Unfug or Fab: Jessica Biel


unfug-it-up

Child, did you even TRY with that hair?

[Photos: WENN, Splash]

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Comments (50):

  1. pantsonfire
    0

    I actually really like the brocade dress! At least from the front; I am suspicious of the back because it seems there is rump ruffle peeking out, but I have found no photos to confirm or deny. I think I have a soft spot for brocade and that bodice is fantastic. The way it’s done actually is flattering on her; she is a bit muscular up there (admirably so!) but not every strapless is going to work. This one does. That said, the skirt is a hair tight and the colors are terrible on her. And the hair is a nightmare.

    I think I might despise the second outfit. Lace feels so wrong on her–anything so overtly romantic is just out of tune with her look. Plus, I don’t know that that color is any better on her than the first. I saw a spread of her recently–I think it was InStyle, maybe?–and there was this one two page photo where she had a braid and she looked spectacular (even with bangs). It can be done.

  2. Laura
    0

    Sigh, why does Jessica Biel make everything look boring and unflattering? She has a kick-ass body, I don’t get why everything looks so frumpy and blah on her. Probably time to stop taking style tips from JT.

    • Lina-Sophie
      0

      She does not exude any kind of personality to me, maybe that is why everything looks so plain on her. Also I am SO over nude/blush/ivory hues!

      • ortenzia
        0

        you know, i actually like this look — hyper tailored yellow-beige dress, bright red lip, messy hair. it all works for me. my only complaint is side-boob and how, as much as she seems like a fine enough human, biel can never work a look.

      • Soapstef
        0

        Something has been really off with her for a while now. I keep asking myself…”what happened to this girl?” She used to be something. I still remember her in all the “I’m trying to kill the 7th Heaven image phase. She had spark! She had presence! What happened? She looks lost to me.

  3. junaitatres
    0

    You guys, this is what my hair looks like when I’m cleaning my house. There is no excuse for this “hairdo” in any other context.

    I agree with Laura. She’s a gorgeous girl with a killer body. But she never gets it right and I don’t understand it.

    • Conchobara
      0

      Girl needs a stylist! For such a pretty girl she almost never looks comfortable. I’m not even a fan, and I want better for her.

  4. Sondra
    0

    I would like the brocade dress a lot more if it were a different color. The hair, though. The hair! I can’t decide if it’s more sad if she paid someone to do that to her or if she did it to her self.

    I can’t with that flesh tone lace.

    • Jeanette
      0

      Agreed Sondra. more like flesh-creeping-one-lace though. Super unflattering.

  5. regina
    0

    I like the dress! It is lovely. My only complaint is that it might be a tad snug on her.

    • ortenzia
      0

      It needs to be brought up a half inchish so that it stops the side boobs and rests more naturally on the chest.

      • pantsonfire
        0

        Yes! I noticed the tightness on the skirt, but you are absolutely right. It is a tad too small all over, causing it to not come up high enough to sit right on her boobs.

  6. Gail
    0

    Brocade dress: turn it into red and shorten it, and yes the hair is all wrong. The other dress: Again, the color is weird. This one would probably be better in ivory.

    I actually like the messy do, if it were paired with some flowy maxi dress or something that met it in personality. I would love to see her in a more relaxed outfit like that, as perhaps her personality would shine through a little more. She always wears such mature outfits that look so business -y, it’s like she’s trying to look like a grownup!

  7. Chrissy
    0

    Yes, the first one also reminds me of “fancy old chair,” but I still don’t hate it. I do hate that messy hair. The second dress is fine, but I wish she would try something other than neutrals. I see her in a halter neck gown with a low back and flowing bottom in a bright fushia, with wavy hair (no bangs) for the beachy vibe mentioned in the slideshow.

  8. Sara
    0

    Oh, dear. That lace dress does not belong on anyone. Somewhere, there’s a Victorian mansion with a very dusty end table.

    The first dress can stay (though there might also be an un-upholstered davenport out there). Not sure what shoes she wore, but I’d fix the hair so it’s in a sleeker up-do and swap the shoes and/or the bag for something red to match the lipstick and make it a little more fun.

    She is gorgeous, but there’s something odd going on with her make-up. I can’t decide if it’s because the bangs are scraggly and look greasy and heavy to me, or if there’s a little too much blush. Her face just looks too “done” while the hair is a complete mess.

    • Kris M
      0

      It’s the lipstick. The red looks like someone markered over the photo.

