Fug The Show: Beyonce’s “Mrs. Carter” Tour


I think we can all agree that if Beyonce had given up singing for figure skating, the costumes would have forced everyone else on the ice to step up their games. We can also all agree that the last costume in this slideshow — which wants you to think it is Not Safe For Work — is totally creepy for that exact reason.

[Photos: Splash]

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Comments (88):

  1. Miranda
    0

    Ugh I am so over her. When I can see the beginnings of your labia… let’s just say I feel violated. PUT IT AWAY. She has gotten so try hard about it all. It’s really revolting. Someone needs to be her get-a-grip friend stat!

    • Jen from cincy
      +1

      Agreed. The “I’m all that and a bag of chips” attitude is so tiresome. As is the incessant crotch display in this slideshow. Look into pants.

      • Helen
        0

        PANTS YES.

        I would say, “Or skirts, or shorts, or dresses,” but she’d make all of those unattractively obscene, too.

        Pants are what is needed here.

        • McLisa
          +2

          Pants are good. Pants are necessary. In fact, I want Michael Douglas to do his Gordon Gekko greed speech about pants.

          Why don’t people like pants anymore?

        • Alice
          +1

          Careful what you wish for. Remember the horror of the Camel Toe? (shudder)

  2. The Classy Cubicle
    +1

    I will spend the remainder of today desperately trying to purge the image of the boobdazzled leotard from my memory.

    Between that and all the crotch exposure, my future therapist is going to make thousands from the trauma of these images alone.

    The Classy Cubicle

  3. Chasmosaur
    0

    Yeah, I’m usually one of those people who thinks including performance dress in the tourney isn’t quite right. But that bodysuit? Yeesh.

    But that being said – I think maybe a performance invitational would be cool. But you guys have writing to do and families, so I know that’s probably unreasonable. You need an actual Intern, not George who never shows up. ;)

  4. bambi_beth
    0

    Overexposure? I don’t even find her attractive anymore. I can never unsee the bling nipples. They are truly disturbing.

  5. qwertygirl
    0

    This is just…wow.

  6. Helen
    0

    I remember her saying, years ago, that she didn’t like “Bootylicious.”

    Guess she finally decided to do something about it and be called “Boobylicious” from now on.

    • Aphy
      0

      Hee. Or labialicious.. But that sounds really pornish. She’s too pretty for all of this. It’s all just so terrible.

      • Helen
        +4

        Haha, or like a drag queen name. “And now, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I am thrilled to present Miss Labia Licious!”

      • Sweetsinger
        0

        Agreed–she is too talented to need to default to exhibitionism.

  7. Mina
    +1

    Does anyone else think the be-nippled bodysuit in the last slide looked like an owl? I also wish she would look into pants. Maybe shorts? I know it must get a bit warm on stage doing all that moving around but I feel like there are pants for this purpose.

    • Christopher Volkerts
      0

      I was just coming on here to say that I thought it might actually be an owl. A bad bad awful horrifying owl with nipple eyes. but an Owl nonetheless.

  8. Dazie
    0

    I don’t get it. When did it become passé to just… sing?

    • Eliza Bennett
      +4

      Never. See:Adele.
      I can’t wait for the day Queen B decides to do a jazz album and just puts on one fabulous floor length gown and sings, because she totally has the voice for it.

  9. sarah
    0

    If anyone doesn’t need to draw focus – let alone continuously – to her crotch and/or boobs, it’s Beyonce, with her tons of talent. She’s being demeaning to herself.

    On the other hand: I’d hate to have missed the brilliance of ‘Nipsy Bling’.

  10. glee
    0

    The expression on her face may be a result of glimpsing a reflection of the nipsy blingy outfit. OR seeing it on a (va)gino-tron screen. Ugh.

    • Danna
      0

      re: her expression, my first thought was “you smelt it you dealt it.”

  11. Lizzy
    +1

    Are these wannabe skater outfits or really fancy one-piece swimsuits? When did performing a concert in a bedazzled swimsuit become a thing? I’ll take Adele or Florence over this hot mess, please. Put it away.

  12. Donna
    +2

    That last one reminded me of those awful novelty barbecue aprons for dudes, with fake titties and lingerie.

  13. mazzy
    +4

    She and Jay exhaust me now. I feel like they, their publicists, and their fanbases have worked so hard to convince us all that they’re American royalty that I’ve both given in, but also stopped caring.

  14. marlie
    0

    Record scratch indeed. WHOA.

  15. deee
    0

    Poor Ivy Blue. How screwed up is she going to be? It’s one thing to run around like a costumed idiot when you’re single (see Lady Blabla). It’s another thing to be a Mom and show yourself to the world as a bejeweled porn star. Plus have a Dad that likes to rap about bitches and stuff. Big Pimpin yo. Awesome.

