Author Archives: Heather

Fuggidly Nicole: Nicole Richie in Blumarine


Nicole needs a bracelet.

Nicole Richie

In the sense that if she had a bracelet, she could incinerate the rest of it and start fresh with that as her building block.

[Photo: Getty]

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Well Played, Zoe Saldana in Altuzarra


She seems so happy to be pregnant — seriously, she smiled before, but I don’t feel like we ever saw so many teeth as we are lately.

Zoe Saldana

She looks so great in this, too. The cut of it suggests that it’s a Regular Lady Dress that she’s using as maternity — the bust sits a smudge too high, right? – but I’m all for that. If it’s true that she’s pregnant with twins, I have BEEN THERE, and I applaud her for making this work so well because it is a huge self-esteem boost when you can do it. I had a friend who insisted I’d be in Crocs and Birkenstocks the whole time, and I DID NOT. I proudly wore heels right up until the day I went into labor, as if it were some dumb badge of honor. You take the victories where you can. So who cares where this is sitting on her chest, because she is gorgeous and glowing and BABIES! and I hope someday she can wear this again with a belt and a giant hat when she takes her kid(s) to a polo match or the beach or… anywhere. And if not, the line forms to the left of me for her “maternity” hand-me-downs.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power(suit) Ranking, season 6, episode 4


How much do you want to bet that The Good Wife hopes Julianna Margulies will call her old pal Intern George and solicit a cameo from Amal Alamuddin? She and Alicia could powersuit the HELL out of it together.

13. Diane & Cary

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This shot is apt for how these two functioned this week: largely in tandem, neither in stark relief. They’re here to give information only: The State’s Attorney’s office subpoenaed Lemond Bishop’s business records on some trumped-up tax charge — well, it IS the town that got Al Capone for something similar — and are hoping Florrick Agos Lockhart will comply, because it’ll set a precedent Daniel Castro and Finn can use against them in Cary’s criminal trial. They’re basically calling to ask Alicia for advice, even, as if she’s the big boss. Might as well write the word “Power” on a piece of paper, wrap it up in an old Marshall Fields box, and give it to her with a note that says, “Be my guest.”

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“Mr. Bishop, I don’t have much to do this week, so excuse me if I forego the jewelry. It’s not worth it.”

This is from Diane’s and Cary’s other moment. They flank Alicia, putting her thusly front and center, during an awkward conversation in which she tells Lemond Bishop they need to stop representing him. I don’t think Alicia told them that it’s because she’s arranging deck chairs on the Titanic of her candidacy (in the sense that even if she wins, I Have Great Concerns); she’s pinning it on conflict of interest, which I’m sure Diane and Cary welcomed, because it means Daniel Castro can’t manipulate them as much. But in this chess game, right this second, they’re the pawns and Saint Alicia is the queen. And Bishop is the bishop, just for synergy purposes and because he’s really good at making diagonal moves that still keep him going forward.

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Diane is all about the patterns this week. Maybe because she didn’t seem certain either way what to do — obey the subpoena, or fight it — and so the swirls reflect her roiling mental state. Or, she just thinks they’re pretty. Sometimes a pattern is just a pattern.

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Well Played, Amal Alamuddin Clooney


It seems on her official website Amal has changed her name to Clooney. I actually don’t generally care one way or the other what people do with their surnames after marriage, as long as it’s what’s right for them and their family. But in this specific case, I HAD sort of hoped she would be like, “Thanks, Intern George, but I already had this thing on lock without you.”

Edited to add: This link about what she’s doing in Greece is lifted from the comments. She’s working for Greece in its fight to get the Elgin Marbles — fifth-century antiquities that were part of the Parthenon – returned there from the U.K. That sounds like an extremely fun day job. I would LOVE to fight with people over who gets the awesome art. Joint custody, anyone?

[Photos: Getty, Splash, AKM-GSI]

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Fug the Bangs (And Other Stuff): Beyonce


Blue Ivy’s safety scissors couldn’t cut butter, but apparently they CAN cut bangs. A beytrayal of the highest order.

[Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet]

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Carefully Played: Jennifer Lawrence in Christian Dior


Remember when Kristen Stewart returned to the red carpet post-Rupert Saunders with a dress that screamed, “I CARE NOTHING FOR YOUR JUDGMENTS”? There is a part of me that wishes Jennifer Lawrence had come out swinging after the nude-photo incident, and worn something that flipped the bird to both the gross perpetrators of that crime AND the people who acted like the real crime was her being naked (I mean, yeah, not taking nude photos is probably the most prudent choice for a celebrity, but nobody else has a right to them, and people need to leave others’ private stuff the hell alone).

Having said that:

Jennifer Lawrence at premiere of Serena

I think this is pretty good — it’s got a sliver of sex appeal, but it’s also streamlined and chic, and avoids being stodgy. Dior has done SO MUCH WORSE by her that I’m relieved to see they all got this one right. Even the shoes work. Could they be saucier? Yes. But as black pumps go, those are beautifully shaped, and are such a welcome break from the whole platform/round toe/hoof aesthetic that I’m almost misty-eyed.

So, I’m torn. I would hate it if this staid outing is because anyone made J.Lawr think she needed to play it safe. But maybe she just FELT like playing it safe because she’s tired of everyone wailing about how the marriage between her and Dior is an unholy union of atrocious taste. And THEN I started wondering if she’s paranoid that Gwyneth Paltrow and the GOOP Army is out to get her for hooking up with Chris Martin — I read a Blind Item the other day that implied she’s getting detailed instructions from Gwyneth all about how to handle their children, right down to how much and what kinds of food they are allowed to eat – and thus might be going out of her way to look super respectable for THAT. And THEN THEN I got mad at GOOP for that even though I’m partially inventing it, because it has The Ring of Truth, and that made me come back around to wishing she were wearing something that tried to out-Paltrow La Paltrow. And then my tiny brain lost half its cells to an explosion and now I sort of wish she were in a sparkly minidress like the way it looked in the ORIGINAL Star Wars when the first Death Star blew to smithereens.

All of which is to say that I both like this and wish she were in something fresher. I can feel both those things at the same time, right?

RIGHT?

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[Photo Getty]

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