  9. ringthing
    0

    I think the answer is to replace Biel with another actress. We all have irrational celeb like/stabby lists and this one really makes me stabby.

  10. llism
    0

    Everything about her just seems . . . dead. Her eyes are lifeless. Her hair is lifeless. Her smile is lifeless. Her clothing choices are forgettable and lifeless. Seems she hasn’t found her personal groove yet–everything she wears and all the ways in which she’s styled seem to contradict her somehow, resulting in her looking perpetually uncomfortable, like she’s been dropped in a different country where she doesn’t speak the language. Biel should take a note from KStew (who also looks lifeless in styles that aren’t her own) and wear what she’s comfortable in. Something that you feel good in, even if slightly less event-appropriate, will look better any day than a “nice” outfit that isn’t you.

  11. Eli
    0

    She’s just boring. The most interesting thing she has ever done was pose for some “risque” shots when she was on Seventh Heaven and piss off the almighty Aaron Spelling and that was a long time ago.

  12. TaraMisu
    0

    *YAWN*

  13. cstiddy
    0

    Her clothes always seem to “wear her” vs. the other way around. This is why the only thing she manages to exude is: zero personality.

  14. Shannon
    0

    It looks like someone interrupted her walk of shame to get a photo of her.

  15. Lynniekae
    0

    I find her incredibly boring. With all the hoopla about her stepping out of 7th Heaven’s shadow all those yrs back, you’d think she’d be more exciting. That said, I like the dress, both the color and the brocade style. The hair is an absolute clash to the dress. I think the hair should be a bit more sleek. Not super slicked, but just a little more shape.

    This hairstyle is way too Olsen.

  16. Kate
    0

    I think you should try to like her more, and then you won’t hate everything she wears. You’re biased! I’m serious. She’s not the typical princess actress, in that she climbs mountains and goes backcountry skiing and all that sort of “dangerous” not-your-typical-celebrity crap that we all do where I live. I think she makes terrible choices on movies, but at least she’s happy and with a man that’s also willing to get dirty or break a leg and be rescued by helicopter. She doesn’t always look terrible, either!

    • Aphy
      0

      For me, the problem is that she never seems relaxed or at ease in whatever she is wearing. The endless parade of flouncy, girly and formal dresses just do not look good on her.

      This woman is young, gorgeous and her stylist(s) must have designers on speed dial who are obviously more than willing to throw frocks her way. It is unimaginable to me that no one around her can help her get it right. She doesn’t need more girly complicated formal wear. She needs to figure out the elusive ‘effortless chic”. Yes, most times it is very difficult to do, but I’m also not a famous actress, engaged to a famous (and rich) guy and have endless talented people willing to do hair, makeup and find clothes that will compliment my personality and body.

      I like her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she never looks comfy/chic and her hair is an unflattering mess.

  17. Billie
    0

    She’s just so, lifeless. She has no personal style and seems to wear whatever seems to be ‘in’ at the moment. If you chop her head off, she could be any other celebrity. She’s just a glorified hanger, which is why I think nobody ever says she looks fantastic. Her personality never seems to be infused into her outfits.

  18. witjunkie
    0

    I think she’s doing that thing where they pin up the hair to make it look like a bob, but the front shorter layers fell out. Which is exactly what my hair does when I try to do that and see what shorter hair would look like. It looks OK from the side but the front is me in my bathroom mirror.

  19. Charlotte
    0

    I love the first dress…on someone else. The pale yellow and champagne combination does not play nice with her complexion (the atrocious makeup job does not help). I really just, like, want to stick it on Lucy Liu or Rose McGowan or some other pale, raven-haired star (Emily Blunt? Zooey Deschanel?). It’s meant for someone with a cooler skin tone than Jessica. And the lipstick should be a blue-red, not an orange-red.

    The second dress is nice? I wish she was wearing better shoes (a metallic strappy shoe would be my choice) and that her lip color wasn’t so matchy. But she’s, you know, fine. Whatever.

  20. PinkieBling
    0

    I don’t like that first dress at all. I agree about the colors, plus I don’t think it fits her well. It looks too small, to me.

  21. Ranee Singleton
    0

    Wait!!! Are ’80′s bangs back in?

    Does this mean I can go back to my old college hair cut?

    YAY!!!!

  22. Corriner
    0

    I really like the first dress, and I think on someone else it would have been a home run.

    But that hair must die a thousand deaths.

