I suspect this episode was supposed to air on Halloween — at least, I hope it was, since it’s at least marginally about Ghosties and Ghoulies and The Walking Dead and “Scary” Sound Effects and Things That Go Bump In the Night, and I’m not just talking about boots. Shoot, that joke would have worked if it were things that went KNOCKING in the night. I ruin everything. Let’s just get to the Plot Bullet: first, this show remains somehow both really kind of terrible and also extremely charming and entertaining. I mean, I legitimately laughed out loud several times. Of course, I also laughed out loud when I saw during the ads that Billy Ray Cyrus is guesting on 90210 this week, because there’s nothing that teens like more than BILLY RAY CYRUS.
ANYWAY: Rachel Bilson runs over some dude with her car, but it turns out he’s been dead for a year…OR HAS HE? AND HE’S A GHOST…or IS HE? No, turns out he faked his death because he was ashamed of being a drunk with a gambling problem, but then he…came back to the wilds of Bluebell to live in a shed? Dude, listen, if there is one thing I’ve learned about faking your death, it’s that you HAVE TO LEAVE TOWN. Anyway, obviously, eventually Rachel convinces him to go home to his wife. She also spends a lot of time flirting with Hot Neighbor Wade, and eventually makes up with her mom. (I admit I totally forgot that her mom lied about Rachel’s paternity and I may have forgotten that her mom existed.) Finally, in the B plot: Lemon has a sister (named Magnolia, of course) whom she has been mothering since their own Mama ran off but Magnolia is REBELLIOUS blah blah blah Jason Street finally talks Brick into doing his job as a parent before Lemon finally totally cracks and goes on a killing spree dressed as Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face. Cress Williams doesn’t get to do anything other than look cute and be charming, which he is admittedly very good at. Let’s get to the outfits.