Fug Madness 2018, Round 1: In Which Rookie Anya Taylor-Joy Takes On Veteran Katy Perry

The rules: The photos we show are NOT the only ones in consideration; just a representative sample of everything worn from after the Oscars in 2017, all the way through the Oscars that just finished (so, March 2, 2017, to March 5, 2018). Polls close after roughly 24 hours. Consider the entire body of work, as much as you can — we provide links, including to each celeb’s archive — and then vote on any device, as often as you want to or can.  The Fug Madness FAQ is also here for you if you need it. Below, click on the name of the matchup you want and you’ll jump to it directly.

(2) Rita Ora vs. (15) Tracee Ellis Ross · (3) Katy Perry vs. (14) Anya Taylor-Joy · (6) Nicole Kidman vs. (11) Jennifer Lawrence · (7) Ciara vs. (10) Dascha Polanco

(2) RITA ORA vs. (15) TRACEE ELLIS ROSS

Rita Ora may be inching into the “cheerfully, likably wacky fug” category, but fug is fug is fug, and she’s certainly still deploying it. Just look to the graphic atop this post for proof: She wore a bathrobe and a towel on the red carpet, and not in a way that suggested she forgot she had this event until she was in the middle of a shower.

This is like the formal feather-and-fringe-string version of that ensemble:

Oh, Rita. She LOVES a costume. Like that one time she dressed like she was on a Burberry safari, or as a sofa from the 1970s, or when she wore a veil. (That’s not even the only veil you’ll see in today’s matchups.)

And of course, there’s full-body pleather with giant pockets:

I’m starting to think she just really loves a theme. If that one is “Britney in ‘Oops I Did It Again’ But With Lots of Places To Smuggle A Huge Titanic Necklace,” then this one is… denim cheerleader?

Three cheers for laces! Give us an L! An A! Etc. She also did full-body brown crocheted stuff, and an all-red number that’s basically an evening gown over loose-fitting pants.

Even when Rita keeps it more traditional, as she did at the Grammys in a glam black evening gown, there is always something:

It is a BAD SIGN when you need to hold your dress over your vagina. Then again, I’m surprised she bothered; Rita has never been that shy. You will really want to click on this photo on the Getty Images site, where she’s basically wearing underpants under a lace sheath. And then there’s the main reason she received such a high seeding:

You can see it from the front, too, but for shock value it’s all pretty much right there.

Spoiler: Tracee Ellis Ross does not show her thong. A lot of the time, she looks really zesty and cool, hence her substantially lower ranking despite being very famous. However, she is not afraid of a little visible bra, and she’s definitely on board with side abs.  So much so that she showed them twice; I think this version is worse.

Actually, speaking of bras, though, I just realized you can see hers here:

Although there is plenty else to distract the eye. Tracee loves a vibrant array of colors, but the designs themselves are often pretty questionable.

It needs a hoik, it did NOT need to be a tube top, and the pink satin boots are… rather Extra. As is this:

When you have THAT much fabric, why only use it on one side of the skirt?

Other times, Tracee saves her use of color for her mouth, and garbs the rest of herself like a sister-wife:

And then there’s the time she and her stylist wore matching (unflattering) tracksuits. She is fearless. So is Rita. Check out their archives — Tracee’s is here; this is Rita’s — and then answer that most vexing of questions:

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(3) KATY PERRY vs. (14) ANYA TAYLOR JOY

This is fun: a relative newbie up against a total stalwart contender. Anya Taylor-Joy’s most notable role to date, I think, was in that creepy James McAvoy-multiple-personality movie Split. Arguably her most notable outfit is that time she went to the BAFTAs dressed like she is already striving to reboot Reign.

Indeed, Anya is no wallflower where the sheers are concerned. She popped by Cannes in some dramatic white wedding pizza:

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And then there was this kelly green version:

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Even her face looks like she’s about to stick out her tongue at all those ruffles. And let us not forget the dismal tutu she sported for another BAFTAs shindig:

In related news, I now want to open a speakeasy called The Dismal Tutu.

Katy Perry’s arsenal is a tad larger. But is it as dramatic? Let’s investigate. First, she wore a Chanel suit with astronauts all over it RIGHT before she was announced as the VMAs host. Accident, or synergy? Her history with Chanel is pretty checkered, actually, given that she also wore a sports bra with a sheer blouse over it at one of Karl’s parties.

And what did Stella give her?

Yes, that’s right. A bag. A giant red ruffled bag. Lazily designed, and yet willingly worn. Well, maybe it was unwilling. I don’t know what kind of power Stella is wielding. You would have to have some pretty major blackmail photos of me to get me into that.

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I don’t even know what that suit is about, unless the Harlequin publishing company has started making suits.

This just cracks me up:

She looks like she once fell down a Sally Jessy Raphael wormhole on YouTube, didn’t sleep or see another modern-day human for 72 hours, and then went out to lunch.

