American Fugdol

It’s barely 2013 and I am already tired of Nicki Minaj.

Like, have you seen the new American Idol posters? They are so bizarre. Not because Nicki is dressed like an evil nun or anything — she sort of looks like a deranged cruise director, but that seems about right — but because the lineup of Randy Jackson, Mariah, Nicki Minaj, and poor Keith Urban just looks WEIRD. Every time I see it, I feel like I accidentally got sucked into an alternate universe.  Who would have predicted that, of the original judges’ panel, RANDY would be the one who lasted the longest? Or that Mariah Carey would decide to go get a day job instead of just wandering around her giant penthouse condo feeding her fishes and working out on the Stairmaster in heels? Or that Nicki Minaj would agree to hang out with Mariah all day? Or that Keith Urban was so competitive with Blake Shelton? I worry about Keith. I think this whole set-up is going to make Keith miserable. I hope that being the meat in a Mariah/Minaj sandwich doesn’t drive Keith back to the bottle.

That being said, when I originally saw this picture over the break, it was accompanied by a headline reading, WHAT IS NICKI MINAJ WEARING? and I naturally assumed she was out in costume as an unusually sparkly dolphin or some shit. Comparatively speaking, this is practically normal! SURE, her nipples are one deep breath away from making a run for it, but she is serving some Kelly Rowland Realness with those bangs, and who doesn’t love an aggressive epaulet during the holidays? Everyone really WAS on vacation last week.

[Photo: Pac Coast News]

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Comments (12):

  1. Stefanie

    Oh hey, I have that Spanx top and power panties! Stars: They’re just like us.

  2. cam

    Tired of Nicki Minaj? The real question is when were you all, “I need MORE of this delightful, well dressed lady named Nicki Minaj.”

  3. Helen

    It’s going to be Randy Jackson, Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, and Keith Urban?

    *scratching head*

    You know, I might tune in for an episode just because it’s so WEIRD.

    • Aj

      I don’t think you’ll miss much by skipping it — Minaj was on Kelly & Michael last week and she turns out to be boring almost beyond the telling of it … hard to tell if it’s total apathy or an almost complete absorption in herself. The drawl she affected was both strange and off-putting.

      • Helen

        Oh I don’t expect any of the people themselves to be interesting.

        But the juxtaposition, that kinda is.

  4. glee

    OMG, I think Kimye have already spawned sometime in their last lives, and NM is their offspring. So that’s what’s in store for us in 2013. I quit now.

  5. Scouse Helen

    I’m not sure where ths was taken, but in ths country January is not traditionally the best time to be smuggling melons.

  6. sadie-ann

    The judges line up constantly makes me want to sing ‘one of these things is not like the other’.

    Just looking at that outfit makes my chest hurt.

  7. la di da

    She looks like a dominatrix moonlighting as a football player.

  8. Vandalfan

    Lil’ Kim did this much better.

  9. Jules


  10. Kris

    We have never watched AI… and we saw a commercial for it last night and my husband remarked, “Hmmm, it would seem the AI is becoming more about the weird judges than the talent.” While Paula was certifiably strange, and I loved your recaps of her, it was never about HER. Now it seems like it’s just performance “art” for celebrities looking for a reboot… hopefully, this is the death knell of the 2000′s version of Star Search (though I always loved that show).