Fug Madness 2019, Round One: Katy Perry Looked Worse Than You Remembered

First! A word about the rules: The photos we show aren’t the ONLY ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2018, all the way through the Oscars that just finished (so, March 6, 2018, to Feb 26, 2019). Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Vote on any device, as often as you want to or can. Do you need a refresher on how this works? The Fug Madness FAQ is here for you.

PSA: Click on the name of the match-up and you will be taken to it directly. In this round:

(6) Jackie Cruz v. (11) Christina Hendricks  . (3) Tessa Thompson v. (14) Rosamund Pike . (7) Teyana Taylor v. (10) Nafessa Williams . (2) Katy Perry v. (15) Rachel Weiz

Note: The hyperlinks on each person’s name will take you to their archives for further research, should you need it!

(6) JACKIE CRUZ v. (11) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS

I feel like I could just post this photo and this photo ONLY of Jackie Cruz for this match-up and it would still be competitive. It’s THAT BAD:

It is also HILARIOUS and I appreciate that. She’s kind of a chameleon, and she’s always a hoot. (Also, I need to know: Is it just me, or does she look like Kris Jenner here?)  She’s had a year that I can truly only describe as…Liza Minnelli inspired? Like, this just needs a top hat:

Just add jazz hands! I feel like Liza with a Z would also really dig this jumpsuit and perhaps already owns it:

We’re sincerely VERY close to an amazing dance number in this little number:

And this is what we would have seen had Liza taken on the Natalie Portman role in Black Swan:

‘Twas also a season of GREAT volume for Jackie. This is really funny. It’s sincerely like a duvet:

And this is a FABRIC EXPLOSION:

(Please note the clear plastic shoes!)

Is it weird that I think that polka dot number might look kinda good on La Hendricks? It might be livelier than this, anyway:

That was….not good. At all.

Neither was this, which involved…arm skirts AND a waist skirt that was not actually…an actual skirt?

On the other hand, this was SO CUTE but it’s also just got her ENTIRE BRA popping out of the top. This is also really cute, but her boobs are MAKING A RUN.

This is very Ado Annie:

Before we vote, I need to note that I think Hendricks looks just like Sharon Lawrence here and we might need a TV show where they play relatives. Someone, please take that under advisement.

(3) TESSA THOMPSON v. (14) ROSAMUND PIKE

You guys. Tessa wore some STUFF this year — hence her very high seed. I wrote the original post for this look, and it was basically just wordless screaming and you know what? I fully stand by that:

It’s really a treat. Tessa TRIES stuff. It’s true that it doesn’t always work. Remember that time she wore a purse as a necklace? Or this really boring Chanel tulle tube (say “tulle tube” ten times fast). Or this objectively BONKERS Thom Browne outfit? (I blame alleged Tessa girlfriend Janelle Monae for this one. J’accuse, Janelle!!)

PANTS SHOULD NOT HAVE GARTERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM. I feel comfortable yelling that. Speaking of comfortable….this was EXTREMELY VOLUMINOUS. I actually really liked that, but it’s for sure extreme. This also falls into the category of Extreme But Maybe Good:

It’s like…take a giant set of curtains, and make it TUDOR FASHION. (Those shoes make me want to stab myself in the neck with a fork, though.)

Tessa was really ALL in on volume this year:

But it wasn’t just giant fancy sacks and formal curtains. We also had this dramatic, bra-tastic deployment of the sheers:

And that time she wore an old khaki slipcover I once owned.

So Tessa had a strong showing this year. But Rosamund can hang, and she generally did it in Givenchy (though there was that time she wore a Hermes bag), and with a LOT of Fashion Ab Windows. (Including underneath her actually great jacket at the Golden Globes.) This is just confusing:

And this started off AMAZING and then took a terrible tragic turn:

This was amazing but ALSO crazy? And if we want her to be in a film with Tessa, she can show up as the ladies maid to her Tudor-curtain wearing duchess in the following:

This is like a sartorial salute to icicles:

Whereas this was kind of just….boring?

It’s TIME:

(7) TEYANA TAYLOR v. (10) NAFESSA WILLIAMS

Let me be honest: I think this match-up is gonna be CLOSE, and I think Nafessa maybe should have been a higher seed this year than she is. (Although traditionally the ten spot match-up has a stronger contender than might be anticipated.) She is ADORABLE and she wears crazy stuff (and therefore I truly do love her). Like, this is a great color and it’s too big on her. This is also a great color and yet a weird shape? (It might ALSO be too big.) This ALSO doesn’t fit Nafessa. Does Nafessa not quite understand her own human size?

Teyana, on the other side, is fully aware of her EXTREMELY BANGIN’ BODY and I cannot blame her for basically always wearing a crop top:

I can blame her for those….hip waders? I don’t even know what to call those. Full-leg warmers? Whatever they are, they’re an experience!

Here’s some more abs:

Yet more abs from Teyana, with a side of leather bike shorts:

It’s a veritable ab parade, though I am more offended by her shoes/pants hem situation here:

Also mildly offended by the very concept of these neon lace pants, tbh:

She really leaned into this look for the Versace show:

Nafessa presented a more varied sartorial palate this year. In addition to the pieces I linked above, we’ve also got her in…well, also abs, at first. But ALSO these PANTS:

She is VERY cute and this sort of feels like her personal salute to Janelle Monae? It takes a lot to pull off that level of Janelle sais quoi, and also this fabric makes her dress look a tiny bit like it’s made of flowers? (Janelle Monae SHOULD have a Rose Bowl float, though).

If Teyana had hip-waders, then are these….elbow waders? This entire match-up has a lot of unusual use of fabric on people’s major joints:

This is just kind of….everything? I don’t mean that in a “she…is….everything!!!” internet speak, although I do like Nafessa. It’s more like it’s LITERALLY got everything on it:

She too had a sheer moment:

I have to say, I’m not even sure which of these women I’m going to vote for. But a choice must be made!

(2) KATY PERRY v. (15) RACHEL WEISZ

You guys, Katy Perry looked insane this year. I had forgotten a lot of this and IT WAS BAD. She really leaned into color toward the end of her eligibility period, in a way that was fun but also occasionally bad? There was a whole period where she seemed mostly to be dressing like Dorinda from RHoNY.  And she totally was overwhelmed by this Elie Saab. This was positively Seussian:

And it was WORSE from the side.

She rang in the new year dressed as a football. (Seriously. Well. Not as seriously as Katy Perry might dress as a football, but pretty close.) I spent a LOT of time trying to figure out if this next look was a Halloween costume and came up to the tragic conclusion that it was not:

She also wore not one but TWO looks that prominently featured wings. This, and then this:

And, finally, of course, there was THIS:

I feel like….she could make a strong Fug Madness run on just that alone.

Let us turn to Rachel, who ALSO wore something that looked as if it could just be wiped down with a damp sponge:

I feel like Katy Perry might actually WEAR this, is which is not something I thought I’d ever say about Rachel Weisz:

And this would fit into Katy’s Angel Wings trend fairly well, too:

And let’s close out this moment with these bonkers crazy sleeves:

They’ve very Tragic Medieval Nun Reflects Sadly On Her Past Mistakes. Which, in fairness, is a look Katy Perry ALSO might dig.