Objectively, I don’t hate this cover. The photo is striking. Kim looks good. It’s surprisingly editorial for Allure, which has really backed away from its traditional Close Up of a Person cover (a decision I think is sort of dumb because now they seem more generic, but I am not in charge). The idea of putting the words “natural beauty” next to Kim would be possibly intentionally amusing if this were, say, Town and Country, which is often funny, but Allure has not made being sarcastic part of its brand.
To be honest….and you’ve probably already seen this on social media…this profile is wack, although I think it’s well-written and mostly tongue-in-cheek from the author. (I feel like the writer spent a lot of time staring out the window trying to figure out how to do this thing, because a lot of what Kim said is honestly flummoxing and Allure is NOT going to let her write a piece that says “this is wack,” outright. But she does call KK “a very flavorful nut,” and that is objectively funny.) I can only run 100 words because that’s how Conde Nast rolls but Kim — who I do not even dislike and who I think gets a bum rap a lot of the time (no pun intended) — has gone around the bend wrt to personal upkeep and needs to go camping or something for three months with no mirrors and no cameras; she is not being rational; I am sorry; this is wild:
[J]ust before we met she told the New York Times that she would consider eating poop if it meant eternal youthfulness. “I was kind of joking, but now that I think about it, I would probably eat shit if someone told me, ‘If you eat this bowl of poop every single day, you’ll look younger.’ ”
“A whole bowl?”
“Maybe just a bite. I don’t think I can do a whole bowl.”
“I don’t think your body could accept a whole bowl.”
We nod in agreement. Just a couple of cosmetic gastroenterologists hanging out on a couch, talking shop.
She also does laser beauty treatments at night when the kids are bed. KIM! I beseech you! You are LOADED and you just passed the baby bar, which is not easy! Just move into a real nice place in Ojai and read books and go in the pool and let everything unravel a little bit! We all age! I have a face full of Botox and just got my roots done so I get it but there’s Getting Some Botox and then there is eating poop for youth and we gotta get you back somewhere toward the middle, lady!
Cover-wise,I’m honestly just really glad, and sort of surprised, they didn’t pick this one. Itchy!
Allure’s August issue is available on newsstands nationwide July 19th.