    • MG
      0

      Sadly true. And made Billion doing it. Not the best role models, but how many three year olds are out there running around with the name “Beyonce”?

    • Jessica
      +2

      Eh, I think she’ll be fine, or as fine as any kid with famous parents are. They seem really protective of her — they never sold any baby pics to any tabloid, even People, which is VERY rare — and both of them are close to Solange’s son. I have never thought they seemed like bad parents.

      • Edith
        +9

        I have 99 problems with Beyonce’s wardrobe, but the fact that she is now a married mom ain’t one.

        The Nipsy Bling outfit is gross because it’s tasteless and obvious and ugly, not because Bey’s got a child now. I haven’t seen any evidence that she’s a bad mother – certainly the way she DRESSES isn’t proof of any such thing, nor are Jay Z’s lyrics any indication of what kind of a father he is.

  16. pidget
    +1

    She IS beautiful and talented, but these outfits have almost convinced me out of it. These are a mad cry for help – no sane person would want to appear like this except for shock value. Take a break, B, and do something else for a while. You *can* get along on your own very solid merits, and we’ll wait til you’re ready.

    • Julie
      0

      Exactly. It’s all so unnecessary. I really don’t want to see most of her crotch and she really doesn’t need to show us!

      I just feel uncomfortable that someone who’s obviously a great role model for girls in many ways has to then dress like a fame-hungry, talentless starlet who is after the shock value, as you say. Not a good example IMO.

      • Kristin
        0

        Completely agree. She’s talented and beautiful, but these costumes demean her major.

      • annie
        +1

        I’ve never seen her as a role model beyond the basic “she’s worked hard at her chosen career.” The idea of Beyonce as anything more than an average singer and dances escapes me.

  17. Ellelake
    0

    Unnecessarily tasteless. Ubetcha she belongs in Fug Madness.

  18. shadylady
    +2

    I have never thought the woman was all that.

    • Celeste
      0

      Me neither! She has a pleasantly pretty face and a body which some might find sexy, but I think is wildly out-of-proportion and an OK singing voice. Meh.

  19. lanah
    0

    Wow. It’s april and I don’t even think it’s too early to say we might alredy have a 2014 Fug Madness champion. I mean, people will have to SERIOUSLY commit to it to go worse than the sparkly-boob leotard and that much crotch display.

    • SKS
      +2

      If people can see past the vagkin….WAIT, that’s coming across wrong.

      If people can vote for the opponent running against the vagkin offender, then who knows how people will see this. :P

  20. Edith
    +5

    Little-known fact: “Nipsy Bling” was Nipsy Russell’s stage name in his drag act. Not surprisingly, he wore the same outfit Beyonce is sporting in slide 6.

  21. Tiffany
    +1

    I am so used to seeing dancers in leotards that I don’t give a second thought to performers being “pantsless”.

    I am still confused about the boobie outfit…but I do find it kind of interesting that people are so worked up over it even though that costume covers her actual flesh more than the others. The outrage is over faux nudity, an interpretation of female nudity without actually showing it. I think I would rather see that than Rhianna’s lace tube top, but at the end of the day they are both ugly. Hmm.

    • Aphy
      0

      To me, it is tasteless. She is gorgeous, talented and established. I can see her bikini line and that is not a good thing.

    • Imani
      +2

      Yes. It covers more flesh than the others yet she couldn’t leave it there. She had to remind us what was under it in the most garish way possible. Blah.

  22. BrownEyedBetty
    +1

    Like many of you have already stated, I have always found it hard to get onboard the Bey-Train. Just because she behaves like (or her marketing team presents her like) A STAR! doesn’t mean she is one. Her singing voice always sound just on the edge of hysterical to me, for some reason. She’s Too Much. And these costumes are TMI. Just TMI. Anytime you end up with the words “VagiTron” “LabiaLicious” “Vagkin” and “Nipsy Bling” it’s TMI Time.

    And I find myself like that SNL character, “……… Really? “

  23. Bella
    0

    So, so sick of Mrs. Carter. Mr. Carter, too. I wish they would have stayed in Cuba permanently.

  24. S
    +3

    If Blue Ivy is still nursing she’s going to find that last outfit very confusing.

  25. Sajorina
    +2

    The only one that doesn’t bother me is the 2nd one! I hate the rest, especially the last one, which I fear she had custom made! Oh, THE FUGmanity!

    • Sajorina
      0

      I wonder if Pic #3 comes up when you google her waxer or look her/him up on Angie’s List!

      • Kristin
        +1

        At last I understand what CBS meant about not exposing the *puffy* genital region when it issued its Grammy Awards dress code memo.

