Author Archives: Heather

WTF: Lea Michele

My calendar tells me its not Halloween yet.

Lea Michele

So why is Lea Michele’s pelvis in costume as paper grocery bag? Was this a Come As Your Favorite Recyclable party?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fugs and Fabs: The War Dogs Premiere

I am skeptical of this movie. Which is neither here nor there, but it had to be said.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


What the Fugs: Various Kardashian/Jenners

It’s amazing to me that a family that CONSTANTLY discusses its weight and fitness does not also understand the logic of “JUST GO UP A SIZE. NOBODY WILL KNOW BUT YOU.”

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


WTF: Ariel Winter

Ariel. My dear. I know you are at some kind of pool party, which appears to be sponsored by my all-time favorite game, Uno.

Ariel Winter

But my dear, auditions for Team Kardashian are closed, kid. We have enough of them. There is no room at the Calabasas Inn. So this is one Wild card I would not have played.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fug the Cover: Gwen Stefani on Cosmopolitan

Well, the fonts and colors are better, and there is a merciful lack of dumb pandering slang or emojis.

Gwen Stefano on Cosmo, Sept 2016

But Cosmo did more interesting work with the photos inside the magazine. You could plug Carrie Underwood in here and be like, “Okay, sure, still makes sense,” which is not something I have ever said about anything Gwen-related before; further, something about the stiff facial pose will only exacerbate people’s concerns that Gwen has been tinkering with her face. This feels a bit too much like Homogenized And Partly Frozen Gwen Stefani With Bonus Fishnets, and I wish for more.

[Photo: Cosmo]


Fug or Fine: Katherine Heigl at TCAs

I had TOTALLY forgotten about Katherine Heigl being pregnant until I saw this photo. That’s very exciting for her; I’m sure it’s frustrating to have that happen right when you’re also trying to get a new show off the ground, but I’m sure she’d also be the first to agree that those are some fairly Champagne problems.

Katherine Heigl

But I still can’t figure out how she went from spunky Izzie Stevens to always looking like she’s the old-fashioned First Lady of a Southern state. Or an elderly patron of the arts who’s hoping to have a glass of Champagne with the ballet company’s hot new soloist. I don’t mean that she looks old facially or anything like that; I am talking about her aura. The haircut, the styling, the lazy shoes, and the effect all those things have on the perceived freshness of her fashion choices… she leapt from 32 to 52 one day and never found her way back. Which likely means that when she IS 52, she will look 52 until she is 92. (Also, her face is giving me major Sela Ward vibes in this photo, which is extremely good news for her 52-year old destiny because Sela Ward is still flawless.) But in the meantime it’s like Katherine is twiddling her thumbs waiting to ripen to the age her spirit has always wanted to be. It’s fascinating, albeit also confusing. Most of us cling to our youth like grim death — I mean, Gwen Stefani still dresses like she’s 23. In truth, if I had to pick, I think I’d go with the Heigl approach. At least she’s headed in the direction that Mother Time is naturally moving her.

This was a weird post. I blame Delta. I was supposed to fly home with the boys on Monday, but several cancellations and one refusal to seat us together later, we are finally back; at the time that I wrote this, though, that issue was still in doubt. So if I seem overly intolerant of Katherine Heigl looking less like the vibrant actress she is and more like a society dame who was once hired to teach Jessica Simpson posture and elocution, well, that’s why.

[Photo: Getty]


What the Hmm: Chris Pine

I am learning a LOT about Chris Pine in this photo.

Chris Pine

One is that he might be a budding gangster and/or casino hustler from 1974. Another is that if you told me he was playing a young Clark Griswold, I’d believe you, because this seems EXACTLY like something Chevy Chase’s Clark would have kept in his closet and then worn again in 1992 and not realized it wasn’t still groovy and happenin’ and totally boss. The third is that he dresses right, and the fourth… pertains to the third and goes without saying, and is a lot more information that I anticipated getting this afternoon. On that note, it’s clearly acceptable to stare if we just call it learning.

[Photo: Getty]