Finn. It’s not you, it’s me. But it might also be you.

who’s next?

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 2


Here is how I feel about this episode.

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So much squandered potential. And when you’re a show that was a MAJOR longshot to even GET a third season, you should find all the stops and not so much pull them out as EXPLODE THEM. For about the first six episodes. Just go Full Nutballs so that people actually start having conversations about your show that are not, “Is Nashville still on?” And dazzle them with good music. Lively music. Thus, nothing by Rayna.

Speaking of “nothing” and “Rayna”:

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Fug the Show: Reign recap, season 2, episode 1, “The Plague”


Why didn’t you guys tell me this show is laugh-out-loud funny?! Even when it’s about the plague! Oh, yeah, the plague is in town. See? Look at all these dead people!

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When that priest turns around, by the way, his face is all Bubonic McPlaguey, which I have spared you, because it was kind of a gross way to kick off our coverage of this fine, seriously historically-inaccurate show.

On that note: We did not cover this last season because I feared the costumes and the INCREDIBLY INACCURATE HAIR and the NAMES — NO ONE IN THE SOCIAL POSITION TO BE A LADY-IN-WAITING (OR ANYTHING!) IN THE FRENCH COURT IN THIS TIME PERIOD WAS NAMED LOLA COME ON — might drive me to capsy insanity, and you know what? It probably still will, but honestly, that’s part of the fun. I love highly-fictionalized historical shenanigans. And to that point, I am totally going to miss stuff that I should have known from last season, so I asked that you bear with me as I get up to speed, and feel free to explain and gently correct in the comments (I read the Wikipedia, but….it’s confusing. There’s a mystical blood-sucking creature in the woods called The Darkness? I don’t know that I totally think that’s based in fact). THAT SAID: I have read a lot of Phillipa Gregory, so I am, at least, confident that I have the plague part of this season LOCKED DOWN. There is NO historical fiction in this time period that doesn’t fall sway to the dramatic appeal of the plague.  And why not? It’s a great way to conveniently 86 a character you can’t figure out how to get out of the way. I also wrote a 12 page paper on the plague in 10th grade, so obviously I am basically an expert in contagious diseases.

ANYWAY, the plague is town and apparently King Francis has scampered (ALONE I AM SO SURE YOU GUYS HE’S THE FREAKING KING) out of the safety of the castle walls (not THAT safe, honestly, what with everyone breathing their plague breath all over everyone) to check on the ABSURDLY NAMED LOLA who is apparently having his baby off in a cottage in the woods somewhere (but not before taking a moment in the midst of the child-birth to pen a letter and find someone to deliver it to Mary to let her know that she is having said baby and it’s probably going to kill her). (It doesn’t.) Meanwhile, everyone else at the castle is being told that the plague is in town and they’re probably all going to die. As I am, because this outfit on Kenna (ALSO HISTORICALLY INACCURATE OF NAME) is SOME HISTORICAL BULLSHIT:

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Fug the Show: “How To Get Away With Murder” recap, season 1, episode 2, “It’s All Her Fault”


Well, this show took a nosedive in quality. I thought this hour was a hot mess. While I can’t pretend to know all the ins and outs of the legal world, or the courtroom, I have watched a lot of The Good Wife, so I plan to object HEARTILY to several aspects of this hour. I encourage you to do the same in the comments.

Previously on How I Met Your Murder, the Pretty Little Lawyers burned Tom Verica’s corpse to try and destroy any traces of (their?) DNA, while Viola Davis farmed out an absurd amount of legal brainstorming to a bunch of students. She’s very good on this show but her presence also feels like someone brought a strongman to a toothpick-lifting contest. She is throwing all her skills at this and almost everyone else is like, “Eh, Thumb and Pointer will suffice.”

Let’s begin with my first OBJECTION: this wig.

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Remind yourself that Viola’s hair looked chic in the pilot. Then behold how plonked it looks in this hour. Someone should put out a helpful leaflet for them called How To Get A Wig With Murder.

My notes here read, “WIG!!! Kitchen porn.” So let’s get to the second part.

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 2, “Stand and Clap”


Sometimes Scandal gets all hot for its own cuteness. And this week, in the midst of a montage about Mellie, we got this graphical collage of bad headlines:

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And, real talk, I would watch the hell out of that if Shondaland produced Mental Mellie and slid it into the 8 p.m. slot on Thursdays in place of Grey’s Anatomy, which I quit when I turned on the premiere and groaned OUT LOUD to my empty office at the mere sight of the interns. The issue being, of course, that I don’t think Mental Mellie the way we’d want to see it is an 8 p.m. show, but then again, Scandal isn’t a 9 p.m. show, really, and there it is anyway. Let’s just make it the 8 p.m. hour you ground your kids for watching.

We begin this hour with Olivia and Jake out for a jog:

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Is this supposed to be a metaphor — like, they’re next to each other, yet jogging in two different climates? Jake DOES keep insisting they’re not standing in the sun anymore, so maybe Olivia took that literally when she was getting dressed.

Jake announces, because everything boils down to sex, that he’s booked himself into a hotel room that she’s welcome to visit for booty calls. He actually says “booty call,” and he deploys it in the manner of someone who has just learned a groovy new term and wants to say it all the time. Booty call. Note, he does not invite her to spend time there. Just when she feels The Call of the Booty. Olivia protests this, but Jake is being super immature: If I recall correctly,  he all but whimpers that they’re not boyfriend-girlfriend, and now they’re back in D.C. in the real world, and he’s not going to sit around her apartment waiting for her to come home. Because God forbid he should be supportive and/or go get a goddamn job (seriously, if you are making me quote R. Kelly at you, then you have problems). Maybe HE should work at Olivia Pope & Associates, as one of hers is dead and the other is dead inside (read: working for Fitz).

Then Jake stops running and points out that Olivia’s political booty call is waiting. And no, it’s not Fitz.

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