  26. tigers4us
    0

    OK, I’ve seen enough! Why the extreme hard-sell? And thanks, Heather, for the explanation about performance “costumes” versus non-performance clothes. I had a little difficulty with that until this year’s Fug Madness. The rules/guidelines made it very clear: Would one want to be seen wearing this in public?

  27. googler
    +1

    On the bright side, the waxer looks like they could be one of the few 5 star Yelp Reviews out there.

  28. Ruth
    0

    Are we sure the last outfit isn’t a tribute to our great nighttime predator, the Great Horned Owl?

  29. Art Eclectic
    0

    Imma look forward to seeing that boob bodysuit again next Fug Madness. Over and over and over again as she wins every round with it.

  30. likeitis
    0

    WORST NAME FOR A TOUR EVER. When are women going to start keeping their own names and not needing a husband’s name and a “Mrs.” to validate them?

    • Heather
      +6

      I don’t think that’s fair. You can be Mrs. Husbandsname and not have done it just to be validated. I changed my name when I got married because I liked uniting us and our family under one moniker. It had nothing to do with feminism or me not feeling validated.

      However, I DO feel like Beyonce is doing a LOT of bragging/claiming her territory, which is getting tiresome. And that is my reason for not liking the name.

      • JW
        +1

        I just got divorced and there was NO possibility that I would give up my married (ex-husband’s) last name, for the same reason I took it in the first place. It’s soooooo much easier to spell than the name I was born with. I’m a proud feminist, but felt no more bound to keep my father’s last name than I would have to take my husband’s, if I hadn’t liked it. Everyone has their own reasons.

        I have to say I admire the physical shape Bey is in, and her showing it off in many of these outfits. She looks strong and powerful, like her thighs could crack Jay’s head wide open. I’m going to work on forgetting I ever saw that last outfit, though. I may have to avoid next Fug Madness to prevent re-seeing it.

      • cruzilla
        +3

        Heather, I’m sure this is not the discussion you wanted, but by you saying that “you liked uniting” the family implies that people who don’t change their name are choosing not to unite their family. As you said – totally unfair. My sisters all got married and changed their name, so does that mean that we are no longer a family? Choose your words carefully.

        • Amberoni13
          +5

          I don’t think it’s very fair to use one person’s choice of how to unite their family (Heather changing her last name) to claim that person is poo-pooing other people’s choices as well. I thought Heather was making an excellent defense of her own choice, Beyonce’s choice, and Heather’s own choice of words about Beyonce’s choices. Nobody said anything about your family, anyone else’s family, or anyone else’s choices. Heather very factually stated her reasons for changing her own name – never said word one about other people and their choices or reasons EXCEPT to say that Beyonce, in true B fashion, seemed to be making a choice and then trying too hard.

    • Scanderoon
      0

      Personally, I’m hoping I get to change my name one day because I don’t particularly like my current one. Nothing to do with rejecting my self or my power as a woman or whatever, just… my last name is an aesthetically unappealing word.

      • Edith
        +3

        I think the decision to change her name or not is a woman’s own choice to make. HOWEVER, by naming her tour “Mrs. Carter,” it seems that Beyonce is branding herself as first and foremost “Jay Z’s Wife,” and that does trouble me quite a lot. Names are powerful things, and it’s is strange that a woman who has such a powerful identity of her own is making this kind of public declaration that she is no longer THAT.

        I see both sides of the name argument; I changed my name when I got married, but after 12 years of marriage (and while remaining very married), I legally changed my name back to my maiden name, because the married name never seemed to FIT. To each her own.

        Scanderoon, you could always legally change your name to something more appealing WITHOUT getting married. I highly recommend it – I feel so much better now that I have a name that feels like ME.

      • cruzilla
        +2

        Scanderoon is a GREAT name :)

    • Helen
      +1

      I don’t know Beyoncé, so I don’t know whether or not it’s about validation… but it’s a sad excuse for a tour name regardless. A tour name should sound like a party!

      In this instance, it could be called “Mrs. Carter: Waxed and Boobylicious!”

      Wait, no, that sounds like a porno… ;-)

    • Donna
      +4

      FWIW, both she and Jay legally changed their surnames to Knowles-Carter. That impressed me, that he did that. It’s unusual for the guy to do it.

      But back to the original topic: agree that this is a dreary title for a tour.

  31. esther p.
    0

    yeesh, all of it. ugh.

  32. CopyChic
    0

    Wow, I really wish I could remove my eyeballs, give them a good scrub and begin seeing all for the first time all over again. But then, I’d have to re-see it just to believe someone put this crapotard on their body willingly.

