It’s probably exactly good and right that I didn’t recognize half the people at the Kids’ Choice Awards, and also lacked the mental or emotional capacity to look up the ones who were strangers to me. I just could not. I will wait until that cream rises a bit further to to the top, as it were, or at least until outside forces take over and demand that I learn who they are (the D’Amelios, the Bellas, I’m looking at you). Therefore, I present here: An Extremely Streamlined Kids’ Choice Red Carpet That Involves Only The People I Recognized.

[Photos: Matt Baron, Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock, Matt Winkelmeyer, Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Nickelodeon]