This was quite an enjoyable episode, and it really had everything: babies, llamas, clowns, cars crashing into mobile spas, making out, ice cream cones, eye-patches, and, of course, Meatball.
So, ToWanda have had their baby — they named her Froda, presumably the feminine of “Frodo,” which seems about right — and everyone in BlueBell is out getting a gift. Because the show is drawing to a close, we are revisiting our old favorites, like how Lemon used to staple shiny items to her head at all times:
Oh, the many headpieces of Lemon, I shall miss you. Herein, she and Zoe argue who is going to give the town’s last Diaper Genie to ToWanda — Lemon has “reserved it,” but Zoe gets it by noting that she cannot drive into Mobile to buy a gift because, WHAT IF SHE GOES INTO LABOR ON THE WAY?
So, these two are REALLY schmoopy:
AB’s dress is adorable, but I almost missed it because I had to look away when George asked her if she wanted to get dinner and she cooed, “and breakfast,” and then they made out. Ugh. Look, I GET IT. These two have to end up together at the end because…of reasons (I would have been fine seeing AB taking off for points unknown to have an adventure, with the implied promise that she was going to meet some hunky hot piece, but having George ALSO sadly alone and uncoupled might have been a bummer, and we are out of women in BlueBell, like, literally) but if it had been up to me, I might have ended with the implication that they were ABOUT to have that lightening strike, rather than AB panting all over him, because this does not feel organic yet. As I said, I know they had to do this and the two actors are trying and I am…FINE with it. I just don’t totally THRIVE on it, is all.
Also weird: apparently everyone in BlueBell is…in line to meet the baby and present their gifts one at a time, as if the child were the heir to the throne and it was 1579. BlueBell is a land of strange customs. However, they ARE generous with the gifts:
Herein we learn that Tom is exhausted (leading to the C plot in which everyone in town takes over one of his many many side jobs so he can have paternity leave), and also that Zoe is really upset that she doesn’t have any heirlooms to pass down to her own new baby. (She didn’t know Harley, the man she thought was her Dad is a toolshed, her mother believes sentimentality is for “the bridge and tunnel set.”)
I feel like you should also know that Lemon was forced to give ToWanda the only thing left in town: a giant bear that’s missing an eye. Lemon, of course, gave it a jaunty eyepatch, and this is where I say once again: I love you, Lemon. I love you for giving your bear an eyepatch. You are the best.
She is, however, acting squirrelly around Lavon because she wants the moment when they DO get together to be PERFECT. AB basically tells her to just hurry up and get the show on the road: there’s only two episodes of this show yet and surely one of them is going to be Zoe and Wade getting married, so we don’t have TIME for Lemon and Lavon to be faffing about. You know, more or less.
Elsewhere, you should know that it’s Brick’s birthday. And the title of this episode is 61 Candles. Sadly, there is no Jake Ryan, but everyone DOES forget for quite some time. Well, technically, Shelby doesn’t really TOTALLY forget, she is just unclear on what the current date is. Who cares about her bad grasp of space and time when her dress is sooooo cute:
I inadvertently neglected to take a photo of Baby Ethel, whom Brick is watching while Shelby goes out to pick up lamps, and Magnolia gets manicures with her New Sister Scarlett (dialogue informs us that we’re about a month after the previous episode and all is well with getting to know Scarlett), and who is just really REALLY really really squashable and cute.
In case you’re wondering, BlueBell has a text alert system to let everyone in town know when there is a meeting. YOU GUYS. IS LAVON “A” FROM PRETTY LITTLE LIARS?
It is at said meeting that everyone is assigned duties of Tom’s to take over (driving the Blue-Buber, BlueBell’s Uber, for example, or acting as crossing guard. “How festive!” chuckles Carl Winslow when this is assigned to him), and Wade promises Zoe that he’ll find an heirloom for their son come what may, but who cares about them. I want to talk about the extra behind Zoe, in the hat and suspenders:
I have just created an entire backstory for him, and it’s that he is OBSESSED with Hunky Mayor Lavon Hayes and emulates him in all ways — the most visual, of course, being his predilection for snappy accessorizing. I love this kid and want him to have a spin-off.
Lemon naturally gets assigned the task of mucking out Tom’s barn and taking care of his various livestock, and it is in this highly romantic locale, with alpaca droppings all over her (she fell in a pile of them, naturally), that she and Lavon FINALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN:
“I love you,” she says, and I MAY have then said “YAY!!” and clapped at this. As does everyone else in the barn. We’re ALL ‘shipping Lemon and Lavon.
I also clapped with glee at the following development:
When Wade and Zoe wander into the kitchen and find no Kitchen Pastries, they are OBVIOUSLY distraught and confused — Wade wonders if perhaps there has been a zombie apocolype — until Lavon comes in carrying a giant box of them, explaining that the Beloved Kitchen Pastries are delivered by the Butter Stick every day to his front door. AND NOW WE KNOW. I can say it no better than this:
— the posh negress (@shittybonmots) March 8, 2015
Lavon explains he just didn’t have time to bring them in (and artfully display them on all his fine platters) because… you know. He was kind of BUSY last night IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANS and yadda yaddda yadda he overslept. Cue Lemon’s entrance, and cue Lemon and Zoe fighting over the one buttermilk muffin, a fight which is resolved — well, “resolved” — when Zoe grabs the muffin from Lemon, LICKS IT ALL OVER and runs out.