  33. unbounded
    +2

    I thought the comments would be all about the Beyonce/J-Lo pose-off (because that would be amazing and you guys should totally do it) but no. Everyone is just upset that she’s not wearing pants. Well…there aren’t many performers wearing pants these days. I’m not a particular fan (or not-fan) of Beyonce, but the woman is talented and she’s not wearing anything particularly outre for a pop star. Even the revealing cut of the leotards isn’t THAT bad when you consider the pics are taken up close and the costumes are supposed to be seen in a stadium/stage setting.

    Anyway, that said…back to my main point. J-Lo/Beyonce pose-off PLEASE!!?!?!

    • Heather
      +1

      I agree — I don’t care so much about the pantslessness as the tastelessness.

    • Emma
      +3

      “Well…there aren’t many performers wearing pants these days.”

      I think that’s actually what is bothering people. Beyonce is better than Ke$ha and Miley Cyrus. It would be cool if she dressed accordingly.

    • HKS
      +1

      I also came here because I wanted to advocate for a Bey/J.Lo face off comeptition. Face off? Pose off? Whichever one doesn’t imply the Cage/Travolta movie. Whatever it’s called, I really would love to see a side by side fierceness competition between her and J.Lo. Heather, since you brought it up, I don’t think it’s too much for us to ask to see that, right?? :)

  34. Chris P
    +2

    The best part about that rant on Slide 6 is the fact that Beyonce is completely doing a “haters to the LEFT” pose, like she KNEW Heather was going to say exactly that. (To be fair, since this IS Bouncy we’re talking about here, it’s really a “haters to the left, to the left” pose.)

    On slide 2 – J.Lo has the better “DRINK ME IN, LOVERS” body posing, but Beyonce completely destroys her in haireography.

    On all of the slides – I almost want to see hot pants, just for old time’s sake. C’mon, B. Blue Ivy’s grandma needs SOMETHING to do other than knitting toddler-sized booty shorts.

    On the commentariat – can we just talk about the poseoff? Pretty please? (For what it’s worth, Bouncy’s hair doesn’t quite stand up to Jenny’s booty.)

  35. shotgunsnack
    0

    So that last photo of the satyrical boobs? Awesome! How ’bout looking at it as a commentary on the ridiculousness of how women are STILL viewed today, in 2013? srsly yo. get a little feminist, okay?

    • Emma
      0

      Given that she’s showing a lot of flesh in other outfits as well, I don’t think Beyonce is making a statement about how “women are viewed.”

  36. Katie
    +1

    My first thought upon seeing the bedazzled boobsuit in the last slide on another website yesterday was “ooo, I can’t wait to see what the Fug Girls have to say about THIS.”

    My SECOND thought was “this must be some kind of record, finding the new Fug Madness winner barely a week after crowning the last.”

    • Chris P
      0

      To be fair, didn’t Adrienne Bailon wear the infamous vagkin (which, let’s be honest, was the fugliest outfit of the year, full stop) like a WEEK after the 2011 Oscars?

      At the time, I was pretty sure we found this year’s Fug Madness winner before we crowned the winner for 2012. (I was wrong, but I take a fair bit of responsibility for getting her into the play-in.)

  37. Mary
    0

    Sooo… her publicity people were in an uproar over the unflattering Super Bowl photos – but they’re okay with those nipple-encrusted globes?? I don’t get it.

  38. MaggieTheCat
    +1

    I LOVE the bedazzled boobies leotard and I don’t care what anyone says! Haters gonna hate! I think it just shows that she has a sense of humor and doesn’t take herself sooo seriously. I used to be a strongly anti-Beyonce person, but I’ve recently come around after realizing that she is fierce and possible a kook.

    I was just telling my boyfriend yesterday how I’d come around on Beyonce because she is fierce and glamorous like a drag queen. Apparently she’s even more like a drag queen than I realized. In conclusion, it reminds me of old burlesque costumes, and I love it.

  39. Franziska
    +1

    “Argh, I don’t want to breast feed any longer!” Caption for the last picture.

  40. Izalika
    0

    I think the boobysuit alone can take home FM 2014.

  41. Vandalfan
    +2

    LIKE THE THUMBS UP!

    • Helen
      0

      Yes! It’s so nice to have that again. And a wider, threaded format! Attractive, and much easier to follow.

  42. Chris
    +4

    I don’t understand why people are getting so worked up. Beyonce is an artist/entertainer first and foremost. She can’t be compared to Adele who stands there and sings. Beyonce would be torn apart if she did that. Beyonce has been touring since a TEENAGER and has worn a variation of that same bodysuit since I can remember. People are getting upset over bedazzled implied nipples? Is this 1955? The only thing that keeps woman one step behind men are other women. It’s an ugly costume plain and simple. No need to talk about integrity.

  43. Caroline Cuneo Killeen
    0

    I actually yelped WHOA! when the blingnippleleotard slide came up. just WHOA