Fugsica White


Thank you to Jessica White for adding fuel to the pyre on which the “models can wear anything” theory is burning.

Models can’t wear this. Windows can’t wear this. Canopy beds can’t wear this. Marchesa models can’t wear this. Mannequins at the polygamist cult on-site lingerie emporium can’t wear this. Tables can’t wear this. Clowns can’t wear this. People who breathe can’t wear this. SWINTON can’t wear this. Leighton Meester might think she can wear this, but she can’t. Tyra Banks secretly thinks she can wear this, but knows better than to try.  Your mortal enemy should think she can wear this, even though she can’t, because that would be satisfying. In short, this is the incomprehensibly hideous Lanz of Salzburg sleepwear version of Erin Wasson’s idiotic Golden Globes dress: It is evil, and must be destroyed.

[Photo: Getty]

react:
Leave a reply

Comments (76):

  1. Tessa
    0

    As God as my witness, I actually gasped.

  2. Willow
    0

    I worry that someone made this thinking “Someone can wear this”.

    • Fiona K
      0

      That “someone” has to be Miss J Alexander…the only human who could pull this off.

  3. Beatrice
    0

    Thank the Lord for modesty ruffs.

  4. Alice
    0

    the shoes are good?

    The net curtain digesting the poor woman it just ate? Not so much.

    *this might be a double post, something happened and it scared me*

  5. Stefanie
    0

    Who the hell sits around sketching this shit? And then who the hell give the ok to actually produce this shit?

  6. Stella
    0

    Sad, Tudor, clown hooker?

    • Genevieve
      0

      That made me laugh because those are the words that should be associated with this!

      This is one of the worst outfits I’ve ever seen. These should be curtains, because even Maria Von Trapp would leave them alone.

  7. Erin
    0

    Kill it before it lays eggs!!

  8. PeggyO
    0

    This has got to be in the top ten fugliest outfits EVER seen on this site. I guess congratulations are in order? or not.

  9. Sam
    0

    Someone with breasts that low on her body definitely can’t wear this.

    Should we be glad she put undies on? I think that’s the only good thing about this.

    • Bevvie Hedstrom
      0

      “Someone with breasts that low on her body definitely can’t wear this. ”

      I didn’t look closely enough to notice at first, but went back to it after reading your comment. So. Very. Awful.

  10. AM
    0

    The sleeves and neckline look sort of like my 20+ year old wedding dress. Of course, I actually had, you know a skirt with a lining, and hose, and no one could see my undies. On the other hand, people are criticizing Michelle Williams below. I know which one I’d feel more comfortable in. Not to mention being appropriately dressed.

  11. theotherjennifer
    0

    I’m thankful she is not wearing a thong.

  12. Cinnamon
    0

    It’s like lingerie for Sister Wives! I do however, see NeNe from Real Housewives trying to pull this off….

  13. Sam
    0

    Girl, why did you take this off?
    http://www.gettyimages.de/detail/nachrichtenfoto/model-jessica-white-attends-the-jay-z-concert-to-nachrichtenfoto/138443657

    It’s fugly too, but it’s not completely omg-I-can-see-your-nipples-see-through.

  14. chicago
    0

    That’s just stupid.

  15. Eliza Bennett
    0

    Fug madness!

    • Melissa
      0

      Totally taking a run-up at fug madness 2012.
      You had me at “rrruff”.

  16. Kris
    0

    Utterly ridiculous. And she even ‘accessorized’ it with a belt. I mean what’s the thought process there – should I wear a belt or not? better with the belt or without. WTH???

    • anny
      0

      A BIG STARK WHITE TACKY PLASTIC “PATENT LEATHER” BELT WITH GOLD EDGES. Which doesn’t match the cream of the “garment”. But it, like, totally matches the shoes.

  17. drPhilG
    0

    I sure hope we see more of her, so that come the playoffs for Fugster of the Year, we get to see this ensemble along with its brethren in a Fug tour de force!
    The dangly boobs seem to be just one cup too far…

  18. Kristen from MA
    0

    I am speechless. Really, no words…

  19. gav
    0

    The most alarming thing about this is the millions of copycat ‘Sexy William Shakespeare’ Halloween costumes this will inspire.

  20. Juanitatres
    0

    Is this really happening?

  21. JessicaAZ
    0

    What?! I. Just. Can’t.

  22. Kit
    0

    Is this real life????!!!

  23. Sandra
    0

    What do you suppose the bet she lost was about? I’m just going to pop down to the laundry room to set my eyeballs to soak. Shudder!

  24. Diana
    0

    As appalling as the outfit is I am even more disgusted with how she chose to accessorize it: The belt, the shoes, the whitish toe polish, the red lipstick BLARRRRRGHHHHH

  25. Bailey
    0

    It’s not often that I actually, unconsciously recoil from my screen

  26. celia
    0

    If there is any justice in the world, she will get her period while wearing this thing.

