We’re The Fuggers


Jennifer Aniston has, like an X-Wing in the Death Star corridor, switched all power to front deflector screens.

That looks like it was soldered to her from a mechanic’s junkyard. But it’s also, to me, HILARIOUS. She’s been nagged about pregnancy rumors, she’s cheerfully noted that she just gained a couple pounds that everyone assumed was a baby, and she’s endured a hundred magazine covers about the state of her ring finger, her uterus, and her mind grapes. Strapping a giant wheel well to her womb is a very amusing way to screw with everyone. I hope it was intentional. Well, obviously I hope the appliance itself was intentional, as I don’t wish upon ANYONE the fate of being squeezed into Darth Cummerbund against her will. But mostly I hope the Up Yours of it all was on purpose. I’ve decided it is.

[Photo: WENN]

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Comments (41):

  1. Annelie
    +19

    I used to find her so annoying, but she really has the most extraordinary level of charm not to have ripped into an interviewer at some point on the Baby Question.

    That was badly expressed! What I mean is, I can’t believe her only ‘fuck you’ over this has been sartorial. Props.

  2. Akit
    +12

    Darth Cumberband! brilliant!!
    If it was flush with the rest of the line of her dress it would look a lot better I think. But the way it’s sticking out is a tad odd. Props to the dress and shoes combo though! top stylish!

    • Other Emily
      +13

      Agreed. If it were flat, it would be totally fine. I know she wears black a lot, but this is a pretty fierce black combo for the most part. I think she looks pretty darn good. And I like her. I’m not anti-Angelina or anything, but I always thought maybe Brad thought he was just too deep for Jen and wanted a “more serious” woman like Angie. Me, I can get behind the idea of Jen as a galpal. Ellen loves her, and I love Ellen, so… Aniston just seems like kind of a regular woman who happens to be a famous and gorgeous movie star.

      • Rigor_Mortis
        +17

        Well, Brad surely doesn’t sound “deep” to me in interviews… more like very dumb and trying way too hard to look smart.

        (For the record, I don’t care about any of those 3 people at all, I’m just here for the red carpet porn!)

    • Squirrel!
      +4

      Cumberband? I think that would be Benedict Cumberbatch wearing a cummerbund. Let’s picture that, shall we? ;-)

  3. Stacie
    +3

    Dress and shoes (and even “belt”) are fine. But the hair…blech.

  4. qwertygirl
    +2

    And she’s back to black dresses. I knew it was too good to last. Even this, um, accessory doesn’t save this dress from being her usual basic boring black dress. *sigh* One step forward, two steps back.

  5. Rigor_Mortis
    +8

    With a smaller belt, this would’ve been a hit for me.

  6. Annie
    +9

    Honestly, despite this being another LBD, I really like it. Even the belt. I think the dress would be cute but a bit too plain without the belt. Overall, I think she looks curvy, with a nicely defined waist, and her legs look amazing.

  7. Big Noise
    +3

    Yes, she wears black a lot. And yes, this looks like a giant pair of plastic lips around her waist. But the dress and shoes are great, and the hair? FFHD, in my opinion, and it’s much better than the stringy, straight mop she usually has.

  8. Candy
    +2

    It looks perfectly fine while I’m pretending the “belt” isn’t there.

  9. Ranee Singleton
    +3

    I bet she could store snacks in the top of that belt!

  10. Stefanie
    +10

    I saw other pictures of this and I actually really liked it. It seemed to lay flat and not be so saddle like. Whatever, though. I still love Jen.

  11. Maria L.
    +4

    Maybe she has signed on with the WWE? It would be OK, if not for that contraption around her waist.

  12.  Billie
    +6

    Is this her sartorially saying ‘You want something to talk about? I’ll give you something to talk about.’

  13. Emily
    +7

    Honestly, with the extra couple lbs, it’s the best she’s looked in a long time! Much softer and very feminine.

  14.  filmcricket
    +3

    The fit on everything is just so awful. That dress is too tight across the bust and hips, and looks too big in the shoulders. The belt (that she’s wearing backwards, btw) is gaping, probably because she’s a mite too short-waisted to carry it off.

    It’s too bad, because with another belt and a proper fit on the dress, this would be totally badass.

  15.  Guest
    +4

    The belt is actually being worn backwards, so I think that’s what’s throwing off the look for me. If it was worn correctly it would sit flat. So the question is did she do this on purpose because she wanted to hide her tummy better, or is she just punking the press? Either way it’s hilarious.

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +1

      Hiding her tummy, I think. For an actress especially, it’s one thing to behave as if you’re okay with a slight weight gain, but it’s quite another to really be okay with it. Her figure looks great half a size bigger, but I’d be willing to bet she’s desperately trying on everything in the closet and wailing at the mirror.

      Which is probably what led her to this awful dress. I’m sure previously it was sitting in the back, minding its own business like the what-was-I-thinking moment that it was, but on this day? It was one that she could zip, even if it didn’t really fit right.

      I can relate to that.

      But not to the belt.

  16. Squirrel!
    +4

    What are mind grapes?

  17. RegularPostingANON
    +4

    That belt is ruining the line of what appears to be a fabulous LBD!
    Get rid of the belt and add a bracelet.

    I really wish she would cut her hair. Many of us Four Scorers can really boost the shine and add youth by taking off a couple of inches.

  18. ChristieLea
    +4

    I know I’m the only person in North America who finds her hopelessly irritating, but…geez, lady, change it up a bit!

    • annie
      +6

      No, you’re not. Like the Beyonce adoration, I just don’t get it.

      • julyol1972
        0

        I really don’t get it either. She irritates the heck outta me! And that god-awful “heavy-metal, head-banger” hair. For someone with so much money, and a really decent body, she needs to fire/hire a stylist, and start over.

        However, I can’t co-sign on part 2 of your post, ’cause I love Queen Bey!!!

    • Eli
      +1

      Nope, I find her irritating and vapid. And unrelated (because this is not her fault), I cannot wait until she goes through menopause so I can stop reading endless speculations about what may or may not be inside her womb.

  19. Lisa
    +4

    The hair style is driving me nuts, very cheer squad circa 1989.

  20. Francesca
    +1

    Just because she stepped out of her comfort zone (actually, it was more like a micrfiber Snuggie zone), it’s appealing. I even like the hair. Anything’s better than that flat ironed, boring look she had before. She’s got some good legs on her, too.

  21. Nicole
    +1

    Love those shoes! Anyone know where they’re from?

  22. Sajorina
    +2

    I like this outfit sans cummerbund! It is fun, but it looks weird to me, like it’s part of the tuxedo costume a Storm Trooper would wear to its wedding! She looks good, though!

  23. Bottle Ginger
    +2

    Her saddle is the wrong way around!

    •  HelenBackAgain
      0

      Heh. It really does look saddle-y. Kinda minimalist and chilly, though… I know! Saddles by Jean Paul Gaultier!

  24. CoCo TheUntameable Wine
    0

    she needs to pull it up to where it belongs..

  25. Gabs
    +1

    “Darth Cummerbund”… I laughed so hard. You are genius.

  26. charlie
    0

    Today on google and test a few of your early posts. Your blog post is just great.
    charlie http://www.kiwibox.com/deletetalk56