Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: Agent Carter recap, episodes 6 and 7


Better late than never? Fashion Week and the Oscars really got in the way of this one. But the finale, I believe, airs tonight — like, I think it starts now, or in an hour? WELL DONE ME — so catch up if you can! Chad Michael Murray was actually really funny in one of these episodes, and Peggy got to kick some serious tail — including HIS — so a good time was had by all. Except the tail.

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Fug the Show: Downton Abbey recap, Season 5, episode 8


Matthew Goode arrives NEXT WEEK. I feel like we need a Matthew Goode Countdown Clock on this thing. Like the clock on 24, except what we’re waiting for is HOTNESS.  Anyway, this week was full of intriguing developments. Several were maddening. One was lovely. One made me cry. One made me want to MURDER. But best of all, Lord Grantham earned himself a gold star this week. Also, we were given the loveliness of the Crawleys’ London HQ, and also hats. SO MANY HATS. To the sun room!

NOTE: As usual, I used the UK version of this  episode available on iTunes to write this recap so I could get it done in a timely fashion given that the Oscars aired simultaneously. So if the version you watched on Sunday night involved a scene in which, say, Mrs Hughes punches Thomas, with sexy results, please let me/us know in the comments.

NOTE PART TWO: THE NOTENING: If you’ve seen the Christmas special for this season, the ONLY ONE LEFT unseen by we behind-the-times Americans, please continue to keep its secrets! Thank you!

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1 episode 13: “Mama’s Here Now”


I’ve decided — even though I don’t actually get them on Hulu — that I want this show to start cutting its teases, musically and all, as if this is a wacky single-camera comedy in the vein of Modern Family. I can HEAR the sounds and the record-scratches — real or imagined — as they interweave some of Cicely Tyson’s lines with Asher’s facial expressions. I mean it: The voice-over guy will talk for a while, we’ll see some reaction shots, and then everything will drop out in time for Cicely to say, as she does here, “I’m a VIP. She came out of my V and her daddy’s P.” Cue canned laughter.

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Cicely, as you might recall, was paged by Annalise at the end of the last hour. Apparently Annalise hasn’t shown her face in the office since then. Cicely and her very warm, cute winter hat arrive with some snappy comments about the fancy house and then heads on up to unearth her daughter from the stench of her depression.

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By the way, these two don’t recognize her, then seem plenty happy to take her word for it that she’s Annalise’s mother and stand back as she goes upstairs. I feel like there’s no way neither ONE of them — certainly not Frank, who clearly has a file on everyone — doesn’t know what Annalise’s mother looks like, and yet they’re extremely trusting all of a sudden that she’s probably who she says she is. Maybe they figured NOBODY would dare go up there into the lion’s den if their DNA wasn’t compelling them.

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Cicely tries to hit Annalise with some tough love to get her out of bed, but when she shrivels even more, Cicely gives in and cuddles her daughter to her. And you, too, would want to cry on your mother’s lap if you knew you MIGHT have just given up your shot at this, because Nate is now in prison:

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 13


This episode was better. It could not have gotten WORSE than the last two, but still. We left off with Olivia being sold for an undisclosed cash amount to Iran. Everyone — including me — thought Iran was going to turn out to be somebody covertly bidding for Olivia and then spiriting her out of there and buying her an untainted-by-kidnapping coat.

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Nope. It was Iran. Which sent a really posh, well-dressed woman and a couple of cohorts to pick up their BILLION-PLUS-DOLLAR cargo. There is something I appreciate about Scandal having Iran’s representative be a foxy woman, but I wish she had turned out to be a smarter foxy woman.

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Because, see, Olivia speaks fluent Farsi. (Of course she does.) So she pulls a scam: She convinces her captors that this woman is saying, into the phone, that this is an ambush and they’re all going to die. Then she says, in Farsi, essentially the same thing to Iran, and that as soon as they take her EVERYONE is going to get extremely murdered. So Iran panics and calls off the deal, and her captors smuggle her out of there — thinking they just skirted an ambush themselves — and toddle back and fire up sheBay.com and send out the word that bidding can resume. No guns are drawn, and presumably, neither side had any actual backup. Hold up there, pals. Do you mean to tell me that IRAN was going to BUY A PERSON WHO CONTROLS THE PRESIDENT for BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, and just send like two people and a pistol to pick her up? Iran must have blown its entire budget on the asset and left nothing for personnel and planning. Oh, Iran. Iran, so far away.

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 13


You know how we’ve all been wondering how Rayna Jaymes is paying the bills? Well, so is she:

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She’s fretting to Bucky about how Sadie Stone’s session musicians cost a bundle, and which is both understandable and also insane because Sadie is HER ONLY EXPENSE RIGHT NOW except for all her Highway 65 stress balls and No. 2 pencils. Bucky reminds us all that Avery is producing the album and is a relative rookie, and Rayna both sticks up for him and sends Bucky over there to babysit. Which, it’s worth mentioning, Bucky does not do, because the show wanted him to storm in at the end and DEMAND SATISFACTION and then be really impressed.

Then Rayna gets a package:

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This is the first she’s hearing of Maddie’s record deal, courtesy of a diamond necklace send to Maddie — except obviously not really — by Oliver Hudson, complete with a note in his childish, script. I am hoping there is professional graphologist somewhere in Fug Nation who can let me know if this is the scribblings of a hopeless narcissist or a person who capitalizes random words beginning with “O” because inside he is a turgid lake of insecurity.

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How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 12: “She’s a Murderer”


I have an announcement: The end of this episode actually sort of got me. I KNOW. I’m sure it’s temporary.

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As a refresher, the ashy powder that was once Tom Verica has been found. This lady, with her extremely intense eyes and Urgent Newscaster Voice, is giving us the straight scoop on how police are now digging through his dusty leftovers looking for clues.

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The Pretty Little Lawyers are watching the local news on their laptops, rather than on an actual television set. Is this because Wes is supposed to be low on cash? Does the local news actually stream its broadcast via the Interwebs? Does Michaela have a coat? She IS having a conniption fit, because her missing engagement ring — she replaced it over Christmas with an elaborate fake — could link her to the crime. If she is no longer engaged (it sure FELT like they broke up, or at least hit pause), couldn’t she claim she hurled it into the woods in a wounded hissy? Think, McFly.

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