So, ever since Lifetime announced it was making a series version of The Client List, we have had it on our radar. How could we not? The TV movie was such a delicious shlockfest, full of Kind Touching and temporary coke-whoring, and of course the obligatory Let’s Use Bananas To Teach Texas Suburban Wives How To Rock A Wang scene.

For the series, it’s a reset and sort of a fresh slate: J.Lo.Hew and Cybill Shepherd still play mother and daughter, but they’re different people. Her husband is still a pouty ex-jock with an injury who can’t get a job, but in this one, he leaves her right at the beginning and this is what pushes her into becoming First Chair in the skin flute orchestra. But the most ¬†important change is, the salon is no longer the Kind Touch Health Spa. It is called… wait for it… The Rub. Well, technically it’s called The Rub of Sugar Land, a name which lacks the ticklish subtlety of the original but makes up for it by being hilariously trashy. I’m sure that tony Sugar Land (outskirts of Houston) is delighted to have been brought into the massage-porn fold in this manner. Anyway, come join me to see what else the series has going on, including: Loretta Devine’s character name, Colin Egglesfield, and a Trapped In The Closet alum. Oh, and boobs. Of the man AND lady variety.