Fug File: Candids

Strongfugr: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


The beaded Balmain from yesterday had very similar problems to this dress:

That being, we all know that Kim Kardashian is INSANELY FIT right now. We’ve just seen her frolicking in a bikini and rump-roasting for a photoshoot in Thailand, and Us Weekly and its ilk are slavishly covering her pre-wedding workout regimen. This woman is in extremely good shape. So why is she prowling around Paris in not one but TWO thick, tight, smothering maxi-dresses that add fifteen pounds to her midsection? I don’t GET IT. There are so many incomprehensible things about Planet Kardashia, and one of them is that when you combine her net worth and Kanye’s AND the fact that people are surely giving them these things for free, it’s ASTONISHING that she manages to pick stuff that’s so unflattering. It would be one thing if we thoughtshe didn’t care about people thinking she’s perfectly slim, but she DOES care, because she’s telling people she does a hundred squats every morning, and thrives on showing off her curves on Instagram and whatnot. Her brand is her body, at this point, and so you’d think she’d at least package it well.

Even better, she wore this off a plane from Paris to Miami. I do not harbor any delusions that she wore it for the whole flight, but I am LOVING imagining her changing out of it in the air, and then, just before landing, having to wrestle herself back into it and accidentally, like, dropping a sleeve in the lav, and having to try and dry it on some paper towels.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fugdigger: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


“OMG.”

“TELL ME, KIMOTHY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEE? YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE THAT THICK MONSTROSITY ‘TIL THEY’D BILLED IT TO ME FOR AN ENRAGING FEE. OR WAS IT FREE? IT HAD BETTER BE. BUT AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY I’M GONNA THROW IT IN A TREE OR MAIL IT TO PAWNEE SO IT CAN VOTE ABSENTEE IN THE BALLOT OF WHOOPEE VS. TEE HEE. ‘CAUSE NO CRYSTAL SNEEZE IS COMING HOME WITH ME. IT’S SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS OF EEEEE AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRAZY AND I’M A TALK ABOUT THIS IN HOUR NUMBER THREE OF OUR EVENTUAL THERAPY BECAUSE LIKE SOMETIMES I JUST REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AND I DON’T THINK WE’RE CONNECTING ON THE DOPEST PLANE.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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Coachella Music Fugstival: First Weekend


Otherwise known as Free People Fashion Week, and starring such luminaries as Vanessa Hudgens, Beyonce, Solange, Lorde, Jared Leto, Kellan Lutz, Kate Bosworth, and the Jenner girls and the Willis girls in some truly hideous things.

Speaking of: This was the second Coachella photo I saw. And I tweeted it and said that I was fairly sure it would stand as the stupidest one of all. And then some people gave her some REALLY stiff competition.

Is it still the stupidest one of all?

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[Photos. Splash, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN]

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Hilariously Played, Anne Hathaway


Okay, I’m finally excited about Anne Hathaway again:

Fifty years from now, she is going to be the NUTTIEST old lady ever. We just have to be patient.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News]

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Friends With Better Fugs: Brooklyn Decker in The Row


Brooklyn Decker is so pretty and this is doing her no favors. I cannot even imagine what the late, lamented Dumpster would have said about this:

I believe this is Blazer By WHY and Suit By YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS paired with shoes by Actually Those Shoes Are Great. (Someone please start a shoe line called Actually Those Shoes Are Great. Thanks.)

[Photo: Splash]

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Recent Fugs and Fabs of Rihanna


We missed a LOT of Paris Fashion Week madness while we were in Oscars hell; it’s time to rectify that with an omnibus of her omnipresent omnibody.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News, WENN, Fame/Flynet, Splash]

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