Okay, before we talk about what Alicia Keys wore to the BET Awards, we have to discuss this:

Apparently, when she’s not attending awards shows, she’s living in a secret subterranean lair under the Paris Opera House.

Alicia, Alicia, Alicia, Alicia. I was SO WITH YOU from the waist up. Messy braid, red lips, white dinner jacket stolen from one of the members of Duran Duran — I FELT YOU. I really did. But then, as always, you had to go and wear some Weird Pants That Do You No Favors. You will never have a Andrew Lloyd Webber musical devoted to you like THIS. Go back to your lair and think about what you’ve done — and why you keep doing it.

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