Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 17


I must say, I thought this episode was VERY cute. In short: Zoe visits a psychic who tells her that she’s been cursed for breaking up George and Lemon (“Lemorge,” as Zoe puts it, which is NOT a name that makes one likely to ‘ship a pair) and who tells her that the only way she can get uncursed is by getting them back together. This is a Class A Zoe Hart Shenanigan of the Week, and it’s excellent. It also goes about as badly as you can imagine, as Lemorge do NOT have feelings for each other, beyond each really wanting to repeat their recent roll in the hay. In other news, AB’s Mystery Knight has been revealed, and it’s Barry Watson, and of course he is somehow related to the Mayor of Fillmore because when this show doesn’t know what to do for conflict it has someone date someone from Fillmore (albeit generally with amusing results, so I will allow it. Also, I like Barry Watson). And Vivian’s ex-husband hates Wade for a variety of reasons and Vivian decides to make this WADE’S problem rather than dealing with her own ex-husband herself because, as Jill pointed out so wisely in the comments a couple of weeks ago, Vivian leaves all the heavy lifting in their relationship to Wade. Vivian also wears something highly inappropriate, but Lemon looks AWESOME. So we have that going for us.

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Fug the Show: Revenge Recap, season 3, episode 18


Okay, new plan to reboot this show. Everyone dies other than Nolan, Margaux,  maybe Jack, Victoria, Stevie Grayson, Roger Bart and Olivier Martinez. (And Baby Carl can also live but will need to be relocated to a farm off-camera.) They all move over to USA Network where they fight crime. THE END. Things you need to know that happened in this episode before we just throw up our hands and talk outfits:

  1. Apparently Revenge‘s vision of England looks just like Pasadena, but Aidan DOES wear an amazing trench coat there because it’s illegal not to wear a great trench coat in England; other than that, did we really need like seventy-five minutes of Aidan’s mother’s personal pain? Because we got them and they were really boring, despite Barry Sloane’s best attempts. Also, Emily and Aidan are back together because reasons.
  2. Did we also need seventy-five minutes of business yammering from Conrad and Olivier Martinez? Does ANYONE ever think, “it’s Sunday night…I want to think about OBTUSE POINTS OF BUSINESSES I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND.” I guess Conrad has taken over… something… of… Olivier’s….? Who is even doing business with Conrad anymore? He’s had a plane AND a building explode on his watch.
  3. There is a plotline happening with NoOne WhoCares and Nolan WRT NoOne WhoCares’s bitchin’ new app that is SO EMBARRASSING that I am not going to even go over it for you. They made Gabriel Mann utter the phrase, “romancing the blogosphere” and there was a scene where NoOne WhoCares actually threatens to STORM OUT despite the fact that HE IS UNDER HOUSE ARREST. This is not even addressing the fact that the show keeps telling us that NoOne WhoCares is this young buck programming prodigy but the actor quite sincerely looks 35. And has no birthday listed on IMDb, which is basically Hollywood code for I’M LYING ABOUT MY AGE SO HARD RIGHT NOW.  Even if he’s not lying about his age, the dude comes across as Jack’s contemporary which makes him bad casting. The bad news is the the combo of NoOne WhoCares and Charlotte seems to be set up to discover some major plot points and no one will know because everyone is getting up for a sandwich during those scenes.
  4. Jack is jealous of Daniel (!!!!) and Margaux just goes, “I don’t like jealous men,” and kisses him and then calmly walks out, because she is the best. She also OWNS Olivier Martinez in both their professional and personal lives and her accessories are amazing. She is the only person on this show that I actually actively like. Even Nolan has been sidelined, which is SO DUMB on the show’s part.  (I do think Daniel is being set up to actually BE in love with her, which DOES make sense because she’s awesome.)
  5. I would love to explain to you how the Emily/Roger Bart/Victoria/Stevie Grayson plot machinations really worked but despite the massive amounts of exposition, I do not know. All you need to know is that SOMEONE KILLED ROGER BART WITH POISONED SHAVING CREAM and THAT is what pushes Stevie Grayson off the wagon, and then Jack sends her back to Los Angeles because apparently the Hamptons REALLY DO make Stevie drink.
  6. AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT ROGER BART ISN’T REALLY DEAD. Emily sent him shaving cream that made him seem dead — presumably the cousin to the sleeping draught Friar Laurence gives Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, yet considerably less romantic, given that Roger Bart wakes up in a body bag to be rescued by Nolan. Roger Bart’s wise rejoinder to this turn of events is, “what the hell?” He then gets shipped off to the Maldives and promises to keep his mouth shut AGAIN, but not before he tells Nolan something about how some OTHER reporter also faked HIS own death. Oh, Revenge. Stop shipping off the most compelling characters!

Let’s just look at outfits. I mean, no one is following the plot anymore, right?

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Fug the Show: Lindsay on OWN recap, season 1, episode 5


If you aren’t reading these recaps, I at least recommend the comments section; we have a lot of very thoughtful Fug Nationals, and sometimes they’re sharing pretty personal things in there which are applicable to the subject matter of this show, and it’s been fascinating and inspiring. Thanks, guys, especially because comments on a show like this about a person like Lindsay Lohan could get SO out of hand; y’all are demonstrating why Fug Nation has such a damn fine reputation.

