Let’s add a new actress to the list of People Photographed Whilst Walking Around Holding Cute Bags, shall we?
Let’s check in with Reese. SPOILER: She looks totally polished. I sort of wish she’d roll up to the valet in cut-offs and a coconut bra, just to shake us out of it.
I don’t know how often we’ll really be checking in on this one for a while, since at this point her legal name might as well be Troubled Actress Lindsay Lohan. After Lindsay I feel SOME pity for the fact that her well of clear-eyed common sense is not only empty, but a decrepit, crumbling husk — and yet I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for someone who’s had so many chances and even had OPRAH yanking on her bootstraps and still manages to insist everything is fine, and in fact willfully act like a douche. There’s a point at which sometimes you go, “Fine, if that’s the game you want to play, then I’M IN. ROLL TO SEE WHO GOES FIRST.”
I can’t decide if this means she is going first, or I am.
This outfit is the fashion equivalent of a textbook cross-section of the human body. I wish it WERE simply For Science. Maybe it’s the ultimate test of Everyone Looks Hotter In Sunglasses. And I’ll give her that her head is making a strong case for itself, but girl, are those ACTUAL blinders?
Can I confess something to you? I think she looks fantastic from the neck up:
From the neck down, I assume she’s gunning hard for a Spanx endorsement, given that she is now leaving the house clad only in the shapewear and shapewear-adjacent. Did Kanye have a religious experience in the Nordstrom ladies’ underpinnings department last weekend? If only it had been in the cafe. She could be wearing a bear claw right now.