George’s parents walk in on AB doing a striptease in George’s office (she’s filling in for Tom as his legal assistant) because obviously:
Let’s get George out of the way: He’s doing very well at music management (this is ALSO a plotline that seems really random and kind of unnecessary to me, because George never acted that into music before [other than the time they made Scott Porter show us all that he can sing in season one] and I was never worried about his career satisfaction), AB makes him tell his parents about it by cooing over how proud she is of him, they’re delighted, and Meatball gets a record deal. The end! Oh wait. Also, we find out that the Truitt Brothers have a song called “Wereraccon Two: Reba’s Revenge!” and I’d like to hear THAT one. Oh, and his parents love AB, especially after “Crazy Eyed Lynley,” which, I KNOW RIGHT?
Brick has quit his job to become a Professional Sad Clown:
Actually, he’s just filling in for Tom, but apparently he’s a very BAD birthday party clown and also he’s having a tough day because apparently everyone really has forgotten his birthday. He keeps thinking that a surprise party lurks around every corner, but so far, no dice. In fact, he even wears a suit to go fishing with Lavon and Wade:
But they are not taking him to a party, they’re actually literally taking him fishing, to butter him up — Lavon, because Lemon has told him he has to tell Brick about Their Love, and Wade because he wants to get some Norman Rockwell prints that used to be in Harley’s office for Zoe. Brick’s totally fine with Lemon and Lavon (…and I should hope so; Lavon is a CATCH) once he realizes that the “daughter” Lavon is in love with is NOT MAGNOLIA. As far as Wade goes: No dice. He already sold the prints.
Shelby is off giving Wanda some hand-me-downs and doing the baby’s astrological chart (of course) in this very cute dress when she realizes they all forgot Brick’s birthday:
While reinforcements are being called in, Tom has literally fallen asleep at the wheel of the Blue–Buber. Oh. I totally forgot to tell you. Tom gave a very funny speech to Lavon, which I forgot to screengrab, about how all the nitwits in town are RUINING his Yelp reviews (someone shoplifted during Magnolia’s shift at the Dixie Stop, for example) and he’s going back to work. “I’m not about to let a baby prevent me for providing for my family,” he says! But he’s exhausted and he crashes into Stanley’s newest plan: a mobile spa.
A mobile spa in which Zoe and Lemon had JUST MOMENTS EARLIER been meeting to negotiate custody of Lavon before they nearly came to blows and stormed out. One of my favorite things about that scene was that Zoe showed up thinking it was merely an attempt for them to get along and she brought a tabloid for them to read and discuss. One of the headlines was EUROPE’S HOTTEST PRINCES, which I APPRECIATE STRONGLY:
But Lemon thought this spa trip was a NEGOTIATION, like a SIT DOWN, like in the Mafia. So you can imagine how well this goes from there. Zoe wants Sunday nights with Lavon so they can watch So You Think You Can Dance. Lemon wants Sunday for dinner with her family, and also every single breakfast. ETC.
And yet turns out that both Lemon AND Zoe are frantic with concern that the other was killed in a tragic Blue-Buber/Mobile Spa accident (no one cares that much about poor Stanley, who WAS in the trailer) and they each come running to check on the other’s well-being:
It cracks me up that Zoe is still wearing her spa flip flops. They’re sitting there discussing that they’re glad the other didn’t DIE when Lemon gets a text from Shelby that they’ve all forgotten Brick’s birthday. And the phone tree kicks into gear. Brick gets his party after all — and he shows up and acts surprised because, as Lavon tells him, being a pill about it would just make all the ladies in his life more unhappy:
Don’t worry, we’re going to talk about Lemon’s hair shortly.
These two are dancing like they’re at the 8th grade dance, and agree they are “falling for” one another:
Brick is pleased with Lemon landing the Hunky Mayor — to quote Magnolia — and I am pleased with Lavon’s fine fine biceps:
And while I am sure Lavon is supposed to have played for the Carolina Panthers (despite the fact that he went to two Super Bowls and they HAVE NOT), I have to think that making him a Panther is a shout-out to Dillon Panthers of Friday Night Lights, where Cress Williams was the MEANEST DAD IN TOWN (the polar opposite of this character, although he’s great in the role), and where, of course, George Tucker got paralyzed.
You DEFINITELY need to know that Wade dances with the baby at this party:
I TOLD YOU she was ADORABLE.
And also adorable:
Not Lemon’s cracked out fishtail pony-braid. The fact that she has this duck that Zoe’s bio-dad carved for her (Lemon), and she’s giving it to Zoe for her son, and she also is totally happy to talk about Harley whenever Zoe wants, because she always liked him. It’s REALLY touching. They hug and everything. Oh, Lemon. I will miss you.