Fug File: Teen Vogue

Fug The Cover: Shailene Woodley on Teen Vogue


I’d like this, if she didn’t look so sad:

And since she’s promoting Divergent and not The Fault In Our Stars — AKA Why Don’t You Just Go Ahead And Ugly Cry? — her Sad Face isn’t even thematic! I mean, there is no doubt that Shailene is beautiful and this is a lovely shot of her, and she has a lot of emotion in her face here, all of which is great, but does this really scream, “EPIC PROM” to you? I think they accidentally landed on “EPIC TRAGEDY.”  I can only assume they were aiming for dreamy, but even if that’s the case, then the “Hollywood Rebel” cover line doesn’t match what they thought her expression said, EITHER. Is she dreamy? Is she rebellious? Is she going to prom or to hell? In short: I HAVE CONFUSION. Thanks for your devotion to the mighty bracelet, though, Shailene. None of this is your fault.

[Photo: Teen Vogue]

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Fug or Fab The Cover: Lea Michele on Teen Vogue


There’s a lot about this that I really like:

The No Makeup makeup, which I always love on a teen-oriented magazine, the vow that big hair is back (you know I love big hair), the dreamy retro filter that makes her look like she’s just fallen out of a box of photographs someone once kept at the top of their guest closet, the white eyelet top. I have a white eyelet thing. I once bought a white eyelet Marc Jacobs shift dress at the Barney’s Warehouse sale and I still think of that dress sometimes, even though I never wore it and I ended up selling it on eBay because it made me look like a giant envelope.

But I just want to know what’s wrong with her hands and why she’s about to eat that weed. I know you’re a vegetarian, Lea! I saw you on Top Chef. But maybe try an avocado instead! (Actually, the day Teen Vogue runs a cover with an actress biting into an avocado like an apple is the day I send the Avocado Lobby forty bucks in cash.)

What say you?

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Fug the Cover: Ariana Grande on Teen Vogue


I sincerely cannot with this:

I generally really enjoy Teen Vogue, but this cover is simply not good. For one thing, I don’t know what they’re trying to do with her hair — she has a lot of hair, and while I am a fan of a lot of hair, it always looks totally out of control and not in the Sexy Bedhead Way. In the Jesus, I Can’t Deal With My Hair While I’m In The Middle of Cleaning Out the Garage Way. Considering that she also appears to be wearing some random tank top and leaning on a fence that needs painting, this whole thing sort of just screams 263 WAYS TO LOOK…WELL, BASICALLY JUST OKAY WHILE DOING YOUR CHORES.

[Photo: Teen Vogue]

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Fines and Fabs: Hailee Steinfeld, Including Teen Vogue Cover


Between Romeo and Juliet and Ender’s Game, we’re going to be seeing a lot of Hailee Steinfeld in the next few weeks. Which is fine with me: She, at least, is never boring.

[Photos: Getty]

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Well Played Cover: Emma Watson


I know some of you may disagree with this, but I think this cover is great.  No makeup, great eyebrows, and, essentially, NOTHING interfering with her face. On a cover where they’re plugging a skin-care article, this seems smart, and it’s refreshing to see a teen magazine actually go the Fresh Faced route occasionally. Bonus points for kind of funky hair that doesn’t fight with her face, and actually kind of manages to look sort of simple and easy. I may, however, by biased by how much I love her. Hermione, you grew up so well.

What do you guys think?

[Photo: Teen Vogue]

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Fug the Cover: Taylor Swift


Oh my God.

So, yesterday I was reading The Carrie Diaries — Candace Bushnell’s YA take on Carrie Bradshaw, which is, if you’re wondering, pretty entertaining, and also benefits from the fact that you can just imagine SJP in Square Pegs throughout — which is set in the 80s, and when I put it down and came across this, I really had a moment where I wondered if I’d hit my head and woke up IN the 80s, because I’m pretty sure this was the cover of Seventeen for every issue between 1987 and 1991. And if so, does that mean I have to take Pre-Algebra again? BECAUSE I JUST CAN’T.

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