Here I was, preparing to whistle a merry tune about the very sedate but lovely orange dress Demi chose, in all its flattering simplicity. She looks so relaxed, unlike when she shoehorns herself into some itchy-looking bodystocking of a Balmain or something.
But then I looked closer.
PULL OVER. IT’S SPLIT-FRONT PANTS. Naturally, I was horrified. Initially. Let me explain: For sure, the split-front pant is a scourge, and one of the most labored fashion trends in recent memory. Why does EACH LEG need its own skirt? Turning this from a dress into a wide-legged jumpsuit was already like taking a perfectly good croissant and turning it into a donut: Fine, sure, you go experiment, but if we’re being honest croissants were doing it exactly right already. But going from there to a split-front pant is like taking said cronut and cutting it in half and trying to sell them as croissants again. WE SEE YOU.
But, after that momentary rage blackout, I decided Demi agrees with me and knew exactly what she was doing. Because moments later, she walked on-stage in this outfit and got slimed from about three different directions.
No club soda in the world is getting that out, right? I hope? So I’ve chosen to conclude that putting that outfit in front of the Nickelodeon slime squad was her way of saying, “Yep, and I didn’t want it anyway, and now we get to burn it.”