Fug File: ANTM

Eva “Marcille” Pigfugd


I can’t believe I missed this last week.

There are pieces of cool here: I see potential in the shoulder area, and there might have been SOMETHING on the skirt if it didn’t have those saggy hip pockets. But that’s not illusion netting; that’s delusion netting. Might as well just stick your torso in some panty-hose and call it clothes. Parenthetically, how hilarious is it that Eva — whose hair has never quite worked ever since Tyra chopped it off and bleached it those eons ago — is now hosting Oxygen’s hair battle show? The first challenge should be her head.

 

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Tyra Banks


So, my early prediction is this: There will be a photo shoot on this fall’s America’s Next Top Model All “Stars” Edition that very conveniently dovetails with the publication of Tyra’s young adult novel, Modelland (the excerpt of which reads like the His Dark Materials books if they sniffed glue and had an orgy with Gossip Girl and The Hunger Games). In fact, it may already be going on:

Not long before wearing this, TyTy showed up on GMA wearing a “smize” (smile with your eyes) over her eye — or at least, that’s what we’re told it was, and that makes sense to us, because it paradoxically makes so LITTLE sense (how can one wear an eye-smile OVER one’s eye?). And then she lubed up and poured herself into this jumpsuit that makes her boobs look like they have a very angry blonde unibrow. With, if I’m not mistaken, matching polish on all twenty of her nails. This bodes BRILLIANTLY for this season of ANTM – remember the cycle on which she wore only jumpsuits? –  but frightens me outside the inane confines of the judging room. And I suspect I’m not the only one:

duck!

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Fugaleigh/Better Played, Analeigh Tipton


So, you might remember Analeigh Tipton here from her season of America’s Next Top Model — she was the ex-figure skater who made it to the final three in the season that McKey eventually won. Now, despite these horrible socks at the Horrible Bosses premiere, it seems Analeigh might actually have a bit of a career burgeoning: She was in The Green Hornet, is currently appearing in Crazy, Stupid, Love (I hate it when moves get cutesy with punctuation because it can be hard to have it look right in a sentence, ahem, Love, Actually), and is set to appear on season three of Hung as, and I quote her Wikipedia page, “a schizophrenic pimp.” It seems she is already starting to dress the part.

But at issue here is really what she wore to the C,S,L premiere (I love a comma, but man, those are making it hard to abbrev). And it’s not even what she wore. It’s how she wore it. Miss Tyra would be proud: Girlfriend is modeling, in TyTy’s words, H2T; that is, head to toe. It’s to the point where it almost feels like she is redeeming an ANTM prize from three years ago to appear in a catalog shoot at a major motion picture premiere. Then again, who knows how many more of these she’ll get? Walk like the rent is due tonight, right, Miss J? Right.

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America’s Next Fug Model


This outfit, on ANTM’s beloved (? [sure.]) Jay Manuel, is only the best thing that ever, ever happened. It is, appropriately enough given the venue, MAGICAL:

I know I’ve made a handful of Zuul jokes about a certain McQueen collection but OH MY GOD, if that isn’t what Sigourney Weaver sees when she opens her fridge to find, instead of groceries, a portal to the netherworld inhabited by the likes of Gozer the Gozerian in Ghostbusters, then I’ll eat a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

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America’s Next Fug Model: The Tyra So Far


I’m not sure Tyra Banks can ever top the season of Top Model in which she wore a different heinous jumpsuit every week. That was a remarkable achievement in fuggery, for which she might have earned herself a mighty Fug Madness seed. It remains to be seen. But that doesn’t mean ANTM won’t offer its share of fashion crimes; before fresh material comes via tonight’s new episode, I thought I’d catch you up on what Tyra’s worn so far — and what Andre Leon Talley apparently plans to wear every WEEK. Bless.

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Cramazingly Played, ALT


Just when you think ALT cannot possibly top himself….

He goes and adds that hat.

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