Ugh. I just really hate this, you guys, and it’s a shame because I love Eva Longoria. Her comic timing in impeccable and she just seems fun. I WANT MORE FOR YOU, EVA.

Let’s start with the most egregious bit:

(Parenthetically, whomever is covering this for Variety in the background there, I love your dress!) Now, Eva. Oh, Eva. Did no one look at this and think, “don’t those two strings remind you of that agonizing period in 2006 when everyone decided to have their thong poke out of the top of their low-rise jeans?” Because — although obviously it ISN’T — this just screams A SALUTE TO THE G-STRING to me. And from the front:

I suspect this dress was intended for a woman about half a foot taller than Eva is. I just want to scoot over to her and yank the entire thing up.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]