Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power(suit) Ranking, season 6, episode 4


How much do you want to bet that The Good Wife hopes Julianna Margulies will call her old pal Intern George and solicit a cameo from Amal Alamuddin? She and Alicia could powersuit the HELL out of it together.

13. Diane & Cary

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This shot is apt for how these two functioned this week: largely in tandem, neither in stark relief. They’re here to give information only: The State’s Attorney’s office subpoenaed Lemond Bishop’s business records on some trumped-up tax charge — well, it IS the town that got Al Capone for something similar — and are hoping Florrick Agos Lockhart will comply, because it’ll set a precedent Daniel Castro and Finn can use against them in Cary’s criminal trial. They’re basically calling to ask Alicia for advice, even, as if she’s the big boss. Might as well write the word “Power” on a piece of paper, wrap it up in an old Marshall Fields box, and give it to her with a note that says, “Be my guest.”

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“Mr. Bishop, I don’t have much to do this week, so excuse me if I forego the jewelry. It’s not worth it.”

This is from Diane’s and Cary’s other moment. They flank Alicia, putting her thusly front and center, during an awkward conversation in which she tells Lemond Bishop they need to stop representing him. I don’t think Alicia told them that it’s because she’s arranging deck chairs on the Titanic of her candidacy (in the sense that even if she wins, I Have Great Concerns); she’s pinning it on conflict of interest, which I’m sure Diane and Cary welcomed, because it means Daniel Castro can’t manipulate them as much. But in this chess game, right this second, they’re the pawns and Saint Alicia is the queen. And Bishop is the bishop, just for synergy purposes and because he’s really good at making diagonal moves that still keep him going forward.

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Diane is all about the patterns this week. Maybe because she didn’t seem certain either way what to do — obey the subpoena, or fight it — and so the swirls reflect her roiling mental state. Or, she just thinks they’re pretty. Sometimes a pattern is just a pattern.

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 3


I wonder if the network gave notes after last week that there wasn’t enough actual real authentic legal procedures, because after The Great Missing Objections Scandal of 2014, the word “OBJECTION” was blurted out all over the place this week. If true, this makes you wonder why they didn’t just ADR the word “OBJECTION” right before Viola’s ridiculous line in that episode. Forget Olivia Pope. I am your fixer.

Let’s get the Pretty Little Lawyers out of the way.

How to Get Away With Murder, season 1, episode 3 recap

In this week’s present-day scenes, we find out that the whole gang gathered in Annalise’s office while Sam lay there in a Lake Eeeerie of his own blood and viscera. Wes went straight to a sobbing Rebecca, and Michaela was blubbering over by the bookshelf. Connor went over to her and started hissing all up in her face, because he’s a totally unappealing jackhole and I do not get this show’s insistence on putting him and his reek behavior at the top of every hour. It’s so off-putting. I don’t expect him to be speaking in respectful rhyming couplets during a stressful MUUURDER situation, but… anyway. He is neither as cute nor charismatic nor entertaining as the show believes him to be; instead he is greasy and stabby-making. Maybe he will be next season’s MUUURDER.

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 3


As much as my relationship with this show is frequently one of frustration, there’s something soothing about the return to Scandal of the Week storylines, because it pushes (Un)B-Lievable stuff down and away from the fore. Of course, having said that, Portia de Rossi is stepping into that space and filling it with her own brand of being one scheme ahead of everyone, and while it’s nice to see a lady puppet master, it’s also a little exhausting to replace one shady behind-the-scenes operator with another.

Scandal, Season 4, episode 3

This week, Portia and the NRA honcho (played by Kyle Secor; I think he’s been on before?) are commiserating about Fitz’s insistence on gun control legislation, which is chapping the hide of her party’s extremist power players. She reassures him it isn’t going to pass, because she keeps all her schemes stashed in the hair that’s as tall as the Chrysler building. It’s like a head-purse full of plans.

incoming: mellie’s non-wine cardigan

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 3


Imagine that: Slightly peppier music, storylines crossing — or attempting to — and what appears to be Hayden Panettiere’s actual hair. Nashville, are you feeling okay? Because you’re not acting like yourself.

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We open with Rayna and Luke doing a publicity shoot for a story about their engagement. It’s VERY Chicken-Fried School Fundraiser Photo Booth.

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This one is better. Any lensman worth his salt should know you don’t let Rayna James hide her light — as in, her hair — under a ten-gallon bushel. But the most tremendous and symbolic part of the entire show, editing-wise and everything else, is that over the last shot of Rayna and Will, you hear the dulcet sounds of Juliette Barnes hurling her guts out into a toilet. It’s audio poetry.

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Jules is experiencing the kind of all-day morning sickness that makes you wonder what deceitful nimrod coined that phrase. And they clearly let HP use her own hair this week because a) it actually appears to be coming out of her own head, on the sides and not just the part; b) she wears it back the whole episode, and it’s slightly curly, which I think is her natural state; and c) it looks way better. Juliette calls Avery mid-vom to tell him she’s pregnant, and it’s a really well-done bit by Hayden — she does the “Hi, it’s me,” thing, and then decides out loud that maybe she’s not his “me” anymore and that she should reintroduce herself, and the look on her face when she waits a few beats after saying “Juliette” and then specifies that it’s Juliette Barnes is classic. Nobody is talking about her on this show, and everyone should be.

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 3


This show is the Jacuzzi of television. I don’t care where it is or what it looks like; as soon as I get in, it’s just full-on soothing. I think the reason the Kalinda/Crazy Mr. Kalinda storyline of yore still grates like a block of cheddar is because there are rarely other such missteps. Or if there are, the show covers it with really, really slick writing, unlike Pretty Little Lawyers, which covers it with Cheez Whiz.

And now onto the recap/ranking.

13. Finn

The Good Wife, season 6, episode 3 recap

So: The confidential informant inside Lemond Bishop’s organization is missing, and Finn figures out that he disappeared a) the day Cary was released from prison, b) shortly after Cary hung out with Kalinda, and c) right after Kalinda was seen talking to him. Finn is full of puzzle pieces and he’s not all bad at putting them together. EXCEPT. He loses, so TAKE THAT, and also, someone authorized him to change his hair. It might not be all bad, but it’s a little Hail Caesar for me right now. I just need some time, Finn. It’s not you, it’s me. But it might also be you.

who’s next?

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 2


Here is how I feel about this episode.

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So much squandered potential. And when you’re a show that was a MAJOR longshot to even GET a third season, you should find all the stops and not so much pull them out as EXPLODE THEM. For about the first six episodes. Just go Full Nutballs so that people actually start having conversations about your show that are not, “Is Nashville still on?” And dazzle them with good music. Lively music. Thus, nothing by Rayna.

Speaking of “nothing” and “Rayna”:

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