Also: We’re doing the scroll format for this one because I had way too many grabs to put in a slideshow. And it’s a doozy this week, from Scenes From A Celebrity Move to somebody leaving the show. Let’s begin.

It would appear that AJ has Lindsay doing craft projects. Those look like spray paint cans, which sure SEEM like things she should’ve been using out on her balcony with fresh air to ventilate the fumes. I have concerns about AJ’s level of common sense with this one, especially because I’m not sure scrawling “LIVE” on a roll of pink paper is going to be the spark that ignites the flame of sober desire in Lindsay’s mental Bunsen. I can’t wait until someday LiLo blames the entirety of this episode on the effects of breathing in the paint. I’m surprised that didn’t happen, actually.

Dina, meanwhile, is shoved off into a corner talking on her phone and basically doing nothing while Lindsay and AJ talk about Lindsay’s career. I like to think that either Lindsay, or the production, or both, were like, “You are out of your depth here, Dina, so just SIT DOWN and we’ll wave if we need you.” She does not catch on fire from paint fumes, nor from any spontaneous divine smitings.

insanity awaits thee

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Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 16


Zoe Hart, sometimes you are an idiot. Sure, for reasons that cannot be contravened without making this a wholly other show, but still. STILL.

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 3, episode 16


All righty, I’m doing this old-school style — no slideshow — for a variety of boring technical reasons (and as a semi-shout-out to Television Without Pity, which went dark yesterday), so get your scrolling finger warmed up and ready.

This episode of Scandal begins with Abby at the White House, doing Olivia Pope’s usual strut, and in an Imitation Olivia white coat. Cyrus treats her like a fly to be swatted, insisting she couldn’t possibly do Olivia’s job of speaking at an unrealistically rapid pace and bossing Fitz around a bit and then later having to concede every point and then also her pants. But Liv isn’t coming to work today because she’s punishing Fitz for being mopey about Andrew and Mellie, and thus ensuring she’s high on the list of people on this show who are unable to be professional. So it falls to Abby:

And rather than back her up, Cyrus just stands there and watches as everyone in the White House Pre-School Playpen totally ignores her. Fitz acts like a jerk, Fritz smolders, Mellie lusts in silence, there is resentment everywhere, and basically nobody is governing anything, as usual, because whatever, America is totally on auto-pilot, right?

Wombouflage #27: Academia. Liv is visiting her father at the real desk at his apparently real former fake cover job — I am confused by the fact that he was running B-Rontosaur this whole time and yet also apparently a bunch of people still think he works at the Smithsonian, enough so that he has actual things to do there. He is spilling to Liv the secrets of the realm: There is an algorithm skimming money from every department and from taxpayers, and funding an account for B-Jornborg. If that were true, wouldn’t Ron Livingston be Command and The Other Michael Bolton would be beating up office supplies with a baseball bat? Rowan tells Olivia that there is a spot on her Jump To Conclusions Mat that says, “Find algorithm and disable it, and B-Olton will die,” and she gamely agrees. So long as he promises not to harm Fitz. Rowan points out that Fitz may not see his second term REGARDLESS because he is an election-losing chump, but Olivia presses and so Rowan says he will not harm a hair on Fitz’s head. Olivia does not seem to remember that everyone in Washington, herself included, specializes in very carefully crafted language and conditional truths, so in fact, Rowan could easily pay someone else to harm even only one hair on Fitz’s head.

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Fug the Show: Revenge Recap, Season 3, Episode 17


Note:  Do I even know what’s happening in this show anymore? NOT REALLY. And that’s why I’m going to keep the actual recap so very short:

1) Olivier Martinez used to date Victoria and he had something to do with Aidan’s father’s role in the whole David Clarke thing because every human on the face of the earth is connected to this. (PS Aidan’s back because why not.) Emily does a LOT of desperate stuff to try to get on his good side — throwing a giant party for his charity and putting it on Daniel’s black AmEx (that part was kind of great), skulking around in tight dresses — and I am not really sure why she even needs to be on his good side? Regardless, Olivier Martinez is ride or die for Victoria Grayson (aren’t we all) and does not fall for any of Emily’s actually really patently obvious attempts to….do whatever she thinks having him on her side will accomplish. And he and Victoria hook up, to which I say: GOOD FOR YOU, VICKY.

2) Daniel: no one cares.

3) Charlotte: NO ONE CARES.

4) Nolan: You will soon see.

5) Margaux and Jack: Margaux continues to be the best person on this show, with the best outfits and the best accessories, all of which you will see in the slideshow. She gets offered a job in Rome and is all kind of Lauren Conrad about it because she doesn’t want to leave Jack and Jack is all, “don’t be cray,” and I am all, “SELL THAT CURSED BAR AND MOVE TO ROME WITH HER YOU IDIOT.” Nolan will visit and everyone else SUCKS. Arrivederci, you beautiful fools!

6) Conrad is either still in love with Stevie, who wears something TERRIBLE that I can’t wait to show you, or is in total asshat mode, but he talks her into giving back the deed to Grayson Manor, which is real dum on Stevie’s part. I am also really sad that I didn’t get to see poor Victoria living in an Oakwoods long-term rental situation and plotting her revenge.

To the outfits!

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