Fug File: Nylon

Well Played Cover: Winona Ryder on Nylon, September 2016


I mean, this might be my favorite cover that Nylon has ever done:

Nylon September 2016 Winona Ryder

I kind of want to frame it. It’s got so much personality — and god knows, it’s nice to see such a direct nod to how much Nylon has been influenced by the zines of the 90s (and the Sassy aesthetic). The picture isn’t perfect, but it feels very genuine, and that’s so much better. Just the other day, I was thinking about how Winona getting caught shoplifting was SUCH a huge deal at the time — her trial was the leading story on the nightly local news here in Los Angeles — but if someone as talented as she is did that today, it would probably be little more than a blip in their week. Whether that’s a good thing or not, of course, is up for debate. It was obviously a rock-bottom moment for Winona, and she’s said it saved her life — she was depressed, suffered from anxiety, and was using drugs prescribed by a doctor who was notorious in Los Angeles for being a pill-pusher. (I remember when this whole thing went down, my friend Victoria — she’s the one who was Fabio’s PR person when he was hit in the fact by a bird — scoffed when she heard who the doctor was. “Oh, HIM. There’s a reason everyone calls him Dr. Feelgood,” she said.) Which, I suppose, just goes to show that you never know how things are going to end up working out. Either way, I’ve missed Winona terribly, and if she’s having a Winonaissance, I am here for it. Wino, as they say, forever.

[Photo: Nylon/Ash Kingston]

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Fug the Cover: Maisie Williams on Nylon


I get this. It’s supposed to recall the zines of the 90s, especially in the sense that the photo looks as if it’s been cut and pasted — literally. The way we literally used to have to cut things out and paste them onto other things. Kids, you don’t even KNOW.

Maisie-Williams--Nylon-Magazine-2016--03

The reason I get it is because I lived through the early 90s. And while I did not personally read a lot of zines –  procuring them seemed like a lot of work, and I’ve always been in favor of having things just arrive at my home, which is why I am such good friends with my UPS guy — I did live very close to a Penny Lane, and also I read Sassy and also I went to a school where plenty of girls spent a lot of time wearing Doc Martens and talking about Earth Day, so I am very familiar with this particular retro milieu. (For example, I could expound at length about that time Sonic Youth gave Sassy a recipe for tacos using butter and canned tuna, a recipe so bizarre and memorable that I have never forgotten it, and it’s been TWENTY YEARS.) So I FEEL THIS. However, my own personal Old Lady Instinct is that, now, in 2016, this sort of intentionally home-made look only really works if the person in question looks super dynamic in her cut-and-pasted photo, and slack-jawed Maisie Williams in her underpants feels a little more blank than she ought to. I have to think she pulled this cover out of the mailbox and thought, “THAT photo? Really? Okay, then!” I get what they were going for, but I think the place they landed turned out to be more blow-up-doll-adjacent than was intended — in a way that I don’t think fits either her or the publication.

On the other hand, I’m also not the demographic for this sort of thing at all anymore, so what do I know? Well, wait. I do know one thing: regardless of the rest of this cover, that sweater is cute.

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Kristen Stewart on Nylon


K. Stew has gotten a LOT of covers lately. And I can’t say she’s not working them. This one is pretty good, right?

kristen-stewart-nylon-september-cover

I mean, yes, that tee shirt looks like you accidentally threw it into the dryer with a packet of razors, but the blazer is great and I feel like she’s FINALLY figured how what to do with her face on these things. Maybe the haircut just makes her feel more like herself, but while this photo would be weird if you ran across it on, say, InStyle, to me it feels bang-on correct for Nylon.

[Photo: Nylon]

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Fug the Cover: Lea Michele


It’s not her fault. But I CAN’T EVEN.

Is it weird that I would be more on board with this if she were actually wearing an actual cat costume? Is is also weird that the shorts, and the eyeliner, bother me more than the cat ears? Does it make a difference if I tell you that I wear a knit cap in winter sometimes that HAS little cat ears knitted on the top of it? But that actually that cap — which I love — sort of makes me look like I’m wearing a very subtle knit Batman cap, which is a thing I think almost everyone ought to do, because Batman is awesome? And that said Batman toque is literally the only thing I’ve ever worn that has caused New Yorkers to do a double take, like, have have you seriously never seen a girl in knit cap that sort of subtly  looks like Batman’s cowl, fools? This is New York city. There is a woman over there dressed like Jesus. (No one cares when I wear this hat in Los Angeles.) Also: what the hell am I even talking about? Oh, right: if we’re all supposed to start wearing that makeup now…well, I guess I just got back twenty minutes of eye makeup removal time every night before bed. I plan to use it to fight crime. Obviously.

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Fug the Nylon Party


Nobody brings out a middling array of Young Hollywood types in awkward clothes quite like Nylon.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Dianna Agron


I suppose I can’t quibble too much with how unlike herself Dianna looks, since the cover basically says this issue is an homage to the sixties.

It is still sort of strange to pick a cover subject and then render them unrecognizable to anyone taking a passing glance at the newsstand, but at least ’60s-Dianna looks like Twiggy, which would probably work to make most people do a double-take and then be like, “Oh, it’s the girl from Glee,” and then somehow during that person’s 20-minute internal monologue about whether any of the changes they make to Glee each season ever actually improve it, that person may find that he or she has — in a fugue state — purchased the issue (or shoplifted it, I suppose, but we don’t condone thievery unless it’s of our hearts, ahem, Pacey). The outfit too seems like an appropriately 2011 spin on the ’60s — which is to say, the ’60s by way of the ’80s and the Ice Capades. And finally, I have to give props to Nylon for “Makeup to wake up in,” because even though none of us are supposed to go to bed with full face on, I think we can all admit we’ve done that more than thrice, and possibly always. So at least they’re catering to what a girl really needs, which is almost always “six glasses of water and a coma,” rather than “ten minutes in front of the bathroom mirror taking a blurry swipe at her makeup with some Ponds.”

So in sum: I didn’t think I liked this at first, but now I’m wondering if it’s actually thematically effective. As a random cover? Crazy. As the cover of their I Love The ’60s issue? Maybe actually kind of okay.

And the only thing that could logically follow that kind of a milquetoast endorsement is a poll.

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Fug the Cover: Emily Browning


Nylon magazine wants to celebrate the 263 ways you can be beautiful.

Here is a sneak peek at some of them:

#14: Always make sure people know where your breasts are

#18: Any shirt that makes your nipples look like they have been filleted and then blown up is a shirt you must own

#76: Menstrual diapers always go over your tights. Trust!

#121: You can’t spell “panties” without “spite.”

#202: Pants? HA!

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