Let us also not forget the Margiela she wore to the Rei Kawakubo-themed Met Gala — admittedly a theme that invites craziness, but this was such a hot mess she could barely see or move in it.

This is what regrets look like. But the big dog is what she — again, presumably voluntarily — changed into for the after-party.

That’s so bad it ALMOST looks like it could be a Yeezy design. Sorry-not-sorry, Kanye. You know it’s true.

Archives: Katy Perry, Anya Taylor-Joy

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(6) NICOLE KIDMAN vs. (11) JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Assuming the mere existence of season 2 doesn’t already vault Big Little Lies over the shark, I’ve decided J.Law should push it over the chopping jaws of doom by popping by for season three as Nicole’s long-lost half-sister. Let’s just REALLY rack up the production costs, and besides, Jennifer needs some prestige stuff after mother! and Red Sparrow. It would make for a juicy press tour, also. That show has given us so very much of Nicole Kidman to enjoy and simultaneously shriek about, like when she wore a fussy black piece of sadness to the Globes, and a divisive brown glittery number to the SAGs. But let us not forget how she completed awards season:

I will only accept that if it’s an actual table and people could rest their cocktails or snack plates on her bow.

Nic does love a bit of oddly placed fuss, like the feather skirt on this that starts a tad low. And this Rodarte is basically ALL oddness, and fuss:

The things designers give to this woman. Look what Calvin Klein proffered — and which she ACCEPTED:

Keep the shoes and return the rest, Nicole. WITH some stale popcorn from the show, which is probably lurking around in the folds of your purse somewhere.

Her taste in fabrics does not generally mesh with mine — witness this stretchy pink velvet number — and neither does her taste in decals:

THIS thing turns into a high-fashion toilet seat liner:

And who could forget — other than me; I totally did forget — that time she wore a semi-sheer corset:

“My nipples are leaking tar,” this says, which is now obviously my fashion philosophy also.

J.Law and Nicole did each wear tall black boots this year — Jennifer’s in a slightly less contemporary, more Job Interview In 1997 kind of way, whereas Nicole’s felt more like she wanted to use them to walk all over your privates. Jennifer also joined Nic in wearing a questionable bodice:

That is a LOT of Dior-sponsored underboob, Jennifer. The full view is here, and it’s better when you can’t tell how much of her is visible, but… you know. As Jess noted in the post, it looks like she’d gotten obsessed with Outlander.

You know what, I could have photoshopped Kidman’s face onto this picture and I think everyone would have bought it. (Leaving aside that I am not good enough at that to pull it off.) This is absolutely something she would have looked at at least twice, and here it is on Jennifer. Maybe they SHOULD play sisters.

That’s just sort of… sad, and drab. She also looked uncomfortable in the boxy black BAFTA gown she wore, which a lot of you really did NOT like. She also drizzled herself in metallic Versace strings for a mother! event. That’s the world’s most expensive cobweb.

And we should not forget the bare Versace she wore to a cold outdoor photocall, both reminiscent of Elizabeth Hurley’s safety-pin gown (minus the pins), and which cause her to unleash some very angry defenses of her choice to wear it. It’s rare that someone as famous as she is claps back that hard at the fashion critics. For the record, I still stand by that it would’ve been better at a fancier nighttime event, but I’m glad she has no regrets.

I wonder if one reason she got so defensive is that it was her only chance to wear it, because Dior had her handcuffed with all her other events. And that might make a girl a wee resentful, because that leads to being handed things like this:

The expression in her eyes? I share it.

Archives: Jennifer Lawrence, Nicole Kidman

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(7) CIARA vs. (10) DASCHA POLANCO

Ciara spent half the year with a newborn, so she didn’t have as much time to build up an arsenal. But what she did wear was so familiar. We gave her this high seeding in part because everything she wears feels like she has learned NO lessons from the heinousness of the past. Raise your hand if you could have predicted this:

My hand, for the record, is way up in the air. Partly because we’d seen this same theme in other Fug Madness campaigns, and partly because we’d seen this same theme already in THIS one:

She is, at the very least, absolutely consistent. (And, pregnant again.)

This also feels like pure, obvious Ciara at work:

And ditto:

So it’s a small arsenal, but boy, is it exactly what you would conjure if you closed your eyes and thought, “Okay, predict the next four outfits Ciara will wear.” I might NOT have predicted the denim suit, but it’s not great.

Dascha was NOT absent the whole year, although she didn’t hit the red carpets as often either. But when she did, she made it count.

Psst. Dascha. I am not a doctor, but I am confident your navel has an eye disease.

This is just depressing.

Making the mono-bag-sleeve work is some seriously advanced science — to the point where even Zendaya did not win universal raves for it.

However, the following is an outfit I did not know existed until I was doing research for this post. Being totally honest, it might’ve gotten her a higher seeding. It is… something:

“Big deal,” you might be thinking. “I’ve seen its kind before.”

You sure about that?

Archives: Ciara, Dascha

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[Photos: Getty, Backgrid, WENN, InstarImages.com, Rex/Shutterstock]