  23. Sandra
    0

    The brocade would look a lot better yanked up a few inches. The bodice would no longer look like it’s falling off and the skirt would be knee-length or a little higher. There is no excuse for that hair; an explanation maybe, but not an excuse. If you want to be elegant, be the hell elegant. If you want to be casual, that’s fine too. What’s going on here is the fashion equivalent of molecular gastronomy: It sounds edgy and interesting; it looks like something that even the dog wouldn’t eat.

  24. Anna
    0

    I would abandon the first one. The very architectural bodice is doing absolutely no favors for her boobs, and while the length is nice, I can’t get over my impression that the thing is so stiff and un-contoured that if she bends over too far while trying to sit down, we’ll get a very unflattering shot indeed. Plus the fabric looks like she stole it from an armchair in Versailles. I think it’s good sartorial policy that one’s dress should never remind a drunk person that perhaps they ought to be sitting on you and saluting Mme. de Pompadour.

    The second one I like better, but would like it more with a few alterations. I would lighten the color by a few shades. That particular shade of nude combined with the lace makes the whole thing look dusty to me, like a placemat recently rescued from my grandmother’s linen cabinet and in need of bleaching. I think I would like it better if the color was lighter, and if HER HAIR DIDN’T LOOK SO AWFUL. Sorry, she’s reduced me to shouting. Give her a proper chignon and lighten the fabric by a few shades, and I think I could really dig the look.

  25. Mahastee
    0

    I love that first dress, it’s killer. But the hair, shoes, makeup, attitude aren’t up to scratch, there is no imagination and whoever approved that hair needs to be fired RIGHT NOW.

    A dress like that needs someone who will WORK it, likeJ-Lo or Posh.

  26. Bonnie
    0

    I think she is beautiful but MUCH less so with those bangs

  27. Art Eclectic
    0

    I’m not sure I’d marry a guy who continuously dressed me in horrible things that made me look dumpy and sad.

  28. vandalfan
    0

    Grandmother of the bride. The one that thinks she can still wear clothing this tight.

  29. R
    0

    I love the second dress! She needs to wear a brighter lipstick with it though.

  30. Sajorina
    0

    I like the first dress, shoes & clutch… I love the colors, the print, the silhouette and the fit! My only problem is with the hair & makeup! And, I love the second dress! WANT! But, I don’t like that she wore it with black shoes; nude or metallic shoes would’ve worked so much better! I say FAB overall!

  31. Jules
    0

    I can’t criticize her look, because visually she is what I feel right now.
    I want to wear a neutral but it’s too early for fall colors.
    And I’m not ready to fix my beach-distressed hair.

  32. Franziska
    0

    Hey, she’s wearing a bright lipstick, she’s not got half her face covered by a straight fringe and she’s actually looking like she’s enjoying herself… isn’t that what counts? I like the first dress better than the second, the colour of the second is off putting. It’s not cappuccino, it’s not latte, maybe it’s a mocha? Whatever it is, with the lack of lipstick it’s definitely decaf.

  33. Aria
    0

    If she is letting Justin pick out her clothes, as she said in some interview, she needs to stop.

  34. d.j.
    0

    yikes you’re so harsh on her! I don’t find her charming at all – but she has a fantastic body, pretty face and expensive clothes – surely it can’t be all that bad??

  35. Kelly
    0

    That first dress would work so much better on someone like Reese Witherspoon. I also hate the red lipstick with that first dress, but think it would look good with the last dress.

  36. ML Kasson
    0

    How can someone who has such an awesome body and a gorgeous face be so unbelievably and consistently BORING?!

  37. Evalyn
    0

    Dear Jessica:
    Hair should be an accessory. Or buy a nice hat.

  38. llusays
    0

    in every picture I’ve seen this week of Miss Thing, she looks a hot mess. Time for a (new) stylist.

  39. Ms. A.
    0

    Ugh. It’s like someone tried to transform grandmas nightgown into something chic. That fabric and print is fug. The hair looks like a bob cut gone totally wrong. And I love me a red lip but it just doesn’t work here.
    To top it off, its BORING. which is worse than anything.

  40. Meg
    0

    Ugh. I have seen better hair on the homeless. Does she realize how dreadful and OLD that nasty fringe makes her look?! If I could get past the terrible hair, I might be able to comment on the dress. She has such a pretty face when it isn’t covered up.

  41. Beth
    0

    A big fat “no” to all of them. And the hair.