Fug File: Fug The Show

Fug the Show: The Royals recap, episode 4

Well, I just have the worst intel possible on when Joan is coming. Am I just full-on hallucinating, or was it supposed to have happened by now? Maybe the show leaked false arrival dates to make people keep watching… or maybe I have been engaging in EXTREMELY MAGICAL THINKING.



Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 18, “Loser Edit”

In which The Good Wife producers embed an extremely pointed and crabby message to recappers and freeze-framers all over the world. I’m not kidding. It’s at the end of the recap.

As for the rest: This show has an amazing ability to be timely, because we JUST had the Religious Freedom Restoration Act craziness in Indiana, and here comes The Good Wife with an episode all about it. We also get Case of the Week: While Alicia is being interviewed by a TV reporter named Petra (Lily Rabe, American Horror Story) for a puff piece on her win, the hackers from last week leak Lily the e-mails, and the episode becomes a cat-and-mouse game as Lily edits and re-edits her video.

Kalinda finally got to come off the bench, although it’s because the excrement is finally hitting the electric cooling system — which is also the case for The Strange Case of Alicia’s Inability To Control What She Puts In Work Emails. And no brooches in sight this week for Diane, but we DO get more Finn In Glasses, because even when The Good Wife is boning itself it still seems to understand what crumbs to throw us. Except in the case of…

16. Cary


I genuinely don’t think Cary did ANYTHING this week — I genuinely appear to need a macro on my computer for that sentence — except frown at Kalinda and wonder why she was walking so fast. A hint: She is trucking through the office because she has two doom plots going at once and can’t decide which one will catch up to her first. Does Matt Czuchry have a dialogue cap in his contract, or something, and he used it all up? I am just as perplexed as he is as to why this show can only seem to juggle one thing at a time anymore.

15. Will

Check out how he might feature in Lily Rabe’s news piece. You’re going to hate it:

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Fug The Show: Mad Men recap, Season 7, Episode 8, “Severance”

There’s nothing like deciding to cover a show in the last half of its final season, but come on: We all want to talk about this — THE MUSTACHES ALONE — and why not do it here? I’m not going to write a traditional recap (they’re everywhere, and much better than mine would be, because with this show I am sure I am forgetting like 75% of what happened last season. Don’s still a hot mess, right? Right), and of course you can get the creme de la creme of Mad Men costume analysis from Tom and Lorenzo.  Instead, this feature is going to be a bit of a moving target. This week I present to you the Mad Men Accessories Index. Spoiler: I have long loved Ken Cosgrove and his eyepatch. Double spoiler: Why didn’t anyone tell us DAN SCOTT was working at McCann? Matthew Weiner really loves the CW. Triple spoiler: Please join me in hoping that Peggy doesn’t need to eventually stab Brian Krakow with a bayonet.


Fug the Show: Scandal, season 4, episode 18, “Honor Thy Father”

Did you enjoy one blessed week fee and clear of B-Ieber? Because it’s BACK, and it’s opening its gaping, salivating mouth and preparing to chow down on the remaining four episodes of this show.

We begin in David Rosen’s office, where almost nothing good ever happens, if you think about it.


Jake refuses to sign his immunity deal and help bring down B-ReathofStaleAir, because he was once Command, and a whole slew of other boring reasons about death and danger and The Great and Powerful Oz. David Rosen vows to do it without him, and sets about rounding up the three most powerful members who once worked with Jake and could therefore feasibly be leverage to force him into joining their ranks. David is extremely confident that this is a brilliant plan to dismantle this irritating vortex of suck, which is your guarantee that it will fail spectacularly and explode in his face. Because not only does nothing good happen in David Rosen’s office, but in fact, nothing good happens TO David Rosen. Period. He is the Ziggy of Scandal.


And sure enough, we learn Jake has a bug under David’s desk — like, RIGHT under there, where his leg would totally have brushed it by now if it weren’t a total plot contrivance — and is cocking his gun and ready for action. Who is doing security in these government buildings, and why aren’t they routinely swept for bugs? Oh, wait, of course: B-Everywhere.

Speaking, too, of cocked guns and action:

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 16, “I Can’t Keep Away From You”

I think everyone knew exactly where this episode was going to end up — but it is always a treat seeing Connie Britton and Chip Esten do their thing, because you feel every one of the years that passed between these people and sometimes that kind of depth of chemistry is all you need. Nothing surprising has to happen if watching them talk it out, or just look at each other, is a pleasure.


We pick up right at the end of the last hour, when Rayna came back to Deacon, only to find out he’s dying of cancer. And she smacked him one out of surprise and grief, and then threw herself at him, sobbing. Now, I love these two together, and I actually understand her knee-jerk reaction there, but I also was mildly dismayed to see her doing her usual routine of making this about her. Here she does apologize for the slap, but other than that, the first thing she says is, “I’m not gonna let you leave me.” Which is a very ME ME ME kind of thing to say, when in fact, one might consider, “I’m so sorry this is happening to you — are you in pain, how long has this been going on, tell me everything,” etc. But of course Rayna goes all Needy McMEEEEE about it.


Connie Britton does look completely wrung out and empty, though. The way she clings to him is pretty heartbreaking. Also, from this I glean that Deacon gives good hug. I could get on board with buying my face in that, preferably without the imminent death. DEACON.

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife recap, season 6, episode 17, “Undisclosed Recipients”

“All options remain open to me now,” parrots Alicia in this hour, over and over, at Eli’s behest. This episode is all about people who ostensibly have power realizing — or being reminded — of how little they actually possess. And it was marginally better, albeit mostly because there are only five left after it, and so some table-setting is happening.

The case of the week informs it all, so let’s open with that: The Good Wife LOVES to take on That Durned Technologies Them Kids Are Usin’ Today, and this week it’s piracy. Florrick Agos Lockhart — whose acronym, FAL, could be pronounced “fail” — is representing a filmmaker who believes his box office tallies were hurt by all the illegal downloads of his film on a service called WharfMaster. For its part, WharfMaster likens itself to the post office: It delivers the parcels, but never peeks inside, because that would just be wrong. In defense of the service and FREEEEEDOM and whatnot, a bunch of hackers release four months’ worth of Florrick Agos Lockhart emails to some legal equivalent of Gawker, with the threat to release two years’ worth if the case isn’t dropped. Shenanigans ensue. And they completely vomit all over the reputation of the dead, as evidenced by the lowest person on our Power Suit ranking, who is only even IN a suit because presumably they buried him in one.

16. Will Gardner

Alicia skates by the initial leak because she was mostly using her campaign e-mail address, but the threat of two years raises some flags and dredges up some extremely personal correspondence, like this one from the ex-Mr. Gardner:


I have notes. First, I don’t know that Will Gardner would ever type up a mash note that reads like a high-schooler trying to write a teenage Fifty Shades of Grey. He totally wouldn’t have said “your soft lips against mine,” he PROBABLY would have put a period after “body,” he CERTAINLY would have stuck one after “baby,” and that last sentence is the drippiest piece of pancake since that time at IHOP when my kids poured out all the strawberry syrup. WILL GARDNER IS DEAD. Don’t first sully his memory and then POORLY PUNCTUATE IT. ON COMPANY EMAIL. BECAUSE HE CAN’T DEFEND HIMSELF. I like to think Josh Charles watched this from home and yelped, “I WROTE WHAT?!?”

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