  27. val.
    0

    Silly girl. Didn’t her mom ever tell her to wear nude underwear under white? Her panties are totally showing!

  28. eee
    0

    I just can’t stop laughing at this.

  29. Lina
    0

    Whoever she lost the bet to is one cruel, cruel human being.

  30. Inari
    0

    I hope she just lost a bet… Something positive, though: that monstrosity forces people to look at her definitely pretty face.

    But… Please tell me I’m not going crazy, because I keep seeing shades of another badly dressed Jessica there. Google image search made me more confused – at times there is a bit of Biel there, at others there’s no resemblance.

  31. Mary
    0

    Wow… there are no words for this… Her face tells the story… “I’m **SO** working this hideous lacy catsuit/jumpsuit thing”… Girl… Sorry to say… You are NOT…

    • anny
      0

      I think she looks stunned. Or maybe she’s breathing through her mouth. Yeah – maybe she’s all tanked up on DayQuil and that’s the explanation.

  32. Erica
    0

    This makes angels cry.

  33. Anne B
    0

    Little (Whore)House On The Prairie.

  34. Shannon
    0

    I can’t imagine ANY occasion where this would be appropriate, but at a United Way fundraiser, really?

    • Bubba
      0

      Ditto – my thoughts exactly! Eeeeek. I work in non-profit and if anyone showed up at one of my events dressed like this I’m pretty sure we’d try to find a way to throw a coat over them.

  35. Lisa
    0

    SWINTON could wear this. But chooses not to.

  36. Fiona K
    0

    She put a belt on it. How do you look at this in the mirror and say to yourself “It just needs a belt.. a white belt”. I’m grateful that we don’t have a shot of the back because that could break a person. Gack!

    • Anne B
      0

      Same way you might look in the mirror and think, “This would be AMAZING with a white pedicure.”

  37. vandalfan
    0

    On top of all the rest, it’s a jumpsuit. With a clown collar and Leg o’Mutton sleeves.

    • GingerLover
      0

      And bows at the bottom of the legs. I picture the designer… “what this needs is little bows at the bottom of the legs.” Yes that’s right, bows will help! ( so during harvest we can store onions in it – because then it just might have some earthly purpose, because otherwise it has none, unless it’s as an automatic finalist in Fug Madness 2012!)

      • GingerLover
        0

        Oh damn, never mind, I think they are on the shoes. (oddly they keep jumping out at me.)

  38. Anne B
    0

    On an ill-advised third look, it’s the white hipster undies that really bug me.

  39. becky
    0

    I have been following you guys since like day one and I have to say, this may be your best critique EVER!

  40. Mahastee
    0

    I love when we are treated to a good old-fashioned fug like this! I mean, her mani and her pedi are totally different colors!!

    Oh yeah, and the rest is unspeakably heinous too.

  41. Drive Bye
    0

    I am literally dying ovah hear. Even a toilet paper roll would rather go nekkid. Even Alexa Chung wouldn’t wear it.

  42. Sajorina
    0

    This defintely came from HELL! Kill it! Kill it now!!!

  43. Megan
    0

    This post/ comments are hilarious!!!!

    This outfit is hideous!!!! The styling of the outfit is hideous!!! She is basically wearing a body stocking & a pair of briefs! Not even a bra!! But the belt was completely necessary to pull it together!! My god, I hope when she puts this through a wash cycle it destroys itself!

  44. Veronica
    0

    what is this i cannot

    Seriously.

    No.

  45. gryt
    0

    Maybe Florence Griffith-Joyner can wear this.

  46. Emma
    0

    Uh… I can see her underpants.

  47. Gwen Robinson
    0

    This reminds me of the naughty catsuits with the split crotches that I used to sell at Lover’s Lane. Which should never be worn outside the bedroom, and quite possibly not even in it.

  48. Maria
    0

    Yikes.

  49. Jane
    0

    I think you are wrong. Canopy beds can wear this. In fact, I think it would make a very nice canopy (and it would keep the mosquitos away.) The rest of the list re who and what cannot wear it is quite correct.

  50. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    God Almighty!!! VILE!!!

  51. Kris M
    0

    I may have had a Barbie that wore something like this. Not that she looked good in it.

  52. Goeze
    0

    This outfit makes me want to fight the designer, seriously!!

  53. dannygurl
    0

    It’s kinda like Morticia Adams–in reverse…and equally scary!

  54. sarky
    0

    I lurrrrve this. The thumbnail is a complete set up. It looks like a perfectly ordinary fugly dress, but the full length pic delivers a freight train sized sucker-punch. Bwahahahaha

  55. Rubee
    0

    EWWWWWWW!!!!!